〽️ A Michigan Man's Op-Ed: ryan day hates the Troops
My former law school classmate, JenkiesScoobs, is back in the saddle!
As you may recall, my former law school classmate, JenkiesScoobs, previously wrote a guest column in connection with the gross miscarriage of justice against Michigan men’s basketball coach Juwan Howard after he attacked Wisconsin assistant men’s basketball coach Joe Krabbenhoft back in Feb. 2022. Today, he gives his thoughts on the Michigan sign-stealing scandal.
By now, everyone knows about the alleged Michigan Wolverine sign-stealing operation. It has been covered ad nausem including by this distinguished publication. I only remind readers of one of the core principles of the American Constitution: everyone is innocent until proven guilty.
This is unless you are ryan day. I like to refer to him as third-base…
This interview took place after Michigan piss-pounded ohio 42-27 in 2021. Michigan had 297 rushing and absolutely bullied ohio on the line scrimmage. Good ole Big Ten Football. Some people called it a fluke. In the words of Lee Corso, “not so fast my friend.” Michigan repeated in 2022, winning 45-23. This time with 252 yards on the ground (without RB1 Blake Corum) and 278 yards through the air.
So what does “third base” do? Get better? Nah. He hires his unemployed brother to investigate the Michigan Wolverine Football Team. According to the frivolous allegations, day’s brother apparently finds out that a staffer, Connor Stalions, has organized an elaborate scheme of spies that would make the KGB envious and narks on Michigan. Soft. Charmin Soft.
It’s not surprising though. After ohio got whacked by Georgia in the Peach Bowl in 2022, day subtly accused Georgia of cheating by filming their practices. This year, day went after 86-year-old Lou Holtz after Holtz aptly called ohio soft. Sense a pattern?
I digress. Let’s give Stalions the respect he deserves for a minute shall we? Like me, Stalions is a die-hard Michigan fan. Unlike me, Stalions wasn’t too stupid to get into Michigan. In fact, he was accepted. So why didn’t he go to Michigan? Because famous Michigan coach Bo Schembechler (and Bill Belichick – ever heard of him?) went to the Naval Academy. Stalions would serve in the U.S. Marine Corps. from 2013 to 2016. While serving his country, Stalions learned to “identify[] the opponent’s most likely course of action and most dangerous course action” as well as “identify[] and exploit[] critical vulnerabilities.” I can only imagine how Harbaugh reacted when he read Stalions’ resume.
Michigan has U.S. Marines; day has his unemployed brother. Safe to say, ohio and “third-base” stood no chance. That is until “third-base” squealed to the NCAA (fraudulent organization) and Michigan was forced to suspend the former U.S. Marine (with pay). Stalions – a man that has proudly served this country – is now unemployed because of day.
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NOT! (look back row, to left of the gentleman in the black coat’s shoulder, the guy wearing the grey hoodie and blue baseball hat).
The point still stands. day hates the troops. GO BLUE!
If you chuckled and/or enjoyed it, make sure to forward it to others and/or share it on social. Any corrections, omissions, suggestions, etc., send 'em my way. Much love. -Tubz