😛 Tubz 🛀 Unfiltered - Volume 77
Dalai Lama = weirdo; NBA Playoffs recap + NHL Playoffs preview; Housing = super unaffordable
Happy Monday, y’all!
Love is Blind and Netflix swung for the fences by having a live show on Sunday night. The show might as well rename itself now to Love is Delayed because the show did not go on as planned, sending reality TV junkies into a tussle. It will be available today at 3pm EST. Netflix is clearly not ready at all to broadcast live sports.
Reality TV is a little bit silly. Nobody knows what it means, but it is provocative. It gets the people going (S/O Blades of Glory).
🛁 EXTRA BUBBLES 🛁
Sicko.net: Dalai Lama apologises after video asking boy to 'suck my tongue'
What in the living hell was the Dalai Lama thinking? A statement released by the Dalai Lama acknowledged that bald man “often teases people he meets in an innocent and playful way, even in public and before cameras. He regrets the incident."
An innocent and playful gesture would be breaking out the tinkle monster. An innocent and playful gesture would be patting a little boy or girl on the head, smiling at them, and telling them to run along.
Asking a little boy to “suck my tongue” is not an innocent and playful gesture. That is a criminal, and cancellable, gesture. So, back to the drawing board for the Dalai Lama on how to properly greet and interact with children.
🏆 SPORTZ 🏆
NBA PLAYOFFS
I do not care for the NBA product during the regular season, but the product was like crack cocaine during the opening weekend of the 2023 playoffs.
Sure, there were some blowouts — Philly beat the Nets by 20, the Nuggets beat the Timberwolves by 29, and Boston-Atlanta was not all that competitive — but there were also gems that make me want to open up a jewelry store.
KINGS 126 Warriors 123
I’m not kidding when I write that Kings point guard De’Aaron Fox might be one of the fastest people on the face of Earth. The Kentucky product scored 38 points in his playoff debut, tied for the second most points in a playoff debut in NBA history, and Malik Monk chipped in 32 points off the bench (14/14 from the line) as the Kings took down the Warriors in a back-and-forth contest down the stretch. Andrew Wiggins missed a three-pointer from the corner with 10 seconds left that would have given the Warriors a two-point lead, and Steph Curry missed a circus shot as time expired that would have tied it.
Is too early to call Monk and Fox the new Splash Brothers? Yes, but the question had to be asked.
Saturday’s dub was Sacramento’s first playoff victory since the 2006 playoffs. The Kings’ arena looked as hyped as people at a Harry Styles concert.
LAKERS 128 Grizzlies 112
The Lakers got contributions up and down the lineup in Game 1 — led by Austin “I’m Him” Reeves (23 PTS, including 9 PTS in the closing minutes), who sticks out like a sore thumb from time to time, and Rui Hachimura (29 PTS & 6 REB). After Jaren Jackson hit a three with 3:11 left to bring the Grizzlies to within one, 113-112, the Lakers scored the game’s last 15 points, but Memphis was without Ja Morant during that stretch after he injured his hand.
And despite LeBron James’ previous bending of the knee to China, I have to give him his flowers — he made so many highlight reel plays, it is tough to believe he is in Year 20 (21 PTS, 11 REB, 5 AST).
HEAT 130 Bucks 117
#BucksInSix is still alive after the team’s Game 1 loss to the Heat. The biggest question mark for Milwaukee going forward is Giannis’ health. An x-ray came back “clear,” according to Coach Bud, and “we’ll monitor him and see how he wakes up [Monday].” Hopefully, Giannis, who exited the game in the second quarter for good, woke up today feeling like the king of the castle, or else the Bucks might be cooked. The Heat, led by Jimmy Butler (35 PTS, 11 AST), shot 59.5% from the field and 60% from deep. The Bucks gotta clean that ish up.
CLIPPERS 115 Suns 110
I did not catch the Suns-Clippers game until late, but the closing minutes provided some great theater. Kawhi Leonard played in his first playoff game since Game 4 of the 2021 Western Conference Semifinals, and the two-time Finals MVP picked up right where he left off, scorching the Suns for 38 points, five assists, and five rebounds. It would normally be preposterous to write that a dude that was 3-of-19 from the field would be an unsung hero, even the game’s MVP, but that was nevertheless the case for Russell Westbrook.
The 2017 MVP grabbed a key offensive rebound late in the game, sunk two free throws to give the Clippers a 111-108 lead, and then blocked Devin Booker’s layup and threw it off the sharpshooter’s body out of bounds to give the Clippers possession with ten seconds left. He needs to chill, though, in relation to interacting with fans.
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NHL PLAYOFF PREVIEW
The NHL Playoffs are set to start tonight. I did go to one (1) NHL game this season, so I’m clearly equipped to talk shop.
The Boston Bruins had a season for the ages, setting the record for the most points (135) and the most wins (65) in a regular season. They will face off against the Florida Panthers in the first round.
The rest of the playoff field:
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Have you ever wondered how Packers general manager Brian Gutekunst has fared in the draft throughout his tenure? You’re in luck. I wrote about that here.
🤓 BATH TIME READING 🤓
Business Insider: Housing is so unaffordable that banks are losing money for each mortgage they finance for the first time ever
I’m not a math guy, but this seems bad. Quite bad. I was thinking about buying, but rest assured — if anyone cares — I will not be doing so any time soon. Turns out that buying real estate is not like it is when playing Monopoly.
In 2022, independent mortgage banks and mortgage subsidiaries of chartered banks lost an average of $301 for every mortgage they financed, the association said in a recent report. That represents a 113% decrease from last year's average income of $2,339 a mortgage and is the first time that banks posted negative profits for financing home loans since the MBA began recording profits in 2008.
If you chuckled and/or enjoyed it, make sure to forward it to others and/or share it on social. Any corrections, omissions, suggestions, etc., send 'em my way. Much love. -Tubz