💪 Tubz 🛀 Unfiltered - Volume 73
Yoked Grandma; March Madness Recap; BWW Litigation
Happy Monday, y’all!
I would like to think I am pretty transparent about everything, so in that vein, here is a recent Google search of mine while I assumed the same position I held on Saturday and Sunday: laying on the couch.
🛁 EXTRA BUBBLES 🛁
New York Post: I’m a bodybuilding granny — trolls trash me but I refuse to be weak
Some old geezers go to swim classes or lightly peddle on a stationary bike to stay fit, but not Granny Guns, who may be overcompensating for something but let’s not take away any of the shine off her pistols.
How old do you think this AARP cardholder is? Looking at the picture (TikTok handle not included), I would have thought she was at least 70, but she is 65. Good for her.
The article pointed out that the cookie master’s bulking “represents a growing trend among muscle-sculpting senior citizens.” You do you, members of Dentures United, but that trend is weird as hell.
🏆 SPORTZ 🏆
UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN = WOMEN’S HOCKEY SCHOOL
The Wisconsin women’s hockey team, which lost five-straight contests in January, won the national championship against Ohio State on Sunday. It was the program’s seventh title, the most in NCAA history, and third in the last five years.
Senior goaltender Cami Kronish saved 37 shots against Minnesota in the semifinals and 31 shots against Ohio State en route to being named the Most Outstanding Player of the Frozen Four.
I think it’s safe to acknowledge that head coach Mark Johnson is one of the greatest college coaches of all time, regardless of sport.
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MARCH MADNESS RECAP
Tap to find a vein and inject this opening weekend of action into my bloodstream.
SOUTH REGION
The tournament started off with one of the most bone-headed plays in the history of the game, as Virginia point guard Kihei Clark chucked it up at the end of the game like he was playing “500,” with a timeout in his back pocket, which then turned into a game-winning three-pointer for Furman. Furman then got routed by San Diego State, who will face off against Alabama in the Sweet 16.
The nerdz of Princeton shocked Arizona in the first round and then smoked Missouri in the second round, 78-63, behind 12 three-points and a plus-14 advantage on the glass. Princeton’s victory marked the third-straight season that a 15 seed has made it to the Sweet 16. Plus, Princeton became only the second Ivy League team to make the Sweet 16 since the NCAA Tournament expanded to 64 teams in 1985 (Cornell in 2010).
Princeton will face off against Creighton, a team that spit in Baylor’s face in the second round en route to a 85-76 victory. The Blue Jays shot 46% from deep (11/24) and were perfect from the charity stripe (22/22).
WEST REGION
Kansas, the reigning champ, led Arkansas by eight at the half and was 47-0 all-time in the tournament when leading by eight points or more at intermission. Update the logs because Razorbacks came storming back in the second half behind 21 points from Davonte Davis (25 for the game) and are headed to the Sweet 16 for the third-straight year. The Razorbacks will meet UConn in the Round of 16, as the Huskies dominated Iona and St. Mary’s and posted an average margin of victory of 19.5.
TCU (!!) beat Arizona State as Jakobe Coles hit a floater with three seconds left to overcome an 11-point deficit in the second half, but the Horned Frogs were overmatched by Drew Timme (28 points, 8 rebounds, and three assists) and Gonzaga in the second half of the Round of 32. On the bright side, Damion Baugh hit a three as time expired — #GoodTeamsWinGreatTeamsCover. The Zags are headed to their eighth-straight Sweet 16.
UCLA withstood a pesky effort by Northwestern to advance to the Sweet 16. UCLA and Gonzaga have met three times in the NCAA Tournament and two of the matchups were quite the joy ride. In 2006, the Bruins went on an 11-0 run to end the game to advance to the Elite 8, crushing the dreams of Adam Morrison & Co. And in 2021, Gonzaga won on a half-court buzzer-beater by Jalen Suggs to advance to the National Championship Game.
MIDWEST REGION
Auburn, playing in nearby Birmingham, was up by 10 at halftime on Houston in the second round, but the Tigers only scored four field goals — all in the paint — in the second half as Houston outscored them by 27. In other words, Houston pulled Auburn’s pants down and laughed at them. The Cougars will meet Miami in the Sweet 16 after the Hurricanes pistol-whipped Indiana.
The other half of the Sweet 16 will consist of two high-powered offenses in Xavier and Texas. The Musketeers shot 48% from the field in the second round en route to an 84-73 victory over Pittsburgh. Texas shot 51% from the field against Penn State in the second round, behind 28 points and 10 boards from Dylan Disu, and has averaged 76 points through the first two games. The Longhorns are back in the Sweet 16 for the first time since 2008.
EAST REGION
Kentucky, coached by the most overrated man in the sport, was up four with four minutes left, but then Kansas State’s Markquis Nowell (27 points & nine assists) hit the team’s third three-pointer of the game on the next possession, which was followed by two more three-pointers, including one with 1:23 left to put KSU up by 5 and for good. Kentucky, who outrebounded Kansas State by 19, has not made the Sweet 16 since 2019 and is 2-5 in tournament play (SEC Tournament + NCAA Tournament) since Calipari signed a lifetime contract in 2019.
Kansas State, led by first-year head coach Jerome Tang whose team was picked to finish last in the conference by the media in the preseason, will face off against Michigan State in the Sweet 16.
Despite shooting 12.5% from deep, Sparty beat Marquette, who committed 16 turnovers. Big East Player of the Year Tyler Kolek was responsible for six of those 16 turnovers. Shaka Smart has been a loser in eight of his last nine NCAA Tournament games, and the Golden Eagles have not made the Sweet 16 since 2013. Hate to read those two tidbits.
I wrote in last week’s volume that you cannot trust Tennessee head coach Rick Barnes in the NCAA Tournament. Hand up, I was wrong this year because the Volunteers bullied Duke in the second round, 65-52. Tennessee forward Olivier “no idea how to pronounce his last name” Nkamhoua poured in 27 points (10/13 FG) in 22 minutes.
By far the biggest story of the first weekend was Farleigh Dickinson. FDU’s upset win over Purdue was the second time that a 16 seed has beaten a one seed, but the win represented much more than that. It represented one of the biggest, if not the biggest, upsets in the history of the sport.
FDU did not even win its conference tournament but made the Big Dance because Merrimack, the winner of the Northeast Conference (NEC) tournament, was not eligible since it recently transitioned from Division II to Division I. It is an incredibly stupid NCAA rule, but rules are rules.
Unlike UMBC, FDU played in the play-in game.
FDU was the smallest team in the entire country, going up against the presumed National Player of the Year that stands at 7-foot-4.
FDU, who won four games last season and fired its head coach, started the season ranked 355th on KenPom.
The magical run came to an end against Florida Atlantic, a squad that was lucky to even be in the second round after winning on a buzzer-beater against Memphis. FAU-FDU was excellent theater in the second half. All you can ask for in the NCAA Tournament.
The Owls, advancing to the Sweet 16 for the first time in program history in only their second NCAA Tournament appearance, were led by Johnell Davis. The sophomore guard finished with 29 points, 11 rebounds, five assists, and five steals.
Looking ahead …
🤓 BATH TIME READING 🤓
Yahoo! Man sues Buffalo Wild Wings because he says its 'boneless wings' are actually chicken nuggets
Are wings really wings? Some jabroni said “no way, Jose” and filed suit in the Northern District of Illinois. The plaintiff is a serial pain-in-the-ass, as he filed similar types of lawsuits against Colgate, Kind, and Hefty.
How did BWW respond (outside of the courtroom)? With a tweet. Because of course they did.
In the lawsuit, which seeks class-action status, Mr. Halim said the boneless chicken wings from Buffalo Wild Wings are slices of chicken breast deep-fried and made to resemble chicken wings. They are “more akin, in composition, to a chicken nugget rather than a chicken wing,” the lawsuit says.
Mr. Halim bought his boneless chicken wings in January at a Buffalo Wild Wings restaurant in Mount Prospect, Ill. The lawsuit says he would have paid “significantly less for them” if he had known the products weren’t chicken wings. “Mr. Halim suffered a financial injury as a result of defendants’ false and deceptive conduct,” the lawsuit said.
Ruhandy Glezakos, Mr. Halim’s attorney, said it was a straightforward case and he was looking forward to representing his client and other consumers against Buffalo Wild Wings.
As to the actual merits of the case, Alexandra Roberts, a law professor specializing in false advertising, provided the following remarks to the Wall Street Journal.
There are federal and state laws that protect customers from false advertising, according to Ms. Roberts. State laws differ but generally say a product shouldn’t deceive customers or sway their purchasing decisions, Ms. Roberts said.
“I think the plaintiff here is right when we’re talking about ingredients or quality or we’re talking about light meat versus dark meat,” said Ms. Roberts. “That might be something that’s really important to a consumer who’s purchasing something in a category of wings or nuggets or whatever it is.”
If you chuckled and/or enjoyed it, make sure to forward it to others and/or share it on social. Any corrections, omissions, suggestions, etc., send 'em my way. Much love. -Tubz