🐦 Tubz 🛀 Unfiltered - Volume 55
The Bird App Down Bad?; CFB + NFL Recap; Kyrie Irving is the latest Tubz Unfiltered's Dumb-Dumb.
Happy Monday, y’all!
We’re almost done with the political ads, texts, and calls. If you are looking to impress one or more family members, you should definitely email or text them on Wednesday morning and ask how their votes went. It shows them you care.
🛁 EXTRA BUBBLES 🛁
The Bird App Has A Broken Wing
Elon Musk is a very successful businessman, having built Paypal, SpaceX, and Tesla. His latest business venture, though, is not off to a hot start.
For starters, Musk wildly overpaid for Twitter, as the $54.20 per share price tag ($44 billion) far exceeded the valuation ($25 billion).
How much annual debt payments does the company have? More than $1 billion, per the Wall Street Journal. I’m not a finance guy, but that number seems less than ideal.
Several big box brands are temporarily halting advertising on the site, which is no bueno seeing as how ad sales represent more than 90% of Twitter’s revenue.
He laid off ~3,700 people last week and a lot of them “learned they lost their job after their access to company-wide systems were suddenly suspended.”
Twitter will be delisted from the NYSE on Tuesday.
🏆 SPORTZ 🏆
COLLEGE FOOTBALL RECAP
Georgia 27 Tennessee 13: Aaaand just like that, Georgia is back to being the best team in the sport after bullying the Volunteers in Athens. Georgia was simply bigger, faster, and stronger on Saturday and converted on some big plays through the air en route to its 11th win in the last 13 contests versus Tennessee.
Notre Dame 35 Clemson 14: Touchdown Jesus’ disciples dominated the line of scrimmage on both sides of the ball en route to 262 rush yards on 46 carries (5.7 yards/carry) and 4 sacks plus 4 QB hurries. CB Benjamin Morrison also added two interceptions, including a pick-six. The loss all but eliminated Clemson from the College Football Playoff for the second-straight season.
LSU 32 Alabama 31: What a wild last five minutes of regulation and overtime. Alabama QB Bryce Young escaped a potential sack on 3rd and 10 with under 5 minutes left and threw a 41-yard strike to take a 21-17 lead. The Tide went for two to make it a six-point advantage, but were unsuccessful. That must have been OC Bill O’Brien’s call because Nick Saban can’t be that dumb; O’Brien, on the other hand, seems like a dumb jock.
LSU converted two key third downs on the ensuing possession and struck gold on a pitch and catch between QB Jayden Daniels and freshman TE Mason Taylor (Hall of Fame DE Jason Taylor’s son) in the corner of the end zone with under two minutes remaining. Alabama answered with a field goal to force overtime. (Had Alabama kicked an extra point earlier, that FG would have won the game.)
Alabama scored on the first possession of overtime and Daniels answered on a designed QB run on the first play of the Tigers’ first OT possession. Kick the XP and live to fight another OT possession? Nope. The Tigers went for two as Daniels connected with Taylor again, on a play that was reminiscent of the game-winning play that Clemson ran against the Tide in the 2019 National Championship.
Gotta love the fire crotch kiddo (in purple) walking away with the pylon. Momento for life. LSU HC Brian Kelly will now need a wheel barrel for the size of his plums, especially since the Tigers are in the driver’s seat to represent the SEC West in the SEC Championship Game. Bye-bye to Alabama’s playoff chances.
NFL RECAP
Lions 15 Packers 9: R.I.P. to the Packers’ 2022 season. Sept. 11, 2022-Nov. 6, 2022. The Lions came into Sunday with the worst defense in the league — by a wide margin — and the Packers managed to score 9 points. Aaron Rodgers played like absolute trash, and I believe it was malpractice by GM Brian Gutekunst to not make at least one move at the trade deadline, either signaling that the team was a buyer or signaling that the team was a seller.
Will this team be picking in the top 10 for the first time since 2009 or picking in the top 5 for the first time since 2006?
Seahawks 31 Cardinals 21: The Seahawks are no fluke as they improve to 6-3 and are atop the NFC West amidst a four-game winning streak.
They are a physical team, are getting legitimate contributions from their rookies — particularly running back Kenneth Walker, who has now scored a touchdown in five straight games — are well coached, and QB Geno Smith has played way above expectations (26-of-34 for 275 yards and 2 TDs (1 INT) on Sunday). That is a recipe for having success in the playoffs. HC Pete Carroll must have received a new adderall prescription or is hopped up on a new strand of Mountain Dew.
Bucs 16 Rams 13: In case y’all forgot: Tom Brady is the G.O.A.T. First, after passing for 280 yards (36-of-58) on Sunday, he became the first player to throw for 100,000 yards. Second, and more importantly, Tampa Bay went 60 yards in 35 seconds as Brady connected with tight end Cade Otton with seconds left on the clock. It was the first touchdown by a Bucs’ tight end this year.
After Tampa Bay outscored Los Angeles 10-0 in the fourth quarter, the Rams have been outscored 71-10 in the fourth quarter this season.
Do you think Pretty Boy Sean McVay, who uses more gel in his hair than Elvis (RIP) did, is regretting not taking the broadcast gig he was reportedly offered during the offseason?
— — —
The Nets are an absolute dumpster fire. Not only are they shit for brains on the court (4-6 record and can’t play a lick of defense), but they are hosting the three-ring circus off the court. First, they fired Steve Nash last week. That was probably the best day of Nash’s life. Then, it was reported that they are set to hire Ime Udoka, the suspended Boston Celtics head coach who had sexual relations with a female staffer — and who knows what else he did to warrant a year-long suspension. (No official hire has been made.)
It gets worse. Kyrie Irving took a page out of Kanye West’s playbook — words to the wise: never do that — by posting a link on Twitter to a film that was shown on Amazon Prime Video. The film contained “a number of antisemitic conspiracy theories and falsehoods, including a fabricated quote from Adolf Hitler.”
He knows the Oxford dictionary. Good for him. “Siri, look up ‘Nut Job’ in the Oxford dictionary. LMK the results plz.”
After Kyrie’s interview on Thursday where he dug himself in a hole so deep he could be halfway to China by now, the Nets suspended Kyrie without pay for a minimum of five games, which will cost him at least ~$1.26 million ($251,747 per game, according to ESPN’s Bobby Marks), and he will return to action when “he satisfies a series of objective remedial measures that address the harmful impact of his conduct.”
In that same press release, the Nets declared that Kyrie “is currently unfit to be associated with the Brooklyn Nets.” Nike also suspended its relationship with Kyrie and will no longer release the Kyrie 8. Yikes times Infinity.
All of this goes to show how far a Duke education will take ya.
One final note: I wonder whether Adam Silver, a Jewish man, had a heavy hand in pushing the Nets toward suspending Kyrie.
— — —
The Houston Astros won the World Series on Saturday, their second ring in the last six seasons. According to Tubz Unfiltered, the Astros are one of five teams to win at least two World Series titles this century. (The Red Sox (4), Giants (3), Cardinals (2), and Yankees (2) are the others.)
If you carry grudges, you might say that the Astros’ 2017 ring is of the Micky Mouse variety because they cheated.
Rookie SS Jeremy Pena was named the MVP (.400, 1 HR, 3 RBIs), the first rookie position player to take home such honor and the ninth player in the history of the sport to win the League Championship Series and World Series MVP in the same postseason.
As a parting shot, below are some interesting lil McNuggets about the World Series, per Wikipedia.
The 1907, 1912, and 1922 World Series each included one tied game.
The 1903, 1919, 1920, and 1921 World Series were in a best-of-nine format (carried by the first team to win five games).
🤓 BATH TIME READING 🤓
This week’s volume has been a bit lengthy already, so I’m going to take a shower this week and be back next week better than ever.
If you chuckled and/or enjoyed, make sure to forward to others and/or share on social. Any corrections, omissions, suggestions, etc., send 'em my way. Much love. -Tubz