⛳ Tubz Unfiltered - Volume 165
Space trip; Masters recap, Tennessee QB shown the door; Bath Time Pondering
Happy Tuesday, y’all!
In an alternate world, I would have become a tax lawyer to figure out how to legally pay as little in taxes as possible (and make bank). Plus, job security would probably be damn near 100%. Then again, I would likely want to scoop my eyes out, so maybe I’m in a good spot after all.
Programming note: I will be in the Pacific Northwest next week, so Volume 166 may be different than the norm.
🛁 EXTRA BUBBLES 🛁
Katy Perry, Gayle King and others reflect on their brief but historic trip to space
I’m all for women's empowerment — the all-female crew’s trip was the “first all-female spaceflight since 1963,” which is incredible! — but to say they went to space is like saying you went to the gym, when in reality … you walked through the gym doors, stretched for a few minutes, headed out to the parking lot to drive away, and posted a selfie on Instagram with the caption, “Got better at the gym today 💪.”
🏆 SPORTZ 🏆
2025 MASTERS
Sports are f—cking awesome.
Rory McIlroy, sitting on four majors since his 2024 Open Championship victory, was atop the leaderboard heading into the final round at Augusta and looked to be in complete control after holding a four-shot lead ahead of the final nine, despite a double bogey on Hole 1. A rollercoaster of epic proportions ensued. He recorded a disastrous double bogey on 13 while Justin Rose had back-to-back birdies on 15 and 16 to tie Rory at -11. Rory lost the lead on 14 after his par putt was centimeters away from the cup. He rebounded by hitting his approach shot within two feet on 17 and tapped in for birdie. As he approached 18, he was probably thinking of his green jacket measurements, which royally screwed him because he choked as he had in the previous majors by missing a four-foot putt to win it and ended with a bogey. Rose had made an improbable birdie putt on 18 to get to 11-under prior to Rory contracting a case of the yips.
To the playoff we go!
On the first hole of the playoff, McIlroy hit a perfect approach shot from 125 yards out to within four feet. Unlike before, he locked the eff in, sinking the putt to complete the career Grand Slam.
He became the sixth player to do so, joining Gene Sarazen, Ben Hogan, Gary Player, Jack Nicklaus, and Tiger Woods, and became the first golfer to win the Masters after making four double bogeys or worse.
To see the jubilation — and relief — on Rory’s face when the ball found the bottom of the cup was undoubtedly a chill-inducing moment for many of the millions who tuned in. But … how funny would the reactions have been if Rory had found yet another way to lose in dramatic fashion?
*Tubz Unfiltered disavows Kanye West*
Former Five-Star Recruit Leaving SEC Program
Nico Iamaleava, a former five-star quarterback recruit, is no longer a member of the Tennessee Volunteers football program because his dad, who reportedly acts as his agent alongside family friend Cordell Landers, is a candidate for the Tubz Unfiltered Dumb Dumb Hall of Fame.
This fiasco began to percolate last season. According to Josh Pate (h/t College Sports Only), Iamaleava and some of his teammates threatened to sit out the CFP Playoff “unless they were paid more NIL money.” That threat was emptier than a glass of lemonade on a hot summer day as Iamaleava was under center for the Volunteers’ blowout playoff loss to the Buckeyes, a game in which he completed 14-of-31 passes for 104 yards.
The California native reportedly made $2.4 million in 2024, part of an $8 million deal he signed in 2022 as a high school student-athlete, according to ESPN’s Pete Thamel. Nico’s reps should have been happy with that deal seeing as how Nico completed 57% of his passes (80th in the country), averaged 6.1 yards/attempt (88th), and produced a 114.9 QB Rating (85th) against FBS teams with a winning record, according to Pick Six Previews.
However, the arm talent and potential for Nico are there, so I understand why his camp would approach Tennessee to get more money, although that should have been done just as the December transfer window was opening — when the most amount of money is being thrown around. Make some calls, see what other teams are willing to pay, and then go back to Tennessee and say, “‘X’ program is offering $3 million; are you willing to match?” That’s what a professional agent would have done. Nico did not have that type of person in his corner. He had a money-hungry, delusional amateur playing high-stakes poker with an absurd amount of money on the table, a recipe ripe for disaster.
In the first of its kind in the sport, Nico missed meetings and practice last Friday, the day before Tennessee’s spring game, so head coach Josh Heupel told him to pack his bags and not let the door hit him on the way out. The two sides had been in “active negotiations on a new NIL deal,” according to On3’s Pete Nakos. The spring transfer window officially opens on Wednesday.
The day before the winter portal ended in January, Iamaleava's representatives asked for his deal to increase to the $4 million range, but Tennessee didn't redo it.
"We weren't going to flinch this time either," a source told ESPN.
So Nico is entering the portal with an offer already in hand, right? You can’t walk away from more than $2 million without having a surefire deal in your back pocket, right? Dead wrong. Tulane and UNC were identified as potential suitors, but they have reportedly decided to go in a different direction. Notre Dame reportedly said (I’m paraphrasing), “Thanks but actually hell no.”
Nico’s dad didn’t have a BATNA. Hate to see it.
A possibility still exists that Nico is paid handsomely, relatively speaking, but I would be shocked if the 2025 figure is even remotely close to over $2 million. And he has his dad to thank for that. Father’s Day could be quite awkward.
NBA PLAYOFFS
I watched approximately three minutes of the NBA regular season, so why bother previewing the playoffs when I wouldn’t know my head from my ass when it comes to the teams. But I will recap the playoff games once they happen, you can count on that.
But what I do know is that the Chicago Bulls will continue to be Play-in Tournament team for years to come until the team is ultimately sold to a new owner because Jerry Reinsdorf is a compete-but-never-truly-suck type of owner.
My two cents: Either aim to be (1) a top-five seed or (2) a bottom-five team competing for the No. 1 overall pick. Purgatory, like the Bulls have been perpetually in for quite some time now, is hell in professional sports IMO.
🤓 BATH TIME PONDERING 🤓
1. If you had to go on a road trip with one “famous” person, who would it be with?
2. What three items would you buy from the gas station (Kwik Trip) for said road trip?
If you chuckled and/or enjoyed it, make sure to forward it to others and/or share it on social. Any corrections, omissions, suggestions, etc., send 'em my way. Much love. -Tubz