👨🚀 Tubz 🛀 Unfiltered - Volume 19 👨🚀
Kodak Goes Hard In The Suite; Professor Whack Job; Mike McCarthy Is Bad
Happy Monday, y’all!
The best is yet to come, but I would like to thank everyone for following along and reading. I get a heckuva dopamine hit from writing these newsletters.
VIRAL VIDEO OF THE WEEK
American rapper Kodak Black got a suite at the Florida Panthers game and presumably thought to himself, “Should I strictly watch this hockey game with a lady friend, or should I go nuts to butt with said lady friend?” He chose the latter. I am surprised that one of them did not serve two minutes in the penalty box for foreplay, er, forechecking. The refs have to be better.
On one hand, America is a free country, especially in Florida. Thus, Kodak is free, to a certain extent, to do as he pleases in a public setting. He has earned that right.
On the other hand, let me put my old man hat on my bald head — Mr. Kodak should think about his influence on America’s youth a tad bit more. Forget his presumed graphic rap lyrics, the next thing ya know, high school and middle school kids are going to be doing the #KodakChallenge, where they take nuts to butts to the extreme at the next athletic event they attend as a fan. We cannot have that. It would be distracting to the athletic participants.
We already have Euphoria poisoning the minds of high school and middle school kids around the country. Enough is enough. *Takes off old man hat.*
🛁 EXTRA BUBBLES 🛁
Washington Post: A professor welcomed students to class by calling them ‘vectors of disease to me.’ He has been suspended.
Talk about mailing it in while also waking up and choosing violence. This Ferris State University (MI) professor went scorched earth on his new students, instead of going over the syllabus and enlightening them on what exciting topics the upcoming semester will bring. He is retiring at the end of the year, so he took a page out of Bill O’Reilly’s tirade playbook and essentially told the students, “F*ck it, we’ll do it live.”
At the beginning of his tirade, he wore a space helmet to protect himself from the coronavirus and introduced himself “as an alien informing Earthlings that the ‘intergalactic Internet is all abuzz about this planet,’ where suffering ‘is through the roof.’” To infinity and beyond, I guess. First-class ticket to Whack Job City — all aboard.
While telling these tuition-paying students that all of their grades were predetermined, he also referred to them as c*ck suckers several times. Gen Z grinds my gears, too, ya old geezer. However, calling them c*ck suckers is probably not a good look. (Confession: I still laughed at the remarks.)
It was all a charade, though, according to the professor. He simply wanted to get the juices flowing. He apparently did not mean a single word he uttered.
If a professor comes in and he’s all high and mighty and using words they don’t understand — that doesn’t help them relax and think. ... It was a performance.
I am perplexed why he did not stay in character and release a statement after he was put on administrative leave that stated: “The university has a massive stick up its ass, and our administrators are also a bunch of c*ck suckers.”
Missed opportunity to pull off another stellar performance.
🏆 SPORTZ 🏆
49ers 23 Cowboys 17: Mike McCarthy and Kellen Moore are two of the dumbest people in all of the United States. Who in their right mind thought that a quarterback draw was a good play call with 14 seconds left?! It did not help that Dak played like complete trash for a majority of the game, including not getting down fast enough on said quarterback draw. It also did not help that the team committed 14 (!!!) penalties — the fifth time this season McCarthy’s squad has committed more than 10 penalties in a game. Please, though, do not let either of those points distract you from the fact that McCarthy and Moore pooped the bed.
The 49ers played fairly well — much better in the first half than the second half — so I have to give credit to them. Still, they almost pissed the game down their leg worse than a child that does not know how to go to the bathroom yet.
Jimmy G is like that kid that is learning how to ride a bike and insists he is ready to ride without training wheels. The parents oblige because he’s a good looking, charming kid. He gets cocky and starts going faster and faster. He is thinking about riding with no hands. Just as he is about to do so, he forgets how to hit the brakes and eats sh*t (read: throws an interception at the most inopportune time). Back to the training wheels (read: handing the ball off to Elijah Mitchell and Debo Samuel, and throwing uber conservative passes), Jimmy.
My parting shot for the Cowboys: Jerry Jones & Co. should seriously consider giving a gift card to McCarthy to Torchy’s Tacos or Velvet Taco — the best taco shops in Dallas — while simultaneously firing his plump ass. Respectfully, as always. (I would be shocked if they fired him, for what it is worth.)
Bengals 26 Raiders 19: The Bengals won their first playoff game since 1991. Joe Burrow and Jamar Chase are certified studs. Bengals HC Zac Taylor dedicated a game ball to the city of Cincinnati and went to a local bar to award them with the game ball. Love to see it.
If you chuckled, make sure to forward to others and/or share on social. Any corrections, omissions, suggestions, etc., send 'em my way. Much love. -Tubz
So hilarious Rex! Keep them coming!