🦖 Tubz 🛀 Unfiltered - Volume 69
New Barney; Are the Brewers a poor franchise? NBA All-Star Weekend; Bath Time Watching
Happy Monday, y’all!
Some would categorize this week’s Volume as #nice.
🛁 EXTRA BUBBLES 🛁
Barney is back: Mattel gives its nostalgic purple dinosaur an animated makeover
Corporate messaging and marketing are often underestimated, as many people fail to recognize their true power and potential impact.
From my 20/20 eyes, the original Barney was perfectly fine. While his eyes may have been a bit small, I think my skepticism as an adult is on display with that analysis. Mattel, however, believed that the original Barney was deeply flawed.
I am appalled and disgusted that Mattel chose to promote the idea that plastic surgery is acceptable by completely remaking Barney. The move fails to consider what type of message it sends to the youth of America.
Michelle Obama’s “Let’s Move” initiative could have been the backdrop for Mattel’s transition of Barney from old school to new school, but the company decided to lean into Hollywood’s fascination with plastic surgery instead.
It makes me wonder what could be next — will the company that oversees the Teletubbies give them a tummy tuck in a remake?
🏆 SPORTZ 🏆
THE MILWAUKEE BREWERS ARE DRIVING ME BONKERS
What a week for good ole Brewers owner Mark Attanasio and his small pockets.
The Brewers announced they need money for renovations to American Family Field Miller Park, so WI Governor Evers last week was like, “We’ll earmark $290 million in the 2023-2025 state budget proposal for you!”
In exchange for that big ole sum of money, the Brewers would extend the lease for American Family Field Miller Park to 2043. Evers’ proposal still needs to be approved by the Republican-controlled legislature, so we shall see whether those Republicans like the Brewers enough to give their stamp of approval. You can read more about the intricacies of the situation here and here.
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The real driver of my frustration came from the outcome of Corbin Burnes’ arbitration hearing. A little background to start things off while I let my blood pressure go down: Players eligible for arbitration have at least three years of MLB service time, “but are not yet eligible for free agency, which is earned after six years of MLB service time.” In effect, there are three years of arbitration.
The arbitration process is sensitive and rather uncomfortable because teams essentially argue that the player in question is not worth the salary figure that the player filed at. No player wants to hear that they are not good enough.
Arbitration can be avoided, though, by the team buying out the remaining years of arbitration and agreeing to a long-term contract with the player. Some players, and their agents, are OK doing so because it provides them with long-term financial stability. After all, MLB contracts are fully guaranteed. They can also avoid arbitration for a particular year by simply “settling” at a particular salary figure for that season and avoid having to go in front of an arbitration panel to decide the player’s salary for that season.
On the contrary, there are some players, and their agents, that want to go through each year of arbitration and not get bought out. In effect, it is a short-term loss for a long-term gain because while they may make less than they should in an arbitration year, they could potentially make quite a bit more money once they hit free agency, especially if the player is entering his “prime” years and/or is a high-profile player. Scott Boras is notorious for going through each year of arbitration for his high-profile clients.
Alright, back to Burnes. The flamethrower is in his second year of arbitration and filed at $10.75 million last week. The arbitrator ruled in favor of the Brewers, so the former 2021 Cy Young Award winner will make $10.01 million this year.
The fact that the Brewers argued that Burnes was the reason why the club did not make the playoffs in 2022 is bush league and mind-boggling. He led the National League in strikeouts (243) and was second in opponent batting average (.197), fifth in WHIP (0.97), and tenth in ERA (2.94), but he did register a 3.97 ERA after the All-Star break and was shelled in two starts in August, against the Dodgers and Pirates. Still, those two starts, coupled with his performance over the second half of the season, are hardly the reason why the Brewers did not make the postseason.
Once Burnes won the Cy Young, Burnes was as good as gone before the Brewers slapped him in the face, mainly because Attanasio, Chief Cheapo, will not be able to afford to give Burnes a long-term contract as the ace will probably command $40+ million per year once he hits the open market after the 2024 season. But there is something to be said about taking care of your superstars while they are under your roof, particularly if it only costs a measly $740k.
NBA ALL-STAR WEEKEND
Snooze fest, not gonna lie. On the plus side, Mac McClung won the dunk contest and put people like me (read: white male) back on the athletic map by becoming “the first white guy to win the dunk contest since Brent Barry in 1996.”
Jayson Tatum scored a record-setting 55 points in the All-Star Game, where there was not a lick of defense being played.
One thing that made my skin crawl throughout the All-Star weekend: the NBA trotting out Karl Malone. He was one of the dunk contest judges and was also honored during Sunday’s game. Why did his presence make my skin crawl? It is pretty simple: While he attended college at Louisiana Tech, he knocked up a 13-year-old GIRL. No criminal charges were ever filed and Malone got out of paying child support, though he reached a settlement with the girl’s family. The terms were not disclosed.
Karl Malone deserves a first-class ticket to hell.
🤓 BATH TIME READING 🤓
This week’s Volume is a bit lengthy at this point, so I will conclude it with some content that I am watching and highly recommend. So, more like BATH TIME WATCHING this week.
In no particular order:
If you have any additional recommendations, send them my way!
If you chuckled and/or enjoyed it, make sure to forward it to others and/or share it on social. Any corrections, omissions, suggestions, etc., send 'em my way. Much love. -Tubz