✈️ Tubz Unfiltered - Volume 81
Frontier deal; NBA Finals Update + Ja Morant cooked; Prison baby is Harvard bound
Happy Monday, y’all!
Barry, Succession, and Ted Lasso have all concluded, so my personality can no longer be centered around those programs. Tough scene, but I don’t want pity. I am simply stating facts because I can’t think of anything else to open up Volume 81. We’re off to a great start this week!
🛁 EXTRA BUBBLES 🛁
Frontier has a new cheap unlimited flight pass for fall and winter
$299 for unlimited flights from September until the end of February seems like a bank heist, or a bargain in more sophisticated terms. But it is important to keep in mind that the airline, which is a sh*tty one mind you, charges you ~$70 one way for a normal carry-on suitcase. Not to mention, I feel like Frontier is the type of airline that is not ADA compliant. (ADA stands for the American Disabilities Act.) Like, they see someone in a wheelchair and say to that consumer, “Figure it out, not our problem.”
The unlimited-ness of the GoWild! pass itself also has some caveats, specifically concerning booking. While you can fly on literally any date between Sept. 2 and Feb. 29 (barring some grayed-out areas around busy times like holidays), the GoWild! pass only works if you book within a certain window. That window is 24 hours for domestic flights and 10 days for international flights. You can also only book one way at a time, so you'll likely be booking your return trip during — not before — your trip.
The amount of people that will see the headline, buy the flight pass, and then realize after the fact that Frontier is going make their travel life as inconvenient as a hangnail will be staggering. Good luck to them.
🏆 SPORTZ 🏆
NBA Finals Update
After getting treated like a rag doll in Game 1, the Miami Heat knotted the series up at 1-1 after an impressive Game 2 victory, thanks to a red-hot shooting performance in the fourth quarter. The Heat converted their scoring opportunities in the final period about as well as Leonardo DiCaprio converts on the shots he shoots with women under 25, as the team shot 68.8% from the field. Grown-up Jimmy Neutron, otherwise known as Duncan Robinson, paced the team with 10 points in the fourth.
After Miami shot only two free throws in Game 1, it attempted 20 free throws in Game 2. So either commissioner Adam Silver made a call to the Game 2 referees, or the Heat were more aggressive. I’ll leave it up to you to decide the reality of the situation.
The Nuggets, at one point in Game 2, went on a 40-14 run (h/t Tom Haberstroh) and took the L. Yikes. Fumbled the bag worse than Miles Bridges.
Through the first two games, two-time MVP (should be three-time MVP if the voters weren’t as blind as bats) Nikola Jokic is averaging 34 points, 10.5 rebounds, and nine assists per game. That’s all fine and dandy, but the Heat limited him to only four assists in Game 2. Take away him as a passer, and you might have something cookin’ if you’re Miami. We’ll see how the Nuggets adjust going forward.
Speaking of which, someone who needs to adjust is Michael Porter, Jr. He has only produced an offensive rating of 85, the worst among the team’s rotation players, to go along with a Game Score (“a rough measure of a player’s productivity”) of 6.1 through the first two contests (~10 = Average; ~40 = outstanding).
Ja Morant is in big trouble
Ja Morant is in such deep shit, you might as well as call him a farmer. (A farmer with a gun on Instagram Live, of course.) In fact, he’s in such deep shit, commissioner Adam Silver is going to wait until after the NBA Finals to announce Morant’s suspension. Here is what Silver had to say to the media prior to Game 1.
We've uncovered a fair amount of additional information since I was last asked about the situation. We probably could have brought it to a head now, but we made the decision -- and I believe the Players Association agrees with us -- that it would be unfair to these players and these teams in the middle of this series to announce the results of that investigation.
I've thought about [whether the initial suspension was long enough]. And Joe Dumars, who is here, was in the room with me when we met with Ja, and he's known Ja longer than I have. For me at the time, an eight-game suspension seemed very serious, and the conversation we had, and Tamika Tremaglio from the Players Association was there, as well, felt heartfelt and serious.
But I think he understood that it wasn't about his words. It was going to be about his future conduct. I guess in hindsight, I don't know. If it had been a 12-game suspension instead of an eight-game suspension, would that have mattered? I know it seemed based on precedent, and he's represented, and we want to be fair in terms of the league, it seemed appropriate at the time. That's all I can say. Maybe by definition to the extent we've all seen the video that it appears he's done it again, I guess you could say maybe not."
I predict that the league will levy a 40-game suspension against Morant and would not be surprised if it was harsher than that.
Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. I reckon Silver does not want to be shamed, so Morant is going to get hit so hard, you would think Adrian Peterson is involved.
Some parting wisdom for the NBA players: you can clearly flash a gun on Instagram Live once without significant repercussions. If you do it again, you better start savin’.
FA Cup Results
Whoa, Tubz is dabbling in a little futbol, a sport known as soccer by the people that won the Revolutionary War? You betcha.
The FA Cup, the oldest soccer competition in the world, is a tournament consisting of 732 English soccer clubs. Manchester City beat its rival, Manchester United, 2-1 in the finals on Saturday, which featured a goal within the first 13 seconds of the game from City’s Ilkay Gündogan.
And that concludes the latest version of Tubz dabbling in a little futbol.
🤓 BATH TIME READING 🤓
Texas Girl Born in Jail Heading to Harvard After Graduating at the Top of Her Class
Some individuals grow up with a silver spoon in their mouths, which of course comes with certain advantages. Others, though few and far in between, are born in prison and raised by a single father. Turns out that also comes with an advantage when writing a college essay because the opening sentence can simply state — “I was born in prison” — and anyone that is not captivated by that is either the Grinch or Hellen Keller.
Congratulations to Aurora Sky Castner, who was in fact born in prison and is headed to Harvard, and good for her dad.
If you chuckled and/or enjoyed it, make sure to forward it to others and/or share it on social. Any corrections, omissions, suggestions, etc., send 'em my way. Much love. -Tubz
Damn, Helen Keller catching unnecessary strays this week! Also, probably the most in depth breakdown of the FA Cup I've read! 🤣