💩 Tubz Unfiltered - Volume 167
Philly Pooper; NBA, NHL Playoffs; Bath Time Pondering
Happy Tuesday, y’all!
S/O MapQuest. What a revolution they were. No idea what they’re up to nowadays; they’re probably not in the greatest shape, but I wish them well.
🛁 EXTRA BUBBLES 🛁
Delco woman seen defecating on another car in road rage video
Hit and run? More like a shit and run.
Christina Solemeto, otherwise known as the Delco Pooper, should consider buying a subscription to Headspace and introducing more fiber into her diet after she defecated diarrhea on the hood of another car in a road rage incident.
Solometo said she was trying to get home from work and got frustrated that the driver of the silver car wasn’t paying attention to traffic. Solometo added that on top of all the frustration, she was having stomach issues and decided to go around the silver car and turned on to 4th Avenue. … Solometo stopped her car, exited and walked back to the silver car and exchanged words back and forth with the driver.
Solometo said as she was walking back to her car, the driver of the silver car called her a “fat bitch” which made her angry. Solometo said, “I wanted to punch her in the face, but I pooped on her car instead and went home.”
You might be wondering (or not), what caused the “liquified feces?” Spinach dip, apparently. Citizen journalism is alive and well.
But that’s not the best part of the story. The best part of the story is that the Delco Pooper told officers afterward, “It was a clean poop. I didn’t even have to wipe.”
Mic drop.
10/10. No wipes.
🏆 SPORTZ 🏆
NBA PLAYOFFS
KNICKS 108 Celtics 105 (OT): After Boston was spanking New York and built a 20-point lead in the third quarter, I turned it off because I had better things to do than watch a mauling. I turned it back on because, to my surprise, I didn’t have better things to do, and voila, with six minutes or so left in the fourth quarter, the Knicks were back in it. NYK guard Jalen Brunson had 11 points in the fourth quarter (29 points for the game), including a personal 8-0 run. He could have had 13 points, but he missed a game-winning floater off the glass with two seconds left, sending the game into overtime. In the extra session, Boston missed its first four shots, highlighted by three clanks on one possession; the Knicks responded on the ensuing possession with a triple from Mikal Bridges to take a six-point lead. The Celtics had a chance to tie the game as the clock ticked to zero, but Jaylen Brown failed to get a shot off after Bridges ripped the ball away. And to think that Brown was the Finals MVP a year ago? Sheesh. Bet your bottom dollar that the haul of assets the Knicks gave up for Bridges was well worth it in the eyes of the fans.
The current state of the NBA in a nutshell: Both teams combined for NINETY SEVEN three-pointers.
Altogether, outstanding start to the series for the Knickerbockers, but will they have enough juice to cross the finish line and make the Conference Finals for the first time under HC Tom Thibodeau? Bridges played 51 minutes, OG Anunoby (29 points) played 46 minutes, Brunson played 44 minutes, and Josh Hart played 45 minutes in the victory. Similarly, three starters have averaged at least 40 minutes per game through the team’s first seven playoff games. (The Celtics, meanwhile, have one starter averaging that mark.) This is what Thibodeau does, though — he rides his core players to the bone and treats his bench players like red-headed stepchildren.
Other NBA games
The Indiana Pacers, who finished 14 games back of the Cleveland Cavaliers in the regular season standings, went on a 20-11 run over the final seven minutes to take Game 1, 121-112. Tyrese Haliburton, without his dad in attendance, scored a game-high nine points in the final frame, and the Pacers shot 52.8% from deep for the game, led by Andrew Nembhard (5/6 3PT). Douche McGee (sorry, still bitter) currently sits first in NBA history in playoff career 3PT percentage (51.14%). Game 2 is Tuesday. Evan Mobley, Darius Garland, and DeAndre Hunter all missed Tuesday’s shootaround, so the Indiana voodoo magic is at it again.
The Denver Nuggets, led by player-coach Nikola Jokic, took care of business against the Los Angeles Clippers in the opening round and stole Game 1 from the Oklahoma City Thunder, courtesy of a game-winning three-pointer from Aaron Gordon. Jokic finished Game 1 with 42 points, 22 rebounds, and 6 assists.
The Golden State Warriors, fresh off an upset of the Houston Rockets, will meet the Minnesota Timberwolves in Round 2. The odds of a fight breaking out have to be -100. Draymond Green has previously assaulted Rudy Gobert and Mike Conley. Jimmy Butler forced his way out of Minnesota after he reportedly torched the then-Minnesota starters in a closed scrimmage and essentially was sick of being teammates with bums. Steph Curry hates affordable housing (clashes with the Midwest blue-collar mentality). It should be an entertaining series, to say the least, but I’m not sure how many games I’ll be able to watch because the start times royally screw me, an East Coast resident.
NHL PLAYOFFS
There is nothing like a Game 7 in the Stanley Cup Playoffs, and the hockey gods blessed the public with two of them over the weekend.
After the Colorado Avalanche scored early in the third period to take a two-goal advantage, the Dallas Stars scored four unanswered goals, including three by Mikko Rantanen, who spent his first nine full NHL seasons with the Avalanche. Rantanen finished the series with 12 points (5 goals, 7 assists). With the victory, Stars HC Pete DeBoer improved to 9-0 in Game 7s. Per John Fanta: “Even wilder: there have been 199 game 7s in Stanley Cup Playoffs history. Only 4 times has a team come back from multiple goals in the 3rd period and won. DeBoer has accounted for the last TWO of those.”
The St. Louis Blues appeared to be headed to the second round until, well, the clock struck midnight. Facing a 3-1 goal deficit, the Winnipeg Jets pulled their goalie with two minutes left in regulation and scored off a deflected wrister. And then with less than two seconds left, Cole Perfetti tipped in a shot from just in front of the net to tie things up at three goals apiece. The Jets scored off another deflection in the second overtime for the game-winner to advance to the second round. Brutal if you’re a Blues fan. However, if a Jets fan ever needs a pick-me-up, he or she can watch the highlights for the rest of eternity and be satisfied instantly.
KENTUCKY DERBY
I did not watch the race live, but since the race is two minutes long, I caught the full replay, which ended with an all-time close finish. Except it didn’t because, as it turned out, I watched the 2024 Kentucky Derby. I blame Peacock for its horrible technology.
Sovereignty won the 2025 Kentucky Derby in sloppy conditions, bypassing Journalism. A bit too on the nose for our current climate if you ask me, but I digress.
Reports surfaced Tuesday that Sovereignty will skip the Preakness, meaning another year goes by without a Triple Crown winner. Looks like load management has made its way to the horse track. Hate to see it.
Interestingly, every horse in the Derby was a descendant of the G.O.A.T. horse, Secretariat.
The horses in this year's Derby vary from fourth to seventh generation descendants of Secretariat, who was bred from 1974 until his death in 1989. The last of Secretariat's sires were born in 1990.
This will be the tech space starting in ~2050, but instead of the Secretariat being the responsible seed spreader, it will be Elon Musk.
🤓 BATH TIME PONDERING 🤓
If you were preparing for an apocalypse, what three (3) items would you keep from your dwelling to stay alive?
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