〽️ A Michigan Man's Guest Column: A Gross Miscarriage of Justice 〽️
Faux Michigan Man stands up for Juwan Howard before the coach heads to anger management classes during his 5-game suspension.
My former law school classmate, JenkiesScoobs, is a fan of Michigan athletics so he obviously witnessed the Badgers kicking the piss out of the Wolverines on Sunday. Such result made his blood boil so much so that he approached me about writing a guest column on the gross miscarriage of justice against Juwan Howard, a man who has a history of being the aggressor. I happily obliged. While JenkiesScoobs is not rooting for Michigan, he roots for the Dallas Cowboys, Los Angeles Lakers, and the New York Yankees, but only when they are winning.
I will chime in occasionally with comments below, which will be in bold.
There was a men’s college basketball game this past Sunday in Madison between the Wisconsin Badgers and the Michigan Wolverines. A battery took place after the game. This resulted in the author, editor, and publisher (rings of judge, jury, and executioner) of this newsletter penning a 3,111 character hit-piece on the reigning Associated Press and Sporting News Coach of the Year, Juwan Howard. While Mr. Howard may not have caught the 24th Volume of ♿ Tubz 🛀 Unfiltered, I took note and felt the slanderous attack warranted a response. Alas, my rebuttal.
First, I know what you are thinking … why a response? I assume the subscribers of this much-respected newsletter are Wisconsin fans so a Michigan fan’s response may not be welcomed. However, in the words of the late Earl “DMX” Simmons (RIP 🐐), “an important and fundamental premise of the American judicial system is the presumption of innocence, that is until proven guilty.” So out of respect for Mr. DMX, I ask that you reserve judgment until I offer 2010 NBA Cares Community Assist Award winner Juwan Howard’s case.
I will start with two concessions. Gard’s timeout with 48 seconds to put in the reserves, fine. Howard’s decision to run a “pressure five” defense was embarrassing and in poor taste. However, Gard’s second timeout in the final minute of the game – with 15 seconds left – was disgusting and repugnant. Juwan understandably took exception. (Howard lost the right to complain about that timeout when he decided to call a “pressure five” defense with the game practically over, but please continue.)
The buzzer rings. Due to the illogical floorplan at the Kohl Center, opposing teams are obligated to pass each other. Handshakes are optional. (If you are a coward like Howard then, yes, handshakes are optional.) As Howard and Gard (adulterer Bo Ryan’s longest-tenured confidant) pass each other, Howard tells Gard, “I’ll remember that” referring to Gard’s last timeout and then proceeds towards the visitor’s locker room.
Gard, with intent to cause bodily harm to Howard and without Howard’s consent, caused bodily harm to Howard’s right forearm. Per Wis. Stat. §940.19(1), the aforementioned battery has occurred. Last I checked, the Dane County DA’s Office has yet to file charges. Such injustice. Credit to twitter.com user @Hope1Lemon for the citrus’s ode to the late John Madden.
2001 “Good Guys in Sports” recipient (who gives this award? Nickelodeon?) Juwan Howard opts not for violence, but diplomacy and tells Gard, “Don’t fr**king touch me.” (audio is inconclusive). What does Gard do? Gard chooses violence and blocks Howard’s exit. Howard is now under attack. Michigan is now under attack. (According to Hellen Keller, yes.) On foreign soil no less. It is Howard, his 17 players, his 10 assistants and the sweet old lady shown above vs. the Wisconsin Basketball team and 17,142 likely-inebriated fans. Knowing the Badger team’s hatred for their head coach though, I handicap the fight Michigan -135. (Gard is about a foot shorter than Howard. What does that say about Howard that he feels like he is under attack? That he still pees the bed as a grown man.)
Nonetheless, Michigan senior forward Jaron Faulds peacefully interjects between the two men and brings Howard back towards the team bench.
Enter Joe Krabbenhoft. (College Career 6.1 ppg, 5.6 rpg, 2.0 apg; 0 NBA games played). (Ultimate glue guy, though.)
Krabbenhoft excels towards Howard yelling obscenities. Note his right arm. Was he trying to sucker punch the 49-year-old father of six with an upper cut out of left field? You be the judge. (Howard needs to wrap up his willy; a better role model would practice safe sex.) Regardless, Krabbenhoft is looking for a fight. He’s looking to hurt Howard.
Howard is backed into a corner and chooses to pimp slip Krabbenhoft. A respectful move. A justified move. (See Wis. Stat. §940.19(1)).
Ant Wright provides additional context to what precipitated said pimp slap.
A scuffle ensues for several minutes. Moussa Diabete and Terrance Williams II go to war for his guy. Williams kicks some b*tt. Diabete manhandles Jahcobi Neath. The live bet line has moved to Michigan -175.
No one comes to Gard’s rescue unless you count this clown. (“This clown” raised nearly $200k for his hometown after it was devastated by a tornado. He is a good man.)
And then this obscene “s*ck it” gesture performed by Wisconsin Strength and Conditioning Coach Jim Snider after the fact. Revolting. Lewd. NSFW. And in front of women and children no less. He should be put on a list.
Punishment has been handled down whilst I write this. Howard suspended for the rest of the regular season. Gard fined $10,000. Makes no sense. The initial aggressor, Gard, gets no suspension while Howard, justified in his actions, gets the book thrown at him. Abraham Lincoln must be turning at his grave with such misjustice.
Regardless, what was obvious was the way the two teams handled the adversity. The fight between Howard and Gard would have been nothing short of Tyson v. McNelly II. Howard (6’9”, 250 pounds, NBA All-Star) would pummel Gard (approx. 5’11”, 220 pounds, bag of milk). But Howard showed great restraint and moves away from confrontation. That is until Krabbenhoft begins to push, shove, and berate Michigan personnel. Howard, being the leader he is, stands up for his guys and his team immediately get his back. They acted with bravery despite being outnumbered the likes of Leonidas and his 300 men at the Battle of Thermopylae. Fr*ck it though. Michigan vs. Everybody.
On the flip side, no one has Gard’s back. The Badgers cower. Brad Davidson wants to sing. Soft. And then Wisconsin’s Director of Athletics, Chris McIntosh releases a statement calling Gard’s $10,000 fine a “Wisconsin fine” and covers the (alleged) felon’s tab. Repulsive. I hear Wisconsin’s Women’s lightweight rowing team will not be able to afford new paddles this year.
Anyways, Michigan has been a disappoint all season. This fight and the way these guys had each other’s back may be exactly what this team needs. They get a much needed – albeit critical – 4 game home stand before closing the season out against Ohio State. The boys from Ann Arbor need to get hot and a good scrum may need to do just that. Conversely, Wisconsin may be a lock already for the tournament, but they showed great cowardice and selfishness. Wisconsin must question its leadership top to bottom. A lot of basketball left to be played this season and as the kewl kids say, “ball don’t lie.” (P.S. Ball did not lie for Johnny Davis in the second half en route to 25 points on Michigan’s sorry ass, but best of luck to you and the Wolverines the rest of the way.)