Tubz Unfiltered - Volume 125
Rap beef; Playoffs + Tom Brady Roast Recap; Refunds for Delayed, Canceled Flights
Happy Tuesday, y’all!
Have you ever thought about tripping someone who entered the elevator before you exited? I have. Sue me for the thought.
Let’s break bread.
🛁 EXTRA BUBBLES 🛁
GOOD OLE RAP BEEF
The beauty of Tubz, from my vantage point anyway, is that each week brings a new surprise. It’s a bit like Russian Roulette, except I don’t get shot between the eyes. (That would suck.) This week, I’m recapping a rap beef between Drake and Kendrick Lamar. Full disclosure: I have not listened to a full album by Kendrick since Damn album (2017) and a full album by Drake since Take Care (2011). In case it wasn’t abundantly clear already, it should be now: Wonder Bread is whiter than I am. But let’s stay on topic!
These two gentlemen collaborated with each other in the past, starting in 2011, but things took a turn when Kendrick called out Drake and other rappers during his feature on Big Sean’s “Control,” released in Aug. 2013. The hip-hop artists exchanged attacks in the years that followed, because that’s what these people do apparently. Everything came to a head last month.
The Canadian weirdo (that’s Drake) released a diss track, “Taylor Made Freestyle,” aimed at Kendrick, which included Tupac’s voice. (Tupac’s estate threatened to sue, so the song was ultimately removed.) Kendrick tossed a flamethrower back in the direction of Drake, “Euphoria.” The diss track “dug deeper into criticism of Drake, including his ethnicity, appearance, and hip-hop credibility.” Kendrick released another diss track, “6:16 in LA,” prompting Drake to release one in return, “Family Matters.” Guess what happened next? You guessed it — another diss track by Kendrick! "Meet the Grahams," which “made accusations against Drake's family life, including allegedly hiding his daughter from the public.”
And then Kendrick said, “I ain’t finished yet,” so he released another diss track, "Not Like Us.” According to BuzzFeed (yes, they’re still around), the track “doubl[ed] down on every accusation from the previous tracks.” We like doubling down, no mercy.
Drake responded with "The Heart Part 6.” What’s the significance of that name? It is derived from Kendrick's ongoing, five-part "The Heart" series. Spicy! Drake “used the track to deny most allegations against him, claim he intentionally leaked false information, and rehash the accusations against Kendrick.”
I may have missed some details, but know that the internet seems to believe that Kendrick eviscerated Drake, so I’m going to follow the crowd and declare Kendrick as the winner for now.
Not sure if it’s related — it very well might be — but a security guard was shot outside of Drake’s Toronto home Tuesday morning and sustained serious, but not life-threatening, injuries.
Drake’s potential response:
🏆 SPORTZ 🏆
NBA PLAYOFFS
The New York Knicks are in the second round for the second consecutive postseason. They have not accomplished such a feat since making the second round in 1999 and 2000. After OG Anunoby had a ferocious dunk over second-class citizen Joel Embiid that gave the the Knicks an eight-point lead with under three minutes remaining in Game 6, it looked like the 76ers were dead in the water. They came storming back, though, but it was all for naught. Josh Hart nailed a go-ahead three ball with 25 seconds left to seal the victory.
The Knicks and Pacers kicked off their second round series Monday night. The two teams had some legendary matchups in the late 1990s, so I was hoping to see some haymakers thrown in Game 1 to get the juices flowin’. Instead, we got Pacers guard Tyrese Haliburton flailing his arms up and down and complaining like he was a middle school girl who didn’t get invited to a birthday party. Knicks guard Donte DiVincenzo was wetter than the Nile when it was needed the most, sinking a go-ahead three-pointer with 40 seconds left to clinch the Game 1 victory. He also drew an illegal screen, albeit a questionable call by the stripes, on the ensuing possession. (There was also a questionable kicked ball violation called against the Pacers late in the fourth quarter. The fix may be in for the Knicks, and I’m OK with that.) His teammate, Jalen Brunson, donning a haircut you expect from someone who gets their hair braided on a beach in Mexico, finished with 43 points. It was his fourth consecutive game with at least 40 points. Knicks in 4, for obvious reasons.
The Cleveland Cavaliers took care of the Orlando Magic in seven games. The Magic raced out to an 18-point lead in the first half of Game 7 and then, consciously or subconsciously, proceeded to miss practically every shot from that point forward. The goal in basketball is to put the ball in the hoop more times than your opponent (S/O James Naismith), and the Magic, point blank, failed in that regard. Franz Wagner and Jalen Suggs especially failed in that regard, combining to shoot 3/28 from the field. The main reason the Cavs are advancing to the second round for the first time since 1993 without LeBron? The play of Donovan Mitchell. Give him some ice and a brace because he put the team on his back, averaging 28.7 PTS, 5.0 REB, 4.4 AST, and 1.4 STL per game. And in the last two games, he put up 89 combined points. Good for Cleveland, the armpit of the Midwest, who will face off against the Celtics in Round 2 and will, in all likelihood, get boat raced.
Minnesota superstar Anthony Edwards, who may be Michael Jordan’s long-lost child, is the next face of the NBA. Etch that statement into stone. Edwards had 43 PTS, 7 REB, and 3 AST against the defending champs as the Timberwolves stole Game 1 on the road, 106-99. Naz Reid, the Sixth Man of the Year, was huge in the fourth quarter, scoring 14 points.
And in Game 2, the Timberwolves were on the Nuggets defensively like white on rice, cruising to a 106-80 victory without center Rudy Gobert because his baby mama popped out the couple’s first kid. Minnesota forced 19 turnovers and three shot clock violations, and held Denver to 35% shooting from the field.
The Dallas Mavericks advanced to the second round, where they will meet the Oklahoma City Thunder, after eliminating the Los Angeles Clippers in six games. Kyrie Irving scored 30 points in the series-clinching Game 6 victory, including 28 after halftime, while Luka razzled and dazzled with 28 PTS, 13 AST, and 7 REB. Luka averaged nearly 30 PTS, 9.5 AST, and 8.8 REB per game on a bum knee. Game 1 is Tuesday.
NHL PLAYOFFS
Two Game 7s took place over the weekend, and they did not disappoint. The Boston Bruins, staring down the barrel at a potential first-round loss for the third consecutive postseason, were down 1-0 in the third to the Toronto Maple Leafs but scored almost immediately after surrendering the go-ahead score to tie things up. In overtime, Boston defenseman Hampus Lindholm executed such a sexy pass that many Boston fanatics were like Hamas protestors because they were pitching tents (trying to delete), as David Pastrnak corralled the puck off the boards and scored the game-winner. The Maple Leafs are a cursed franchise. There is no other way to put it. They’ve lost six straight Game 7s, with four of them coming against the B’s at TD Garden, and registered one (1) postseason series win in the last 20 years. Oh, and Toronto only scored one power play goal during the series.
The Bruins were expected by media pundits to get shot like a horse behind the barn by the Florida Panthers in Round 2, but the Game 1 outcome pumped the brakes on that storyline. Boston was victorious, 5-1.
My Dallas Stars emerged victorious against the Vegas Golden Knights, 2-1, scoring a nifty back-handed shot early in the third period to take the lead for good. Jack Eichel had a wide-open net late in the second period, which would have given the Golden Knights a one-goal advantage, but buddy boy completely whiffed on the back-hand attempt. Sucks to suck. With the victory, head coach Peter DeBoer improved his Game 7 record to a perfect 7-0. The Stars will have home-ice advantage against the Colorado Avalanche in the second round. Game 1 is Tuesday.
THE ROAST OF TOM BRADY
Tom Brady, the NFL 🐐 and the latest celebrity to go just a bit too hard on plastic surgery, had many people roast his ass on Netflix. The performance, which also included roasts of other guests in attendance, was hysterical. Some highlights below:
“Tom also lost $30 million in crypto. Tom, how did you fall for that? Even Gronk was like, ‘Me know that not real money!’” -Nikki Glaser
“You have seven rings. Well, eight now that Gisele gave hers back. The only thing dumber than you saying yes to this Roast, is when you said, ‘Hey babe, you should try jujitsu.’ … Just knowing your ex-wife’s new boyfriend could beat your ass while eating hers. That’s gotta be terrible.” -Glaser
“It was hard to butt heads with Tom because he was so far up Alex Guerrero’s ass.” -Bill Belichick
“I’m so honored to be here for the Roast of Tom Brady, not to be confused with the Roast of Bill Belichick on the 10-part Apple TV series.” -Belichick
“‘I’m the best decision your organization has ever made. Would you like a massage?’ I love Robert Kraft.” -Jeff Ross, which prompted Brady to stand up and whisper in Ross’ ear, “Don’t say that shit again.”
“When you’ve got a chance to go 8-9, and all it will cost you is your wife and kids? You’ve got to do what you’ve got to do.” -Kevin Hart
“Bill [Belichick] has secretly filmed more guys playing for the other team than Diddy.” -Andrew Schulz
“Remember when you used to yell at us, ‘Look assholes, the fucking kids down at Foxboro High can make that fucking play!’ Well, look asshole, Foxboro High is the only job offer you fucking had!” -Julian Edelman to Belichick
“Remember Deflategate? The NFL spent $20 million and found that it more probable than not that I was generally aware and someone may have deflated my footballs. You could have just given me the $20 million, and I would have just told you I f—cking did it.” -Brady
“Despite everything we’ve seen here tonight, Gronk was actually useful on the field. Although the bar for Patriot tight ends was pretty low back then. Block. Catch. Don’t Murder.” -Brady.
Aaron Hernandez caught many strays all night from six feet under.
KENTUCKY DERBY
Mystik Dan won the 150th installment of the Kentucky Derby. I didn’t watch a second of it, so here’s a picture to show how close of a finish it was.
🤓 BATH TIME READING 🤓
You could soon get cash for a delayed flight
This is neat, and I’m sure airlines won’t make it difficult on customers.
Set to be implemented in October, the new legislations calls for automatic refunds within seven business days for travelers who used a credit card to book their travel if …
If a domestic flight is delayed more than three hours
If an international flight is delayed more than six hours
If the location of the departure or arrival airport changes
If more connections are added to a flight
If passengers are downgraded to a different class or service than the one they paid for
And of course, if your flight is canceled, that would trigger an automatic refund.
Travelers will only be eligible if they turn down an alternative flight option or other compensation, like a travel voucher. That means if a passenger still took a flight after it was delayed for four hours, for example, they would not be eligible for the refund.
The new rule also guarantees refunds of other fees in case wifi doesn’t work or if checked baggage does not arrive within 12 hours of a domestic flight landing, or within 15 to 30 hours of an international flight landing.
If you chuckled and/or enjoyed it, make sure to forward it to others and/or share it on social. Any corrections, omissions, suggestions, etc., send 'em my way. Much love. -Tubz