Happy Tuesday Thursday, y’all!
Riots in California. A very public, toxic “Mean Girls” feud between the President and Rocket Man. And I’m getting taxed up the rear.
But at least we all can still save 15% by switching to Geico.
🛁 EXTRA BUBBLES 🛁
Costco cards are not valid forms of ID at airport security
Newsflash! Learn something new every day.
This is the power of Costco. Some people hold Costco in such high regard that they believed a Facebook rumor that a Costco membership card holds the same weight as a government ID or driver’s license. I don’t blame them. (They might also believe “gullible” is written on the ceiling, but that’s beside the point. I wish to uplift others today, not call them grade-A dumb dumbs.)
Think about it this way. Outside of previously offering Pepsi products, Costco is a joyous experience. You don’t go to Costco for any specific items in mind — no pre-selection involved whatsoever. Costco tells you what to get. It’s shopping euphoria. Who in the hell is in a bad mood at Costco? That’s right — no one!
On the other hand, there is nothing euphoric about the government, at least not nowadays. Maybe when the OG Constitution was first enacted, there was jubilation. But now? Despair. Existential dread. Chaos.
Costco is selling hot dogs and double chocolate chunk cookies, wiping away problems left and right. The government gives out food stamps and, more or less, makes our lives hell on Earth.
At the very least, a Costco membership card should be OK as a second form of identification. That’s the least the government could do, an easy fix that constituents of both political parties would fully support.
🏆 SPORTZ 🏆
NBA PLAYOFFS
Game 1 — The Pacers sprinkled their devil magic in Oklahoma City. Indiana erased a nine-point deficit with less than three minutes left and stole Game 1 courtesy of yet another clutch bucket by Tyrese Haliburton (14 PTS, 10 REB, 6 AST) who found the bottom of the net with less than a second remaining.
Game 2 — I was convinced this game was taking place Saturday night. My Saturday plans were accounted for — locking in on this game. I double checked what time the game was and found it was on Sunday. Borderline malpractice by the NBA to not have an NBA Finals game on a Saturday. But I digress. The Thunder built an 18-point halftime lead and never looked back en route to a commanding victory. Shai Gilgeous-Alexander finished with 34 PTS, 8 AST, and 5 REB. The biggest takeaway from this game, though, was the actual court. For roughly a decade, the NBA has not had the Larry O’Brien Trophy decal on the court because of “player safety.” Translation: Wokeness, probably. Enough viewers were sick of the NBA’s BS and evidently the league heard their complaints. So, yes, the Larry O’Brien Trophy decal returned to the court, but (a) it was designed on ClipArt and (b) it was a digital decal.
Kid: I want the Larry O’Brien Trophy decal back on the court, Mom!
Mom: We have the Larry O’Brien Trophy decal at home!
At home:
Game 3 — Haliban & Co. were wetter than the Nile in the fourth quarter as they made 62% of their field goals and outscored the Thunder by 14 points, slicing and dicing like they were trying to quickly make their way through Gary, IN, en route to a 116-107 victory. OKC only scored one FG in the last six minutes. The Pacers bench were instrumental in Indiana taking a 2-1 series lead, led by Bennedict Mathurin, who finished with a game-high 27 points, including 10 in the final frame, in only 22 total minutes of action. Overall, Indiana’s reserves outscored their counterparts by 31 points (49 to 18).
And once again, Haliburton was the straw that stirred the drink. The Iowa State product finished with 22 points on 9-of-17 shooting to go along with 11 assists and 9 rebounds.
STANLEY CUP PLAYOFFS
Game 1 — The dream of the Oilers hosting the Cup was as vivid as it could be as Edmonton erased a 3-1 goal deficit and won in an overtime thriller, 4-3. Connor McDavid was filthy throughout, and Leon Draisaitl tallied two goals, including the game-winner with 31 seconds left in the first overtime period.
Game 2 — Goals galore during regulation, including one by Edmonton’s Corey Perry with 18 seconds left to force overtime. Wily vet Brad Marchand got behind the defense in the second overtime and trickled in a backhand shot past Stuart Skinner to tie the series at one game apiece and clinch the 5-4 victory. It was Marchand’s second goal of the contest.
Game 3 — The Panthers were an offensive juggernaut, there is no other way to put it. Florida scored 56 seconds into the game and went on to score two goals in every period, cruising to a 6-1 victory. There was a big scrum in the third period between the two clubs, which led to six players heading to the dressing room early. Love to see that — what playoff hockey is all about. I think the only way Edmonton can stop the Panthers at this point is for the scrums to escalate in magnitude. The Oilers might need to take off their skates and improvise. Because It’s The Cup!
Going forward, Edmonton has to find a way to keep Sam Bennett in check. The 28-year-old center has scored in every game this series, finding the back of the net on four occasions, and has 14 total goals in this year’s playoffs. The Oilers also have to find a way to neutralize the Panthers’ third line of Brad Marchand, Anton Lundell, and Eetu Luostarinen; they have combined for 10 points through the first three games.
ANOTHER NCAA LANDMARK CASE
Starting July 1, college athletics will usher in a brand-new era, courtesy of the NCAA v. House settlement. Athletes will now be able to receive the big bucks from three sources: (1) their respective institutions (a first), (2) NIL Collectives, and (3) brand deals.
The settlement will offer $2.8 billion in damages, as well as allow all D-I schools to offer up to $20.5 million to all the current players in their athletic departments (a number that increases incrementally over 10 years, during the lifetime of the injunctive relief). Schools must offer money to all sports, though they don’t have to offer equitable amounts; the Trump-led Department of Education has said that revenue-sharing payments wouldn’t be subject to Title IX.
In essence, the above-referenced $20.5 million is a salary cap. Schools have until June 30 to opt into the terms of the House settlement. Among the Power-4 conferences, as you may expect, most of the salary cap will be allocated toward football. More specifically, Jon Wilner writes that those conference teams will likely, in the first year, “allocate approximately $15 million to their football rosters, with $3 million to men’s basketball and the remainder of the $20.5 million to Olympic sports.”
Many in the industry predicted this day was coming, prompting them to frontload NIL deals to essentially circumvent the cap. That’s why, for example, Texas Tech, who has oil money up the wazzu, will shell out $55 million to its athletes for 2025-26.
Will the rich get richer in this new landscape?
UW needs to start backing up the Brinks truck and they need to start yesterday because I’m sick of watching below-average football teams and basketball teams who can’t make it to the second weekend, although maybe we are destined to be a #VolleyballSchool and #WomensHockeySchool and I need to come to grips with that.
The revamped system will also welcome the College Sports Commission, the “enforcement arm that will have final say in doling out punishments and deciding when rules have been broken.” It will be headed by Bryan Seeley, the former MLB executive vice president of legal & operations. As a result, the days of the Big Bad NCAA are functionally over.
Relatedly, there will be a NIL clearinghouse, NIL Go, “which will be used to verify whether deals between athletes and boosters or associated entities are for a valid business purpose rather than a recruiting incentive.” Any NIL deal over $600 must be submitted to NIL Go. As pointed out by Kristi Dosh, Deloitte will review any NIL deal over $600 to confirm it “does not exceed a reasonable range of compensation based on multiple factors, including but not limited to, the deal’s performance obligations, the student-athlete’s athletic performance and social media reach, the local market, and the market reach of his or her institution and program.”
Sounds like another antitrust lawsuit waiting to happen.
Altogether, I’m all for the players getting paid what they are worth. That is long overdue. But my biggest qualm is the lack of roster continuity from year to year. Gone are the days of seeing a player arrive at your favorite institution as an unheralded freshman and leave four years later as a campus legend, or at the very least a much improve ball player. Collective bargaining could be the answer to that, although that’s easier said than done because, generally speaking, (1) there must be an employee designation to collectively bargain, and (2) some states prohibit public employees from collectively bargaining. Alternatively, schools could enter into multi-year deals with athletes, which could include a specified buyout that the athletes would owe in the event they “terminate” the deal by leaving for another school.
The chaos is likely far from over.
FRENCH OPEN
One of the best major tennis finals on the men’s side in quite some time. Trailing 5-3 (40-love) in the fourth set, Carlos Alcaraz saved three championship points and mounted a comeback for the ages, taking down Jannik Sinner in five sets to capture his fifth major.
Sinner was hitting it long, shot after shot in the decisive set, which is funny because the whole point of tennis is to hit it between the lines. He looked tired. However, he battled back to take a 6-5 lead, from a 5-3 deficit, in the final set. Alcaraz held serve and took the first seven points of the 10-point tiebreaker and ultimately took the tiebreaker, 10-2.
The match lasted a whopping five hours and 29 minutes, the second-longest men’s major final by time. Not to brag, but I spend more time watching football on an NFL Sunday. Harder to do than you think.
On the women’s side, American Coco Gauff took care of Aryna Sabalenka in three sets — 6-7 (7-5), 6-2, 6-4 — to secure her second major title. The world No. 1 was the definition of the sore loser, remarking in her post-match press conference: “(Coco) won the match not because she played incredible, just because I made all of those mistakes.”
🤓 BATH TIME READING 🤓
Wall Street Journal: Think Twice Before You Click ‘Unsubscribe’
Except don’t think twice before you unsubscribe to Tubz Unfiltered because I would hope you wouldn’t even entertain the thought of unsubscribing. Respectfully.
As to other sites, there is a risk in clicking “unsubscribe” as “one in every 644 clicks on unsubscribe links that say ‘click here to unsubscribe’ leads users to potentially malicious websites.”
All three experts say they are usually comfortable using “list-unsubscribe headers”—the built-in, hyperlinked buttons maintained by many email-service providers and positioned in the heading of emails that give users an easy way to opt out of emails. These are generally safer than clicking on unsubscribe links in the body of emails, they say, because they don’t take you out to the web.
The easiest way to stay safe on the mean streets of internet email — block the sender so that future emails go to your Spam folder.
If you chuckled and/or enjoyed it, make sure to forward it to others and/or share it on social. Any corrections, omissions, suggestions, etc., send 'em my way. Much love. -Tubz