🦃 Tubz Unfiltered - Volume 103
Thanksgiving; CFB + NFL Recap; Oregon's Decriminalization Experiment
Happy Tuesday, y’all!
Given that I am a family man, I fly back to the Midwest a fair amount throughout the year. The flights are usually uneventful. A crying baby here or there, but that is the extent of the craziness.
My life mission now is to be on a flight in which there is a viral interaction that occurs. I do not need violence. That makes me squeamish. But I do need voices to be raised and fingers pointed. The adrenaline rush would be through the roof. The environment would be electric. Plus, it would be great for content.
🛁 EXTRA BUBBLES 🛁
Happy [Early] Thanksgiving
First off, I am so thankful for y’all, my readers. Okie dokie, enough with the lovey-dovey bologna. I love Thanksgiving, mainly because it is an open invitation to eat as much food as humanly possible. I have exercised zero restraint in the past on Turkey Day, and this year will be no different. Cannot wait.
Before I break down some Thanksgiving staples, allow me to provide y’all with a Public Service Announcement: If anyone gives you a side eye for going for seconds or thirds at Thanksgiving or says a peep, they have a big dump in their pants and we should hope they stub their toe without any socks or shoes on. (That may be a bit harsh, but my backspace key is not working, so what was written has been written.)
Meat
Hopefully, this take does not get me cancelled, but I’m a light meat kind of fella when it comes to turkey. Perceived racism aside, if memory serves me correctly, I did not have any turkey last year (by my own choosing), but instead had ribs. It was a Texas Thanksgiving after all. Delicious and highly recommend.
Ham on Thanksgiving is absolutely positively a no-go for me, but you do you.
Mashed potatoes with gravy
Put some (extra) butter on ‘em, and we’re cooking with gas and high cholesterol. If you want to get figuratively spicy, mix some corn in dem mashed taters to lather up your arteries.
Rolls
If you don’t have a family member that makes dinner rolls that are the bomb dot com (S/O my Aunt Jane), Kings Hawaiian Rolls are the best alternative. Pillsbury, though? Better luck next year.
In the South, cornbread is usually present on the table/buffet line. I would stuff two of those bad boys in my mouth at the same time (if I didn’t have any manners) — they are that good.
Stuffing
Literally comes from the turkey’s butthole, so if you’re into that type of stuff, go for it. By all means. I’m indifferent. Depends on my mood.
Green Beans/Any Vegetable Besides Corn
What is this, a Jenny Craig Thanksgiving? No thanks.
Mac and Cheese
This is predominantly a Southern side, but I’m here for it. Lather me in Mac and Cheese, put it in my ear holes, I do not care. I love Mac and Cheese.
Pumpkin Pie
Overrated. I will stand by this take until I cannot feed myself and/or think for myself. At that point, beggars cannot be choosers.
🏆 SPORTZ 🏆
CFB WEEK 12 RECAP
WASHINGTON 22 Oregon State 20: The Beavers held the Huskies to zero points in the second half to give themselves a chance, holding Michael Penix Jr. to 13-of-28 passing for 162 yards and two touchdowns for the game, but Oregon State could not get a necessary stop when it mattered most.
On third-and-three with under two minutes remaining, Washington had four wide receivers to the right and isolated wide receiver Rome Odunze to the left. Draw up a play for your best receiving weapon and hope for the best. Odunze, who had two touchdown receptions and 106 receiving yards, caught a back-shoulder pass to pick up the first down and put the game on ice.
UPDATE ON MICHIGAN SIGN-STEALING SCANDAL
Head coach Jim Harbaugh was suspended for three regular season games by the Big Ten — he can do everything but be on the sidelines during the games (started against Penn State and will end after this weekend’s game) — which Harbaugh and the university decided to not fight in court. How come? They wanted the focus to be on the kids, right? That’s certainly one theory. Another theory is that new evidence came to light, presented by the NCAA, that painted a “bad” picture — like a painting created by someone playing Edward 40 Hands — for the Wolverines.
Last week, the university fired assistant coach Chris Patridge, but the reporting varies as to the specific reasoning for the shit-canning.
Per Yahoo! Sports: “Multiple sources say that Partridge is not alleged at this time of knowing about the advanced scouting by Stalions, but acted after the fact to cover up evidence.”
Per ESPN:
So, who the hell knows? Either way, who the hell cares! This whole thing is getting a bit silly, but here I am writing about it so maybe I’m the real clown.
Yahoo! Sports also reported that a booster, “Uncle T,” was bankrolling Connor Stalions’ operation, “giving Stalions thousands of dollars for expenses.” I’m not a tax guy (although I do pay my taxes, thank you very much), but do you think Uncle T’s contributions are tax-deductible?
Michigan hosts Ohio State at the Big House on Saturday, with the winner going to the Big Ten title game. If head coach Ryan Day and the Buckeyes lose, which I hope they do, Day has to voluntarily step down and move to Alaska exclusively for the winter months. He can’t come back from such a loss.
NFL WEEK 11 RECAP
PACKERS 23 Chargers 20: The young bucks are starting to shine, ladies and gentlemen. Did the Packers have any business winning that game? Absolutely f’en not; the Chargers pissed it down their legs with critical drops and a fumble in a goal-to-go situation. But hey, a win is a win. Check out my Cheesehead TV article here.
BROWNS 13 Steelers 10: Quarterback Deshaun Watson has been lost for the season due to a shoulder injury. Karma like you read about, but let’s stay focused. People love tiers nowadays, especially in the realm of sports. I am going to hop on board (just spit ballin’ here). QB Patrick Mahomes is in a tier of his own; there are a handful of great to really good QBs (Joe Burrow, Justin Herbert, and Jalen Hurts to name a few); above-average QBs who have a solid/decent supporting cast; QBs that would definitely be better with a true WR1 and/or a stout offensive line; bad QBs who would, best-case scenario, marginally improve with a true WR1 and/or a stout offensive line; and then there’s Kenny Pickett. The 2022 first-round selection is trash. He is hot garbage. He is dog sh*t.
He has one (1) game with more than one touchdown pass in HIS ENTIRE CAREER. (He had only two in that game.) He finished Sunday’s loss with a passer rating of 62.5 and averaged 3.8 yards per attempt, his lowest mark of the season. And it’s not like his offensive line and receiving weapons are deaf and blind. Sure, his offensive line might be a little slow at processing, but his weapons are more than fine.
Anyway, his QB counterpart — rookie Dorian Thompson-Robinson — performed just as badly in the divisional game, but he at least orchestrated an eight-play, 48-yard drive, including four consecutive completions, that ended with a game-winning field goal from 34 yards out.
The Steelers fired OC Matt Canada, a Wisconsin legend, on Tuesday. The offense has been outgained in every single contest this season.
EAGLES 21 Chiefs 17: I mentioned at the top that the Steelers’ offensive line and receiving weapons are not deaf and blind. But do you know who is deaf and blind? Kansas City’s receiving weapons, not named Travis Kelce (and even he had some drops). Holy hell in a handbasket are they bad. In fact, they are so bad that, according to Adam Hooker (Coachhooker on Twitter/X), 21% of Mahomes’ incomplete passes have been drops.
Mahomes catapulted a deep ball right in the bucket that would have given the Chiefs the lead late in the game, only for Marques Valdes-Scantling to drop it. For Packers fans around the globe, it was a familiar scene. With the game on line, Mahomes delivered another strike on fourth-and-long beyond the sticks, only for Justin Watson to succumb to a case of butter fingers.
One last thing about the Chiefs before getting to the winning team: I love KC head coach Andy Reid. He’s a big Walrus Mormon, with a low-key funny personality. But punting on fourth-and-four from Philly’s 39-yard line with nine minutes left was a big ole whoopsies. The Eagles scored the go-ahead touchdown on the next drive, highlighted by a gorgeous throw by Hurts to Devonta Smith.
It wasn’t the prettiest win for the Eagles, who allowed five sacks (all in the first half) and did not get the best passing performance from Hurts, but it was a gritty win and one that proved why they are a front-runner to return to the Super Bowl.
🤓 BATH TIME READING 🤓
Oregon Decriminalized Hard Drugs. It Isn’t Working.
On its face, decriminalizing hard drugs seemed like a great idea. It stressed rehabilitation, rather than punishment (read: jail time), which in the case of drug addiction, I support. If for no other reason, our prisons are overflowed as it is. Moreover, it is important to get them help, not stuff them in a jail cell. However, it turns out that Oregonians were a bit over their skies when they voted on Measure 110 to decriminalize hard drugs.
Fatal overdoses in Oregon were on the rise “during the 12 months that ended in May,” up 23%. That is the third-highest increase in the United States.
Calls in regard to people overdosing have also been on the rise. In Eugene, Oregon, there were 438 overdose calls in 2020. There were 823 in 2022, and there have been 858 overdose calls this year.
People aren’t taking advantage of the program that is in place. Roughly 6k tickets were issued for drug possession since Measure 110 went into effect in 2021, but approximately two percent (92 people) “have called and completed assessments needed to connect them to services, according to the nonprofit that operates the helpline. The only penalty for those who don’t call is a $100 fine, which is rarely enforced.”
The silver lining: the courts have not been unnecessarily overflowed with drug possession cases. “About 4,000 people were arrested for drug offenses in Oregon in 2022, down from 11,000 in 2020.”
Given what has transpired, it is possible that the hard drugs will be recriminalized in Oregon. “A measure to do so is in the works for next year’s ballot. A recent poll found the majority of Oregonians support the idea.”
The hope, and ultimate goal, should be to find some sort of middle ground.
“It was not a crazy thing to try at all, but I think they misunderstood addiction,” said Keith Humphreys, a Stanford professor who has studied the measure. “They really had the assumption that if you decriminalize, people would come rushing in saying, ‘Please, give me treatment,’ but addiction is not like cancer where people crawl through broken glass to get treatment.”
If you chuckled and/or enjoyed it, make sure to forward it to others and/or share it on social. Any corrections, omissions, suggestions, etc., send 'em my way. Much love. -Tubz