🚨 Tubz 🛀 Unfiltered - Volume 4 🚨
Happy Monday, y’all !
I sat on the couch so much this weekend watching sports, I’m surprised I didn’t develop blood clots. Luckily, I live to see another day, blood-clot free! I also went to In ‘N’ Out for the first time and the fries were trash.
VIRAL VIDEO OF THE WEEK
When I woke up to write this section this morning, I was strongly considering putting on my tinfoil hat and asserting that Conor McGregor intentionally botched his first pitch at Wrigley Field earlier this week in order to get back in the headlines because his recent UFC fights have sucked more than the last two starting quarterbacks for the New York Jets.
However, I did some digging and, while it is still plausible McGregor botched it on purpose, I think it’s more plausible that McGregor simply cannot throw a ball. Peep the picture below from October 2018, when McGregor was attempting to be athletic at a Dallas Cowboys game. Like a dumb-dumb trying to hump a door knob.
People on the internet, as they should, compared McGregor’s first pitch to 50 Cent’s catastrophic first pitch from 2015, including this stellar video, and McGregor got big mad. Or he’s an A+ troll.
🏆 SPORTZ 🏆
*Chad Morris was the former Arkansas HC and amassed a 4-18 record.
Arkansas 20 Texas A&M 10 (Cowboy Stadium): Two reasons why I knew Arkansas was going to win: (1) I saw a bunch of Razorback fans at breakfast Saturday morning that were equally fired up about their flapjacks as they were about the game, and (2) Texas A&M is a massive cult, where they love class rings just as much as the amish love their horse buggies.
In all seriousness (wait, what?), Arkansas punched A&M in the mouth on both sides of the ball early on, scoring the first 17 points of the game. The connection between Arkansas QB KJ Jefferson and WR Treylon Burks (6 receptions, 167 yards, one score) was b-e-a-utiful, and Razorback DE Tre Williams (2 sacks, 2 tackles for loss) was more of a problem than homelessness in Los Angeles.
Los Angeles Rams 34 Tampa Bay Buccaneers 24: Speaking of Los Angeles … this game wasn’t as close as the final score may lend you to believe. While it was a one-score game at half, the Rams scored on four-straight possessions to open the second half and built a 31-14 advantage in the process. Tampa Bay’s secondary was horrible and will probably stay horrible. The Rams look like a potential juggernaut, especially since they finally have a competent quarterback in Matt Stafford, but can you really trust a team whose head coach spends $100 (rough estimate) on a haircut? In case you’re wondering and for what it’s worth, I haven’t paid for a haircut since the summer of 2017.
EXTRA — Green Bay Packers 30 San Francisco 49ers 28: WHAT A GAME. THE NINERS LEFT RODGERS WAYYYY TOO MUCH TIME. WHAT A BUNCH OF IDIOTS. GO PACK GO.
RYDER CUP: The USA spanked Europe with a belt, like what a parent used to do to a child that got lost in Kmart back in the day (I don’t condone this), winning 19-9 at Whistling Straits. The USA’s 19 points were the most of all time since they switched to the current format. What an awesome moment for USA captain and Wisconsin native Steve Stricker.
🛁 EXTRA BUBBLES 🛁
Benny boy, what a drawing — and not in a good way. I snapped this pic a few moons ago and I think Ben’s parents did Ben a disservice by having him draw what looks like a male wiener. Maybe more accurately, Lance Armstrong’s. Anyway, let’s stay on track. I’m all for developing fine motor skills, but maybe next time Ben can draw a smiley face. As I learned from Superbad, like 8% of kids draw dicks so at least Ben isn’t alone.
Below is the full scene from Superbad. Such an underrated movie.
If you chuckled, feel free to forward to others and/or share on social. Any corrections, omissions, suggestions, etc., send 'em my way. Much love. -Tubz