🦃 Tubz Unfiltered - Volume 148
YouTuber Fulfills Dad's Wishes; CFP + NFL Recap; Aaron Rodgers' great-grandma
Happy Tuesday Wednesday, y’all!
Thanksgiving — surprise, surprise — is Thursday. I hope everyone enjoys Turkey Day with their loved ones. And I hope everyone knows my stance on a Thanksgiving staple: pumpkin pie.
It is trash and overrated.
🛁 EXTRA BUBBLES 🛁
YouTuber Rosanna Pansino Smokes Marijuana Grown From Her Father's Ashes to Fulfill His Dying Wish
Most people spread the ashes of their loved ones in a body of water or at a place that holds special meaning. This stoner had a different idea in mind.
Presumably looking to make a splash on the first episode of her new podcast, Rodiculous, YouTube creator Rosanna Pansino engaged in the Cheech and Chong variety. Her father passed away five years ago and “revealed that his dying wish was for her to ‘take his ashes, mix it in with some soil, and grow a marijuana plant and smoke him.’”
We all grieve in different ways, so I’m not going to call her a witch and recommend that she be burned at the stake. But I will point out that there is a common internet meme called, “Smoking on That ‘X’ Pack,” used to disrespect someone. So maybe she could have eaten some weed brownies, instead.
Note: She didn’t actually smoke her dad’s ashes. Based on this Reddit thread, the ashes were likely next to the marijuana plant as “cremains provide no value to plants. Anything a plant might use to grow is burned up in the cremation process.”
🏆 SPORTZ 🏆
CFB WEEK 13 RECAP
Another chaotic, hold-onto-your-butts Saturday in the college football world. A slew of ranked teams took home a big ole L, which threw a massive wrench into the College Football Playoff landscape.
Alabama (8-3, 4-3) lost a stunner to Oklahoma in Norman, 24-3, a game in which Jalen Milroe threw three interceptions. Nick Saban is not walking through that door, and Crimson Tide fans are likely jonesing for Kalen DeBoer to exit stage left. Alabama will have its first three-loss season since 2010.
Ole Miss QB Jaxson Dart threw for over 300 yards, but he tossed interceptions on back-to-back drives at the end of the game against Florida in the 24-17 loss. The first interception showed that Jaxson should Dart for a corporate job as he threw it into triple coverage. He airmailed the second interception, which was ultimately reversed after replay showed the defender did not have full control. And the third interception, on the very next play to end the game, was a miscommunication with his receiver. After everyone wrote off Gators HC Billy Napier after a slow start, Florida is now bowl eligible and playing exponentially better than it did at the beginning of the season, thanks in large part to the play of freshman QB DJ Lagway.
After Arizona State beat BYU in Tempe, 28-23, the Big 12 standings are as clogged up as a toilet that welcomed Taco Bell with fire sauce from an individual’s rear. S/O conference realignment and the disposal of divisions for that! ASU, BYU, Iowa State, and Colorado, who got throttled against Kansas, all have two conference losses. I’ll spare you the other bologna because “[t]here are more than 250 different ‘scenarios’ that could play out in an eight-way tie, per the Big 12 office,” as noted by CBS Sports. Instead, I’ll update you next week on who will square off at Jerry’s World!
And last but not least, Ohio State brought Indiana back down to earth with a smacking at the Horseshoe, 38-15. The Hoosiers scored on their first offensive possession — and looked good doing it — but that is all Indiana would muster until two minutes left in the fourth quarter. Between those two drives, Indiana registered 26 yards in 32 plays and also had two special teams miscues (a botched snap and a punt return TD), directly leading to 14 points for the Buckeyes. What’s worse, Curt Cignetti appeared to subtly throw in the towel to make the final score more respectable. Tough to stomach for people like me who want IU in the CFP for the vibes. He opted to punt down 28-7 with 3:30 left in the third quarter on a 4th and 11 from Ohio State’s 43. Plus, as Ryen Russillo pointed out on the Monday episode of his podcast, Indiana was down 31-7, with nine minutes left on the clock in the fourth quarter when the drive started. Yes, the Hoosiers scored a touchdown and subsequent two-point conversion to make it 31-15, but the drive took seven (!!) minutes off the clock. OSU HC Ryan Day must have picked up on Cignetti’s antics because why else would Will Howard run a QB sneak, with the team in victory formation, from the 1 for a touchdown with under a minute left?
CFP RANKINGS
The Crimson Tide are somehow still alive, because of course they are, ranked No. 13 and the second team out in this week’s installment of the CFP Rankings. They will obviously need some help in front of them.
Boise State is squarely in the field, at No. 11, but will they end the season as one of the top four conference champions and earn a first-round bye? The Broncos will have to fend off the Big 12 winner.
If Ohio State is the fifth seed, holy cakewalk to the semifinals.
If Miami beats Syracuse on the road Saturday, the Hurricanes will meet SMU in the ACC Championship Game. Will the loser of that title game be left out in the cold? SMU and Miami pass the eye test (hello, electric QBs), but the Hurricanes’ defense is anemic.
Indiana dropped to No. 10 (11 seed), but I would be shocked if Cignetti’s squad is on the outside looking in once the dust settles, as long as they beat lowly Purdue this weekend. Although if Clemson (No. 12) beats the brakes off South Carolina on Saturday AND Indiana struggles with Purdue … there might be a discussion.
NFL WEEK 12 RECAP
COWBOYS 34 Commanders 26: After a Dallas field goal, the score was 13-9 with ~8 minutes left. Thereafter, it became a drunken affair that would put an alcoholic’s family Thanksgiving feast to shame. Dallas forced a fumble and scored on its next possession to make it 20-9. Washington responded with a touchdown of their own, only for KaVontae Turpin to return the ensuing kick for six after executing a filthy spin move. The Commanders answered with a field goal and forced Dallas to punt. And then Mike Zimmer’s defense fell asleep at the wheel. QB Jayden Daniels found WR Terry McLaurin outside the numbers with ~30 seconds remaining, and what happened the catch was pretty simple: McLaurin ran past defenders and wasn’t touched. “LIGHTNING STRIKES TWICE IN WASHINGTON,” FOX announcer Joe Davis screamed from the rooftop.
However, kicker Austin Seibert ordered the toaster-bath combo and electrocuted himself as he missed the extra point, his second missed XP of the day. Washington attempted an onside kick, and Juanyeh Thomas, an undrafted free agent from Georgia Tech, recovered it, saw daylight, and did not stop until after crossing the goal line. It was his first NFL touchdown — he did it for his Mama! HC Mike McCarthy had the same look as he did when he used to pull up to the Culver’s drive-thru one minute after it closed. Allow me to be a bit more graphic to drive home the point: McCarthy wanted to stab Thomas metaphorically. Thankfully, it didn’t matter because Daniels threw an INT that ended the game.
PACKERS 38 49ers 10: I fully understand Green Bay was up against the JV version of San Francisco, as star left tackle Trent Williams, star edge rusher Nick Bosa, and star quarterback Brock Purdy were all sidelined. But this is what good teams do — they beat opponents they’re supposed to, and that is exactly what the Packers did. The team has their two big-ticket free-agent acquisitions to thank for that. RB Josh Jacobs was a bulldozer operated by a whiz kid savant as he finished with 106 yards on the ground with three touchdowns and forced 15 (!!) missed tackles, while safety Xavier McKinney recorded another interception, his seventh of the year, tied for the league lead. Best of all, QB Jordan Love didn’t throw an interception and the Packers scored five touchdowns in five red zone trips. Glorious!
Looking ahead, the Packers welcome the Dolphins to Titletown on Thanksgiving night in what should be an entertaining game. The Dolphins are 9th in rushing defense and in the top half in rush defense Expected Points Added (EPA) per play allowed. On the other side of the ball for each team, the Packers have been great against the pass. Still, they will face a tough test in Tua Tagovailoa, who has thrown for 11 TDs (1 INT) and 1,277 passing yards, with a completion percentage of 77% and a passer rating of 116.2, in the last five games since returning from his umpteenth concussion.
🤓 BATH TIME READING 🤓
I recently finished Aaron Rodgers’ unauthorized biography, Out of the Darkness: The Mystery of Aaron Rodgers, authored by Ian O’Connor. Cannot recommend it enough. A page-turner, as the old heads say. I might do a book review at some point after the football season to fill the content calendar, but I do want to share one interesting tidbit now, nothing to do with football whatsoever.
Rogers’ tenth great-grandmother, Elizabeth Clason (or Clawson), was “accused of being a witch and tried in a Fairfield [Connecticut] courtroom in 1692. Elizabeth’s body was searched for satanic markings, and she was tied up and thrown into a pool of water to determine if she would float (a supposed indication of guilt, with water, a pure and central part of baptism, believed to reject anyone who had made a deal with the devil). Though two eyewitness accounts suggested that she might have floated, Elizabeth was found not guilty of the witchcraft charges after dozens of fellow Stamford residents signed an affidavit attesting to her character.”
It must have been a full-circle moment for one of the best quarterbacks to ever live when he was practically accused of being a witch after it was revealed he was not vaccinated.
If you chuckled and/or enjoyed it, make sure to forward it to others and/or share it on social. Any corrections, omissions, suggestions, etc., send 'em my way. Much love. -Tubz