🤓 Tubz Unfiltered - Volume 109
Horn Dog in Academia; Lotza Sportz; RIP Senator Herb Kohl
Happy Tuesday, y’all!
And Happy New Year. I’m going to diet so hard to start 2024, it’s going to make Jenny Craig seem pre-diabetic.
🛁 EXTRA BUBBLES 🛁
UW-La Crosse Chancellor Joe Gow fired for appearing in porn videos
Mister Horn Dog is a chancellor no more after he and his wife posted videos on the internet of the couple wrestling with each other in the bedroom while also publishing two books about “their experiences in the adult film industry.”
The latest incident was not Gow’s first with the Horny Police. He invited a porn star to speak on the UW-L campus in 2018, an appearance that was paid for using the chancellor’s discretionary fund. Whoops! One of the reasons why he wanted the porn star on campus: “he thought he was stimulating discussion about an uncomfortable topic, and illustrating why free speech is a good thing on a college campus.”
Funny enough, “Gow told the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel the creation of books and videos exploring consensual adult sexuality falls within his right to free speech under the First Amendment.”
Well, it may not be based on this breakdown. Regardless, Gow acknowledged, before the incident, that he was stepping down as chancellor at the end of the school year to return to a normal faculty position. Will he be teaching a class on the Porn and the First Amendment next year? I would imagine it would be an instant-enroll for many of the young whippersnappers.
🏆 SPORTZ 🏆
CFB PLAYOFF
MICHIGAN 27 Alabama 20 (OT): What a classic grind-it-out ballgame in the best venue in college sports. Michigan QB JJ McCarthy almost threw an interception on the first play of the game, the Wolverines’ special teams were more horrendous than a three-day bender, and Alabama’s center had the yips all game, including at the game’s most critical juncture.
Based on this analysis, the final play was supposed to be a Run Pass Option (RPO), with the ball likely going to the Alabama running back on a swing pass. Instead, a crappy snap forced QB Jalen Milroe to have to keep it himself, where he ran into a brick wall and led many to question whether Tide offensive coordinator Tommy Rees graduated from Notre Dame or the University of Phoenix.
The loss is the first one in the CFP Semifinals for Alabama since the 2014-15 season. The Tide barely lost that year to the eventual champion, Ohio State, in the Sugar Bowl.
For Michigan, Coach Harbaugh and his squad have overcome so much adversity, all of which was self-inflicted but that is beside the point. It is adversity, nevertheless. But hey, they play smash-mouth football, which is abundantly difficult to hate on.
I am sure you will hear/read ahead of next week’s national championship game that the Wolverines are looking to capture their first title since 1997. While that is technically true, it was a split title with Nebraska that was voted on by college football writers. Kind of a Mickey Mouse title if you ask me. Michigan has not won a national title in the BCS/CFP era, so I will be rooting for ‘em on January 8 because the current Big Ten is a brotherhood.
WASHINGTON 37 Texas 31: Let’s ban 7:45 P.M. CST/8:45 P.M. EST start times. Please, for the love of all that is holy. I can’t keep up as much as I used to, and I have zero shame in that. I write all of that because I only stayed up for the first half, where Washington QB Michael Penix Jr. was slingin’ arrows left and right to the best collection of wide receivers in the entire sport.
*Checks the highlights, which I am only doing for this game* Seems like he was doing that in the second half, too! The former Indiana transfer finished 29 of 38 for 430 yards and two touchdowns.
The Huskies owned a 34-21 advantage just after the fourth quarter got underway, only for the Longhorns to scratch and claw their way back as they converted an easy field goal with just under a minute remaining to close the gap, 37-31. After a failed onside kick, Washington got the ball back and went three-and-out. Even though the Longhorns only had two timeouts left, they still got the ball back with 45 seconds remaining due to an injury suffered by a Washington player on third down that stopped the clock. I know it didn’t matter in the end, but …. I don’t care if that player snapped his leg in half, he has got to get off the field to burn the clock.
Faced with a fourth-and-11 from inside the Huskies’ 15 with a second left, QB Quinn Ewers overshot his target. Ball game. That route should have been cut off right at the goal line, but I am just a writer with a beard who is about to diet so hard that Jenny Craig will seem pre-diabetic to many, so what do I know?
I am sure you will hear/read ahead of next week’s national championship game that the Huskies are looking to capture only their second title in program history. While that is technically true, the first, in 1991, was a split title with Miami (FL) that was voted on by college football writers. Kind of a Mickey Mouse title if you ask me. Washington, like Michigan, has not won a national title in the BCS/CFP era, but I will not be rooting for ‘em on January 8 because the current Big Ten is a brotherhood.
THE POP-TART BOWL
Before the CFP games, this bowl was the talk of the town, and not because of the play on the field. The broadcast averaged 4.3 million viewers — the largest bowl audience up until that point in the bowl season — and featured an edible Pop-Tart mascot getting devoured like a Thanksgiving turkey by the winning team, Kansas State, after the game. If that is not the epitome of college football/natural selection/’Merica, then I don’t know what is.
Genius marketing. By the way, the best Pop-Tart flavor is Smores. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
Apex Marketing Group calculated that Pop-Tarts generated nearly $12.1 million over the past week alone in brand value from TV, radio, social media, and digital news exposure from the game.
NFL WEEK 17 RECAP
COWBOYS 20 Lions 19: Great ending if you’re a fan of the Dallas Cowboys. And if you’re a fan of the Detroit Lions, well, you likely became either extremely sad, extremely angry, or both once the clock struck triple zeros.
The Saturday night contest was an all-timer, so it is such a shame that the post-game chatter centered around the massive — no, cataclysmic — blunder by the head referee, Brad Allen, a certified dumb dumb.
To make a long story short, three offensive linemen for the Lions approached the referee ahead of the two-point conversion to throw the Cowboys off. Only left tackle Taylor Decker declared himself as an eligible receiver. OL Dan Skipper (no. 70) was one of those linemen who approached Allen, but never declared himself. Of note, Skipper had been declaring himself as an eligible receiver at various points throughout the game. Head coach Dan Campbell said after the game that he explained everything to a tee to the officials before the game. In one ear and out of the other, apparently.
Decker caught a pass from Jared Goff on the two-point try to give the Lions a one-point lead with under 30 seconds remaining, but he was assessed a penalty for illegal touching because he did not report himself as eligible. Despite reporting as eligible. So my best guess is that Allen assumed Skipper was going to report as eligible and didn’t even hear Decker communicate as much, even though Decker was standing right in front of Allen. What happens when you assume, ladies and gentlemen?
The loss screwed the Lions from controlling their destiny to grab the No. 2 seed. They can still clinch that seed, but they’re going to need more help than a morbidly obese person trying to walk up a small flight of stairs. Thus, quite a screw job by the men in stripes.
But … Campbell should have kicked the XP after the two-point try was unsuccessful. Refocus and whip some ass in overtime. Not only did they go for two immediately after the penalty, but they went for two again after edge rusher Micah Parsons was flagged for offsides. Buddy boy needed to count to ten and make a logical decision, instead of an emotional one.
Lost in the shuffle was the performance by CeeDee Lamb, who cemented himself as one of the best receivers in the entire league. He finished with 13 receptions for 227 yards and one touchdown, and in the process, set the franchise record for most receptions (122) and receiving yards (1,651) in a single season. Certified stud.
PACKERS 33 Vikings Not Enough: This was a good old-fashioned beatdown. Jordan Love shredded Minnesota’s defense to the tune of four total touchdowns and a 125.3 passer rating and solidified himself as the team’s next franchise quarterback. Helluva feeling. What a rollercoaster of a season this has been for the Green and Gold, and there’s one final drop — a win-and-they’re-in contest against the Chicago Bears at Lambeau Field. Words will not be able to describe the pain and anguish I will have if the Packers lose in Week 18.
Read more here about Green Bay’s dominant win.
🤓 BATH TIME READING 🤓
RIP Senator Herb Kohl
Herb Kohl, the former United States senator and Milwaukee Bucks owner, passed away last week at the age of 88 “after a brief illness.” Kohl was one-of-one and is the sole reason why the Bucks still call Milwaukee home today.
Kohl sold the Bucks in 2014 to Wes Edens and Marc Lasry for $550 million, the highest dollar figure at the time that an NBA team was sold for. According to former Bucks radio announcer Ted Davis, current LA Clippers owner Steve Ballmer offered $1 billion to Kohl to buy the Bucks, but Kohl declined because the former Microsoft CEO was planning to move the team to Seattle.
Further evidence that Kohl was steadfast on the Bucks remaining in Milwaukee: he pledged $100 million toward the new arena, now Fiserv Forum, after the sale went through as the “Bradley Center was not deemed to be an acceptable venue by the NBA, so there was a mandate that they had to build a new facility or the team couldn’t stay there. So it was a very real issue,” Edens told The Athletic.
Best of all, Kohl did so without any fanfare and did not request any credit.
“It was very important to him for us to keep the team in Milwaukee,” Lasry said. “He ended up giving us $100 million to build a new arena. And we had said to him, ‘Is there anything you want? Should we name it the Kohl Center? Is there anything you want us to do?’ And he was like, ‘No, no, this is for the community. This isn’t about me. This is about what’s good for Milwaukee.”
RIP to a Milwaukee and Wisconsin legend.
If you chuckled and/or enjoyed it, make sure to forward it to others and/or share it on social. Any corrections, omissions, suggestions, etc., send 'em my way. Much love. -Tubz