🚽 Tubz Unfiltered - Volume 143
Exercise Pill; CFB, NFL, MLB Recaps; PE firms' latest investment spree
Happy Tuesday, y’all!
Over the years I have much preferred to keep my personal life private. I don’t need people in my business. But because I’m somewhat in the “content business,” I have opened up a bit more. So, I’m going to let you in on a little secret: I’ve been ripping farts left and right in front of my girlfriend. And before you start judging, it’s a sign of a healthy, comfortable relationship, according to relationship experts. OK, back to being private.
🛁 EXTRA BUBBLES 🛁
New exercise pill mimics the effects of running a 10K — without effort
In the good ole days, you had to drink a Slim Fast (or six) and do lines of booger sugar to feel skinny. Now, you can apparently pop a pill and get a runner’s high without the feeling of having to take a dump five minutes after the legs start churning. Science, for the win!
What’s next? Something I’ve been spitballing in my head (not to brag) — blood tests that can take blood via a simple finger prick and “quickly and accurately detect conditions like cancer and high cholesterol.” Could be lucrative.
🏆 SPORTZ 🏆
CFB WEEK 7 RECAP
TEXAS 34 Oklahoma 3: The best rivalry game in the sport. Not going to lie, there was a small part of me that missed being in Dallas for this game and looking down upon Oklahoma fans because their state is top-tier trash, filled with nothing but construction barrels, casinos, and medical marijuana storefronts. At any rate, there is a lot of season left, but I’m confident in concluding at this point that the Longhorns are the only dominant team in the sport after they patted their little brother on the head and said, “Better luck next year.” Big test for Texas this weekend as it squares off against Georgia in Austin.
PENN STATE 33 USC 30 (OT): Penn State was staring down the barrel at a disappointing loss, trailing 20-6 in the first half. Thank goodness for tight end Tyler Warren. He finished with 17 receptions (tied for the most by an FBS tight end in CFB history, according to ESPN’s Field Yates) for 224 yards and one touchdown, which came on a play he originally lined up at center. Yes, you read that correctly — he snapped the ball to start the play. Penn State got away with two defensive pass interferences (first down and third down) in the first overtime period because college football refs are as inconsistent as Midwestern springs. The Trojans missed a 45-yard field goal, and on the Nittany Lions’ first OT possession, former walk-on kicker Ryan Barker, donning an interesting forearm tattoo but I approve because you need your kicker to have a couple of screws loose, nailed a 36-yard game-winning field goal. The victory saved head coach James Franklin from his embarrassing, whiny rant earlier in the week.
OREGON 32 Ohio State 31: The Buckeyes reportedly spent $20 million on their 2024 roster, but it seems like they skimped on the quarterback position — at least in terms of intelligence. QB Will Howard scrambled and slid to set up a game-winning field goal, but time expired right as he hit the turf. Doh! But that whoopsie daisy does not tell the whole story.
For starters, the Buckeyes’ defense, filled with studs at practically every position, did not force a punt in the fourth quarter, allowing two scoring drives (one touchdown and one field goal, the latter of which turned out to be the game-winning score). Second, WR Jeremiah Smith was called for an offensive pass interference call in Oregon territory with under thirty seconds left on second down. As a Buckeyes hater, I believe it was pass interference; Smith appeared to extend both arms to create separation. Others thought it was not pass interference because the Oregon defender initiated contact first. Lo and behold, the refs called pass interference. Gotta trust the stripes. And on 3rd and 25, Oregon had 12 defenders on the field, a no-no, but it was by design. HC Dan Lanning, who likely took a page out of legendary defensive coordinator Buddy Ryan’s playbook, utilized a loophole in the rulebook because the penalty was not a dead-ball penalty, which allowed precious time (four seconds) to run off the clock, from 0:10 to 0:06. It left the Buckeyes with enough time to run just one more play.
LSU 29 Ole Miss 26 (OT): There’s something in the water at night in Baton Rouge. After Ole Miss took a 17-7 lead with under two minutes remaining in the first half, courtesy of an acrobatic catch by WR Tre Harris, the Rebels were, from that point forward, like college students trying to study while hungover — an uphill battle that did not end well. The Rebels had two turnovers (one fumble at the end of the first half and one interception) and allowed one third-down and two fourth-down conversions on the final drive of regulation, with one of the fourth-down conversions being a 23-yard touchdown strike to Aaron Anderson that tied the game. (The Ole Miss safety looked like he was asleep at the wheel and didn’t provide any help over the top.) In overtime, Ole Miss scored on a 57-yard field goal, but the Tigers answered with a 25-yard pitch-and-catch for six on the very first play from scrimmage. LSU did not lead for a single second.
WISCONSIN 42 Rutgers 7: Last but not least, the Badgers might be back? And by back, I mean they might get to seven, even eight, wins. For the second consecutive game, Wisconsin dominated on the ground, anchored by another impressive performance by Tawee Walker (24 carries for 198 yards and 3 TDs), and QB Braedyn Locke actually threw the ball down the field and surveyed the defense successfully (sans the interception into double coverage), instead of skipping passes to wide receivers. Progress! Rutgers RB Kyle Monangai was the second-best running back in the conference in terms of average rushing yards per game entering Saturday’s contest, but the Badgers’ defense stymied him by holding him to 72 yards on 19 carries. Once they shut down Monangai, Rutgers had no chance to win because the Scarlet Knights QB is awful — no idea how he’s a Division-1 scholarship quarterback.
*In Volume 142, I mentioned I watched a video on Twitter regarding Alabama’s predictable defensive coverage in the upset loss to Vanderbilt. The video was from Brooks Austin, which you can find here.
NFL WEEK 6 RECAP
LIONS 47 Cowboys 9: The worst margin of loss since Jerry Jones became owner in 1989. It was also tied for the fourth worst at home in the history of the franchise. This very well might be rock bottom, which occurred on Jones’ 82nd birthday of all days. Head coach Mike McCarthy is a dead man walking. He should actually do more walking, but that’s a story for a different day. And to make matters worse, Detroit clowned Dallas throughout the entire game.
TEXANS 41 Patriots 21: I thought before the season that rookie QB Drake Maye should not see the field until late in the season. Enough to get his feet wet, but not enough to severely stunt his development because his accuracy issues in college were concerning, New England has zero receiving weapons, and the offensive line is a train wreck. The coaching staff thought differently, and they clearly know better than I do (but I still know ball, for the record) because Maye was pretty impressive in his first career start as he was 20-of-33 for 243 yards and three touchdowns, including a 40-yard beaut to Kayshon Boutte, and moved well throughout the pocket. He did throw two interceptions, but one of them was the wide receiver’s fault. Maye is the only glimmer of hope New England has.
BUCS 51 Saints 27: This game was Bourbon Street-level intoxicated. Five total interceptions. Almost 900 total yards. Tampa Bay took a 17-0 lead, New Orleans exploded for 27 points in the second quarter and held a 27-24 halftime, only for Tampa Bay to score touchdowns on four of their last five possessions of the game. It was the Saints’ fourth loss in a row. If rookie QB Spencer Rattler doesn’t start for the rest of the season, HC Dennis Allen should be dragged out of the building by his tighty whities. It’s not because Rattler, a fifth-round pick in the ‘24 Draft, lit it up in his NFL debut, it’s more so because you have to eventually see whether Rattler is worth investing in or whether it is better to use a high draft pick on a quarterback in the 2025 NFL Draft. QB Derek Carr ain’t a quarterback you can build around.
MLB PLAYOFFS
And then there were four.
The Cleveland Guardians, down 1-0 in the bottom of fifth against the eventual AL Cy Young winner Tarik Skubal in Game 5 of the ALDS, scored one run off a hit by pitch to tie the game up at 1. And then Lane Thomas did the unthinkable and made Cleveland a vacation destination with one swing of the bat by belting a grand slam to give the Guardians the lead for good, advancing them to the ALCS.
The euphoria was short-lived, though, as the New York Yankees took care of business in Game 1, 5-2. Do you recall how I wrote that the Yankees would likely lose in devastating fashion because their closer, Clay Holmes, blew the most amount of saves during the regular season? Well, unbeknownst to me, they made a change and inserted Luke Weaver into the role, who recorded his fourth save of the postseason Monday night. Three of his four saves have spanned more than one inning.
The Dodgers and those gotdamn pesky Mets are tied at one game apiece in the NLCS. Francisco Lindor smacked a lead-off homer in Game 2 and was intentionally walked to load the bases in the top of the second. Young buck Mark Vientos took care of the rest and hit a grand slam piss missile to give the Mets a 5-0 lead. They eventually held on for a 7-3 victory.
🤓 BATH TIME PONDERING 🤓
Private Equity Pours Millions Into HVAC, Plumbing Trades
Looks like you can slip a fat stack of Benjamin’s into plumber cracks around the country, and everyone goes home happy.
Redwood Services, for example, has bought 35 companies in the last four years. The deals have spanned from buying smaller companies outright for an average of $1 million to taking a majority stake in bigger companies with an average valuation of $20 million.
The co-owner of one of the smaller companies bought outright by Redwood (it specialized in sewer inspections and repairs), Aaron Rice, now 43 years old, “spent five years in prison for selling meth before co-founding his plumbing business in 2012 with his business partner, Mike Nagal.”
The American Dream!
For private-equity investors, the strategy is one that has been put to use in industries as varied as carwashes and nursing homes: Roll up businesses to create larger players and improve their margins by adding managerial know-how, back-office efficiency and beefed-up marketing and recruiting budgets. Critics of the PE model said that it can mean higher prices for consumers and less competition, but others said it can improve service quality and boost the bottom line.
Another good example of why we need to stop pushing a college degree on young whippersnappers, and instead, push them toward going to trade school. Everyone won’t be able to sell their company to a private equity firm for bookoo bucks, but they can make a good living without being saddled with mountains of debt.
If you chuckled and/or enjoyed it, make sure to forward it to others and/or share it on social. Any corrections, omissions, suggestions, etc., send 'em my way. Much love. -Tubz