💑 Tubz 🛀 Unfiltered - Volume 39 💑
Disney Adults With An All-Time Wedding Move; Did Boston choke or was Golden State too good?
Happy Monday, y’all!
Who’s down for a pump-and-dump scheme to shake things up a bit? People left and right are getting smoked by the stock market, so it is time to take back what is ours. Would be a helluva adrenaline rush. Important to remember — it is only illegal if you get caught.
🛁 EXTRA BUBBLES 🛁
Yahoo!: This Couple Threw A Wedding With Disney Characters And No Food
This couple should be thrown in jail. Actually, they should be forced to go to Disney in August and chaperone someone else’s kids — ages will ideally range from 3 until 7, but shall not exceed age 12 — without any fast passes. They will also be forbidden from going on Splash Mountain. They will not be Disney Adults for long, I can tell you that for free.
Seriously, how on god’s green earth do you have a wedding and not provide any food for your guests because you want to have some damn fictional mice prance around on the dance floor and pose for pictures with you for 30 minutes?? For $5,500?!?
The cost to have both Minnie and Mickey for a good chunk of time (30 minutes) was almost exactly what our parents allotted for our catering budget, so we scheduled an appearance during our first dance and our wedding photos, forgoing served food (though there were PLENTY of facilities at the venue where people could eat…).
Oh, there were PLENTY of facilities at the venue? Like what? Arby’s? Panda Express? A no-name sandwich shop that offers a half sandwich and soup combo for $9? Come on now. If I was a guest at the wedding and knew ahead of time that I was not getting food at the reception FOR FREE, I would have spoke up during the ceremony and said this wedding is horseshit then peaced out, only to tailgate in the parking lot with anyone that wanted to join me.
And on top of that, I would disavow. Heck, I almost disavowed my cousin and his wife for throwing a wedding in February in Wisconsin, which is literally the equivalent to having an outdoor wedding in Texas in August, and they actually served food. (This is a joke, I did not almost disavow them.)
🏆 SPORTZ 🏆
NBA Finals Knotted At 2-2: The Celtics had a golden opportunity in Game 4 to take a commanding 3-1 lead. The Warriors early on could not stop the dribble drive worth a damn, so what did the Celtics do throughout the 4th quarter? Chuck a bunch of three pointers. With 7:32 left, the Celtics were up 91-86. TD Garden was buzzing, several overpriced Sam Adams were being consumed by the real classy Boston fans. Despite that, the Celtics shot 2-of-11 (18%) to end the game. Conversely, the Warriors went 7-of-12 (58%) over that same stretch, including 4-of-5 (80%) from the charity stripe to close things out.
Obviously Steph Curry was magnificent (43 PTS, 10 REB, 4 AST), but Andrew Wiggins was equally as magnificent, registering a career-high 16 rebounds to go along with a plus/minus of +20. An underrated deciding factor to the Warriors’ Game 4 victory? The rebounding battle. Golden State bullied Boston on the glass, 55-42, as it had four players gather at least 9 rebounds.
Game 5 is on Monday (8 PM CST), Game 6 is on Thursday (8 PM CST), and Game 7 — if necessary — is on Sunday (7 PM CST).
Tampa Bay-Colorado Avalanche Stanley Cup Final Matchup Set: The Tampa Bay Lightning thwarted the New York Rangers on Saturday, 2-1, and clinched a third-consecutive Stanley Cup Finals appearance. No team has made at least three consecutive Stanley Cup Finals since the New York Islanders made four straight from 1980 until 1983. (The Islanders won all four.)
In his last 8 series-clinching wins, Lightning goaltender Andrei Vasilevskiy has registered six shutouts and a save percentage of .991, allowing 0.25 goals per game. Seems good.
Puck drop for Game 1 is slated for 7 PM CST (ABC/ESPN+) on Wednesday, while puck drop for Game 2 is slated for 7 PM CST (ABC/ESPN+) on Saturday. Game 1 and Game 2 will be in Colorado.
🤓 BATH TIME READING 🤓
24 civil lawsuits later, important reporting from The New York Times: “How the Texans and a Spa Enabled Deshaun Watson’s Troubling Behavior”
Select excerpts below.
The Times’s review … showed that Watson’s conduct was enabled, knowingly or not, by the team he played for at the time, the Houston Texans, which provided the venue Watson used for some of the appointments. A team representative also furnished him with a nondisclosure agreement after a woman who is now suing him threatened online to expose his behavior.
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Watson has said publicly that he hired about 40 different therapists across his five seasons in Houston, but The Times’s reporting found that he booked appointments with at least 66 different women in just the 17 months from fall 2019 through spring 2021. A few of these additional women, speaking publicly for the first time, described experiences that undercut Watson’s insistence that he was only seeking professional massage therapy.
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One woman, who did not sue Watson or complain to the police, told The Times that he was persistent in his requests for sexual acts during their massage, including “begging” her to put her mouth on his penis.
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Most of the women Watson saw for massages did not sue or call the police. But even some who did not complain said Watson came looking for sex.
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[A] woman who spoke to The Times, a physical therapist who did not sue Watson, said he initiated sexual contact in all three of their appointments. … In their first session, she said he got into the happy baby yoga pose — on his back with his feet in his hands — and asked her to massage between his testicles and anus. She laughed off the request but said he grabbed her wrist and put her hand there.
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During the months [Dionne] Louis and Watson worked together, she set up appointments for him with several women who worked there, none of whom was licensed in Texas to perform massages. One was the woman who said Watson begged her for oral sex. She described how he tried to build up to sexual acts, starting with his request that she work on his behind and go higher up on his inner thighs, which put her hands uncomfortably close to his testicles. When he flipped over, she said, he was exposed with an erection, but she refused his requests for oral sex. That woman did not sue Watson, but four other employees of A New U Spa did. They all said in their lawsuits that Louis gave him special attention.
Good friggin’ grief. Abhorrent behavior, to put it lightly. And the Browns gave him a fully guaranteed contract of $230 million.
If you chuckled, make sure to forward to others and/or share on social. Any corrections, omissions, suggestions, etc., send 'em my way. Much love. -Tubz