🙀Tubz 🛀 Unfiltered - Volume 14 🙀
Mayhem in high school basketball; introducing the Kit's Tits; and Nick Saban is still the G.O.A.T.
Happy Monday, y’all!
I had some friends visit me in Dallas over the weekend. My goal each and every week is to make y’all laugh, but allow me to get a little sentimental — I had an absolute blast with them and our time together reiterated to me how important it is to savor great friendships, despite the fact that I will be forced to eat two (2) Tums each day for the foreseeable future.
(Reminder: Share this week’s newsletter with a friend and be entered to win a $20 Amazon gift card).
VIRAL VIDEO OF THE WEEK
This young whippersnapper did not even shake any of the opposing players’ hands before delivering some haymakers. Looks like sportsmanship is a lost art nowadays. SMH.
Body shot to lead things off, right hook to finish the job. I took boxing classes for a month so I know good boxing when I see it, and this is exactly that.
It is unclear what prompted this physical altercation, but the mantra “talk sh*t, get hit” comes to mind.
Kid with the dark hair (I think No. 0 or No. 8, cannot tell) did not want any of that smoke, as the kids say, which is why he got the hell out of the way and moved toward center court. Simply a business decision by that dude, but the downside of said decision is that he will most certainly not receive Teammate of the Year award as voted on by his peers.
As a matter of public policy, I now understand why the NFL began cracking down on taunting — they want to avoid scrums and even more so they want to set a good example for the youth of America. The NBA could learn a thing or two from Goodell Land. That is, roughly a week or so after LeBron James and Isaiah Stewart mimicked Ali-Frazier (more or less), we have some violent riff-raff going on at the high school level. Next thing ya know, these youngsters are going to start thinking it’s OK to bend the knee to China.
🛁 EXTRA BUBBLES 🛁
New York Post: Woman caught breastfeeding her hairless cat on a Delta flight
I’m not sure what’s more bizarre — breastfeeding a cat on a flight or having a hairless cat. Hairless cats give me heebie jeebies as does breastfeeding in public spaces, but such is life.
This woman had one of those, like, hairless cats swaddled up in a blanket so it looked like a baby … Her shirt was up and she was trying to get the cat to latch and she wouldn’t put the cat back in the carrier. And the cat was screaming for its life.
What a visual. When something is cool, I like to describe it as being the cat’s pajamas. This incident clearly does not qualify as being the cat’s pajamas. Thus, going forward, when something is bizarre/weird, I may have to describe it as the Kit’s Tits. Example: “You wear socks to bed? That’s the Kit’s Tits 🤨.”
Might need to workshop that, but let’s put it into the universe and go from there.
Alternatively, what about instead of Elf on the Shelf this Christmas season, we have Kit(s) on the Tit(s)? Again, might need to workshop that.
Altogether, I am not a nourishment expert and will not pretend to be one for purposes of this newsletter. But maybe, just maybe, the little kitty cat could have received a bottle instead? Seems like a fine alternative, but what do I know — I’m not a doctor.
🏆 SPORTZ 🏆
Alabama 41 Georgia 24: Woo boy. As in prior years, Alabama proved Saturday afternoon that they continue to be Georgia’s daddy. Everyone and their mother touted the Georgia defense as one of the best to ever step on the field, and because of that, the Crimson Tide did not stand a chance. Well, I think we all forgot that Nick Saban, the CFB G.O.A.T., is still the head coach at Alabama and should never be doubted. Anyway, QB Bryce Young absolutely torched — and I mean absolutely torched — Georgia’s defense like it was a gotdamn barbecue as the true sophomore finished with 461 total yards (40 rush yards) and four total touchdowns (one on the ground). Unless the voters are as blind as a bat, Young will take home Heisman Trophy honors.
Georgia got out to a 10-0 lead, but Alabama answered with a 67-yard touchdown reception by Jameson Williams (7 receptions, 184 yards, 2 touchdowns) early in the second quarter. The dude wasn’t touched on an intermediate crossing route. Alabama did not look back from that point forward.
After the Bulldogs forced a punt, they got the ball back in the fourth quarter down 31-17. Hey, maybe Georgia can get back in this one. Nope. Stetson Bennett pooped his pants and threw a pick-six. Blouses. With the thumping, ‘Bama earned a spot in the College Football Playoff for the seventh time in the eight-year history of the CFP and will be the no. 1 seed for the fifth time (2014, 2016, 2018, 2020, 2021).
Pittsburgh Steelers 20 Baltimore Ravens 19: Besides the Packers-Bears rivalry, this game is my favorite rivalry in the NFL. Gritty football dudes versus gritty football dudes. Hard-nosed football from the first whistle until the last. In the 30th meeting between John Harbaugh and Mike Tomlin, the Steelers’ offense slept walk through the first three quarters — shocker — but scored 17 points in the fourth quarter, including a touchdown reception by Diontae Johnson (8 receptions, 105 yards, 2 touchdowns) on third-and-goal with under 2 minutes remaining.
The Ravens responded with a touchdown of their own and, instead of playing for overtime, Harbaugh opted to go for two. TJ Watt, who was a monster all game long (4 sacks and 11 QB pressures, per Pro Football Focus), was able to get enough pressure in the face of QB Lamar Jackson to force the incompletion and seal the victory for the Black and Gold. So while the try was ultimately unsuccessful, I love Harbaugh for having the plums to go for it.
If you chuckled, make sure to forward to others and/or share on social. Any corrections, omissions, suggestions, etc., send 'em my way. Much love. -Tubz