💰 Tubz Unfiltered - Volume 116
$50k scam; Caitlin Clark makes history; Alone time on the rise
Happy Tuesday, y’all!
It was a high of 81 degrees here in Dallas today. If enjoying b-e-a-utiful weather had the same effects as crack, I would have crappy teeth, be skinny as hell, and make poor life choices.
Programming note: No Volume next Tuesday. Don’t quote me on this, but I’m pretty sure I haven’t missed a week since August so I want to give myself a break to recharge.
🛁 EXTRA BUBBLES 🛁
The Day I Put $50,000 in a Shoe Box and Handed It to a Stranger
The scam of “wiring money to a Nigerian prince who reached out via email with extreme urgency” walked, so that this new scam could run — giving someone fifty grand in cash in a shoe box right before you take your kid trick-or-treating. Except there were only tricks for Charlotte Cowles.
Charlotte received a call from someone who claimed to work for Amazon as a customer service representative. The representative told her she was a victim of identity theft, which is no joke according to Dwight Schrute. She was then transferred to a Federal Trade Commission (FTC) representative, Calvin Mitchell. Because of course, she was.
“I’m glad we’re speaking,” said Calvin. “Your personal information is linked to a case that we’ve been working on for a while now, and it’s quite serious.”
He told me that 22 bank accounts, nine vehicles, and four properties were registered to my name. The bank accounts had wired more than $3 million overseas, mostly to Jamaica and Iraq.
…
He told me that there were warrants out for my arrest in Maryland and Texas and that I was being charged with cybercrimes, money laundering, and drug trafficking.
…
Calvin told me to listen carefully. “The first thing you must do is not tell anyone what is going on. Everyone around you is a suspect.”
Calvin said the reason this all went down was because Charlotte connected to public WiFi at some point in the past. Believable. She was then transferred to someone at the CIA. Again, because of course, she was.
There was a point in time in which Charlotte put her guard up a little bit and became skeptical, but it was short-lived. The CIA bro asked Charlotte how much cash she would need to support herself for the year as her bank accounts may be frozen as part of the investigation. Answer: $50,000.
I asked the teller for $50,000. The woman behind the thick glass window raised her eyebrows, disappeared into a back room, came back with a large metal box of $100 bills, and counted them out with a machine. Then she pushed the stacks of bills through the slot along with a sheet of paper warning me against scams. I thanked her and left.
And just like that, after a man in a white Mercedes SUV snatched the shoe box, the money was gone.
“I never thought I was the kind of person to fall for a scam.” That’s a tough reality to face. It’s sad, really. She has been described as “even-keeled” and “maddeningly rational,” and yet here she is, with $50k less in her bank account because she was not locked in. You gotta be locked when living in a dog-eat-dog world, folks. Do you know how to get locked in? Getting proper sleep and reading books.
I could easily dunk on Charlotte by acknowledging she is the “financial-advice columnist” for her publication, but still fell for this scam chalk full of warning signs. (You would think she would also have some financial literacy, and perhaps even some financial savviness, but I digress.)
I could easily dunk on Charlotte by acknowledging that you would have to tar and feather my ass before I hand over $50,000 in a shoe box to a stranger.
But I won’t do that because I forked over six figures to the federal government for law school, so who’s the real clown here?
🏆 SPORTZ 🏆
CAITLIN CLARK
Iowa women’s basketball guard Caitlin Clark made history last week when she became the sport’s all-time leading scorer. In the record-clinching game, she not only scored 49 points but she secured the women’s scoring record with a three from the logo. Baller, shot caller, twenty-eight blades on the Impala. And she has scored 3,569 points and counting with no extra COVID year.
For those who believe Clark is only a shooter, she sits sixth in career assists (1,018). There are approximately zero players who are in the top 25 in terms of both career assists and points. For reference, she had 13 assists in the game she broke the scoring record.
She is the biggest star in the college basketball game today. No doubt about it. To that extent, this might be the first time in college basketball history that there is a bigger star in the women’s game than the men’s game. That’s how big of a deal Clark is. Heck, I don’t think it’s that hot of a take to declare she is the biggest star in college athletics this academic year. Case in point, she recently became Fanatics’ top-selling NIL athlete, according to Front Office Sports, surpassing Colorado quarterback Shedeur Sanders in total gear sales.
With all of that in mind, former Duke basketball Jay Williams said on College GameDay last week, “I am unwilling, and maybe it’s the Kobe mentorship around me, to say that she is great yet. I think she is the most prolific scorer the game has ever seen. I hold great, or the levels of immortality or the pantheon to when you win championships.”
Go for a safe motorcycle ride, Jay, and come back with a better take, please.
NCAA COLLEGE FOOTBALL VIDEO GAME IS BACK
Hook this up to my veins and leave me the hell alone. NCAA College Football 14 was the last college football game that EA Sports made as a result of the O’Bannon decision, so July 2024 is about to be lit.
You can watch the trailer here.
I find it very likely that EA will nickel and dime users to upgrade various things, just like they do with My Ultimate Team in Madden. But as long as Dynasty Mode has cool features like NIL, a legitimate transfer portal, etc., and I’m not at a huge disadvantage if I decide not to pay any money out of pocket beyond the actual cost of the game, I’ll be a-OK with it.
If a third-string running back asks for $100k (or the game’s equivalent), I’ll make sure to advise him to stay off the glue and to take a hike.
🤓 BATH TIME READING 🤓
Why Americans Suddenly Stopped Hanging Out
Spitballin’ here, but maybe it’s because people suck? In all seriousness, while I believe having alone time is healthy — you should love, or grow to love, spending time by yourself and occasionally alone with your thoughts — we are, by nature, social creatures. We need human-to-human interaction to be our best selves.
From 2003 to 2022, American men reduced their average hours of face-to-face socializing by about 30 percent. For unmarried Americans, the decline was even bigger—more than 35 percent. For teenagers, it was more than 45 percent. Boys and girls ages 15 to 19 reduced their weekly social hangouts by more than three hours a week. In short, there is no statistical record of any other period in U.S. history when people have spent more time on their own.
As a result, anxiety and depression in the United States are on the rise.
So why are people hanging out less? (1) Being glued to their phones; (2) Busyness; (3) the erosion of America’s social infrastructure.
I know I joke that some people need to “touch some grass.” But sometimes, touching some grass, and ditching our phones, can do some good.1
If you chuckled and/or enjoyed it, make sure to forward it to others and/or share it on social. Any corrections, omissions, suggestions, etc., send 'em my way. Much love. -Tubz
People still suck, though, except for you all. I stand by that.