π¬ Tubz π Unfiltered - Volume 41 π¬
Juul goes bye-bye (maybe); NBA Draft, Stanley Cup, and College World Series
Happy Monday, yβall!
Some observations to mull over as you begin your week before the Fourth of July, where pushinβ paper is going to be more prevalent than drunk people stumblinβ around at the Indy 500 β¦
There have always been a lot of diet fads. While I was growing up, Slim Fast seemed to be all the rage. That has largely gone by the wayside. Nowadays, intermittent fasting and juice cleanses seem to be hot in the streets. Oh, and if you can swindle a psychiatrist, the adderall-Red Bull diet is helping people across the country get their bodies and minds right. Why do you think diet fads have been so popular in America throughout the years, and why do none of them work?
πΒ EXTRA BUBBLES π
Federal appeals court puts FDA ban on Juul e-cigarette sales on hold
What a whirlwind of a week for Juul and teens/college students across America. Earlier in the week, the FDA was like, βYo yo, how we doing fam!? The Juul sticks gotta go, like forever; theyβre super addictive and all around bad for anyone that uses. We reviewed the data for the last two years and our findings were bΓΉ hΗo.β (Editorβs Note: translates to not good from Chinese to English; no bueno would have worked, but I wanted to spice things up.)
The FDA said on Thursday Juul failed to show the sale of its products would be appropriate for public health, following a nearly two-year-long review of data provided by the company.
Juul, partly owned by tobacco giant Altria Group Inc, said it disagreed with the agencyβs findings.
No sh*t Juul disagreed with the findings. In other words, the Pope is Catholic, water is wet, and bears sh*t in the woods.
Luckily for Juul, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the District Of Columbia Circuit came in and crashed the FDAβs party temporarily.
The U.S. Court of Appeals for the District Of Columbia Circuit said the purpose of the stay was to allow the court sufficient time to consider Juulβs briefing for an emergency review and not a ruling on the merits of that motion.
The temporary freeze on the FDA order lasts at least until July 12, according to the courtβs scheduling order.
As always, Tubz Unfiltered will keep yβall updated.
If Juul does end up getting banned in the United States, the investment that the Altria Group, Inc. (the ultimate parent company of Phillip Morris USA, which makes Marlboro cigs) gave Juul β $12.8 billion in exchange for 35% of Juul in 2018 β will end up being so bΓΉ hΗo that those Altria executives are going to have to smoke two packs a day of Marlboro reds to unwind, which would go against the Cardinal rule β donβt get high on your own supply. Tough scene.
π SPORTZ π
GET OUT THE SNOW PLOWS: THE COLORADO AVALANCHE WIN THE STANLEY CUP: Heading into Game 6, I was starting to think that the Avalanche were going to choke the Stanley Cup away since they had not held a lead since Game 3. But they tightened down the hatches on Sunday night, scoring twice in the second period, to win the Stanley Cup, 2-1, for the third time in team history. The recent monkey is finally off Coloradoβs back as it never advanced past the second round any of the prior three seasons, despite having very formidable teams. Defenseman Cale Makar won the 2022 Conn Smythe Trophy, awarded to the MVP of the Stanley Cup playoffs.
Helluva year for the Stan the Man Kroenke, who owns the Rams and the Avalanche (as well as the Nuggets, but theyβre going down the shitter).1 Per Sportico, Stan is the first owner in sports history to win a Super Bowl and a championship in a different sport within the same calendar year. Heβs a slime ball and not a cool dude for what he did to the St. Louis fanbase, but there is no denying that he is a winner.
And now, the dog days of sports viewing are ahead of us. Buckle up.
OLE MISS WINS COLLEGE BASEBALL WORLD SERIES: After winning in convincing fashion in Game 1, Ole Miss looked like it was dead in the water in Game 2, but then some magic happened in the 8th inning as the Rebels scored twice on wild pitches to take home the programβs first title. One of the last four teams to make the tournament is going home as a national champion. Thatβs pretty neat.
UPSET AT THE NBA DRAFT: In the weeks leading up to the draft, everyone and their mother projected Jabari Smith Jr. from Auburn to go number one overall to the Orlando Magic. He did not go first, which is why you should believe everything that you read on the internet. Except for this newsletter, of course. Dukeβs Paolo Banchero, instead, went first, followed by Chet Holmgren (Thunder) and Jabari Smith Jr. (Rockets). Beyond the shakeup at no.1, there was another shakeup at no.4. Again, everyone and their mother projected Purdueβs Jaden Ivey to go to the Kings, but the Kings did a Kings thing and did not go with the path of least resistance, rather opting for Iowaβs Keegan Murray. The Pistons then selected Ivey with the subsequent selection. Based on the Kingsβ draft history, Keegan Murray will most likely be a bust.
The New York Knicks played some big-time roulette on Thursday night. They originally held the No.11 pick. They passed on that and traded it to Oklahoma City. The Thunder drafted Ousmane Dieng. In return, they received a 2023 first round pick from via the Pistons, with heavy protections (protected 1-18 until 2024, protected 1-13 in 2025, protected 1-11 in 2026, protected 1-9 in 2027); a 2023 first round pick via the Wizards, again with heavy protections (protected 1-14 in 2023, protected 1-12 in 2024, protected 1-10 in 2025, and protected 1-8 in 2026); and a 2023 first round pick via the Nuggets (1-14 protected until 2025).
The Knicks then received Memphisβ Jalen Duren, the 13th overall selection, from the Hornets in exchange for that first round pick via the Nuggets and four second round picks. The teamβs last move of the night entailed trading Duren and Kemba Walker (~$9.1 million salary and knees made of glass for the 2022-23 season) to the Pistons for a 2025 first round pick via the Bucks (protected 1-4).
In total, while Thursday night did not result in the Knicks adding any new players to the roster, the team did net three future first round picks β 2025 first round pick via the Bucks, 2023 first round pick via the Pistons, and 2023 first round pick via the Wizards, with the latter two having heavy protections β and salary cap space, which they hope to use to sign Jalen Brunson. There is a decent chance that Brunson opts to re-sign with the Mavericks, who can offer him more money, so this could all blow up in the Knicksβ face. In other words, just another day at the office for the Knickerbockers.
To round things out, Wisconsinβs own Johnny Davis went 10th overall to the Wizards,2 and the Bucks selected MarJon Beauchamp (NBA G League Ignite) with their first round pick. The 6-6 wing plays pretty solid defense from what I read and he has a dope name, both are pluses in my 20-20 vision eyes. However, while he averaged 15.1 points and 7.3 rebounds to go along with 1.2 steals per game in 12 βshowcaseβ games last year, he shot 24.2% from deep and 65% from the charity stripe. BΓΉ hΗo.
For those curious, the first two years of the contract for a first-round pick are fully guaranteed, with the team holding an option for the third year and the fourth year.
π€ BATH TIME READING π€
This has been long enough, so letβs take a shower instead and reconvene in two weeks. Next week will not be the normal template because I will be in northern Wisconsin and will have very little cell/internet reception.
If you chuckled, make sure to forward to others and/or share on social. Any corrections, omissions, suggestions, etc., send 'em my way. Much love. -Tubz
The Nuggets and Avalanche are technically in Stan Kroenkeβs wifeβs name (Ann Walton Kroenke, a Walmart heiress that wipes her ass with $100 bills) due to an NFL rule that an NFL owner cannot have majority control of a team in another professional league in an NFL market (Denver Broncos).
For those wondering how much Johnny Davis may make, the 10th overall pick in last yearβs draft signed a 4-year, ~$19.91 million deal ($4,373,040 in Year 1; $4,591,680 in Year 2; $4,810,200 in Year 3; and $6,133,005 in Year 4).