🍨 Tubz Unfiltered - Volume 88
America allegedly falling out of love with ice cream; British Open; Skiplagging
Happy Monday, y’all!
Do you remember when I wrote last week that the debut of Dumb-Dumb Hall of Fame would be next week? That was a joke. In a stark turn of events, Tubz Unfiltered will actually be off next week (the last time until after the NFL season), so the Dumb-Dumb Hall of Fame piece will go live on Monday, Aug. 7. Pinky promise, no fingers crossed.
🛁 EXTRA BUBBLES 🛁
CNN: How America fell out of love with ice cream
I don’t know whether this was propagated by some vegan nut jobs or what, but I will not accept the fact that America is falling out of love with ice cream. Who doesn’t love ice cream? “Oh, but the sugar!” Save that argument for a rainy day at your yoga retreat, Sharon, because no one wants to hear it!
Ice cream is an institution in this great country of ours. Always has been, always will be. In fact, it unifies America quite possibly more than any other food out there. What goes best with pie at Thanksgiving? Ice cream. What goes best with birthday cake? Ice cream. What can recovering addicts turn to when they want to stay away from drugs but still wish to get one helluva, relatively safe dopamine hit? Ice cream!
America literally has a fast food restaurant, Dairy Queen (the real ones refer to it as DQ), that people go to almost exclusively for its … ICE CREAM.
Take a lap, CNN.
🏆 SPORTZ 🏆
British Open
I know the technical name is the Open Championship, but America won the Revolutionary War so I will call it what I want. Anyway, it was a pretty boring British Open if I’m being completely frank with y’all.
Brian Harman, born in the U-S-of-A, shot 13 under par and won by six strokes in some less-than-ideal conditions Sunday. If I had to present one stat as to why Harman won, it would be this one: He made 59-of-60 putts inside ten feet.
Is there any juice to this dude? Anything that will get the people going? Based on my research, he did not pull a Happy Gilmore and stab someone with his stake while playing hockey, so we can’t include that on the bingo card.
However, you might find it interesting that prior to hoisting the Claret Jug and earning $3 million, he had $29 million in career earnings to his name, with only two career PGA Tour wins.
Perhaps most impressively, he joined some exclusive company with his six-stroke victory: Per JustinRayGolf, he became the sixth American to win the British Open by at least six shots, joining Tiger Woods, Johnny Miller, Arnold Palmer, Walter Hagen, and Bobby Jones. Those players are no slap-dick golfers.
Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead
Dan Snyder is not dead, but his reign as owner of the Washington Redskins Football Team Commanders is over.
He sold the franchise last week to a group led by Josh Harris, who co-founded the well-respected private equity firm Apollo Global Management and currently owns the New Jersey Devils and Philadelphia 76ers, for $6.05 billion.
AIDS spokesperson (I think) and NBA legend Magic Johnson is also part of the ownership group. The final sticker price is the most that a North American sports team has ever been sold for.
On his way out, because Snyder was a big ole scumbag during his tenure coupled with the fact that he is/was a low-life, grade-A loser that sits while he pees, the NFL fined him $60 million “after an independent investigation concluded he sexually harassed a team employee and that the team withheld revenue from the NFL.”
Snyder, who is a college dropout, bought the team in 1999 for $800 million. He previously founded a marketing company, Snyder Communications, that eventually morphed into a telemarketing company. Makes a lot of sense.
That company amassed an annual revenue of nearly $1 billion in 1998 and eventually was sold to Havas Advertising in 2000 for over $2 billion in stock, according to the Washington Post.
Under Snyder, Washington had a 164-220-2 record, for a .427 winning percentage; only five teams compiled a worse winning percentage in that span. Since 1999, Washington won the NFC East four times but fared poorly in the playoffs, going 2-6. The organization's eight playoff games were fewer than all but three teams in the past 24 years.
The Commanders last won a playoff game in 2005.
Messi Impresses in Debut with Inter Miami
Messi made his debut with Miami’s MLS squad, who is in last place in the Eastern Conference, over the weekend. It turned out to be electric factory, emulating the cocaine-induced, free-for-all Miami environment.
While he was not in the starting lineup, he scored a disgustingly impressive game-winning goal on a free kick.
🐐🐐🐐
🤓 BATH TIME READING 🤓
Business Insider: I almost got banned from American Airlines for 'skiplagging.' I was terrified when my boarding pass was flagged, and I'll never do it again.
Looks like Cassie f*cked around and found out.
Admittedly, I had never heard of “skiplagging” before this article, but apparently, it is pretty widespread. “Skiplagging” is the act of buying a plane ticket with a layover, and you intentionally do not get onto your connecting flight as you wish for your final destination to actually be the city where your layover is.
For example, I wanted to fly to Washington, DC, so I bought a plane ticket to Boston with a Washington layover. It was never my plan to head to Boston.
The move saves the customer money and allows them to live life on the edge, but the airlines hate it because it costs them money and can cause flight delays.
In a different case, a minor tried to pull a fast one on American Airlines by “skiplagging,” but AA blew that up as if they were Oppenheimer by interrogating him and taking him to a security room once they caught wind of the move. In addition, they banned him from flying on the airline for three years.
If you chuckled and/or enjoyed it, make sure to forward it to others and/or share it on social. Any corrections, omissions, suggestions, etc., send 'em my way. Much love. -Tubz