🛏️ Tubz Unfiltered - Volume 131
Living on a balcony; Sportz
Happy Tuesday, y’all!
I went to the Yankees-Red Sox game at Yankee Stadium Sunday night. Great to see Raffy Devers smack around New York’s bullpen. The 3-0 Boston victory dropped the sorry-ass Yankees to 6-16 in their last 22 games (as of Monday).
Another takeaway from Sunday night: if you are driving past street after street through a neighborhood and every fire hydrant emits water after dark, breeze past every stop sign and red light (safely). Water damage to vehicles is no joke, and tow trucks may not be readily available.
🛁 EXTRA BUBBLES 🛁
Balcony with single mattress listed for nearly $1K a month as housing prices soar
*In Australia. A little bit of a bait and switch by the New York Post. Not the first time the publication has done that and won’t be the last. At any rate, let’s pretend it’s in New York City and pose the following question: Would you (I) be OK with this living arrangement?
Now, at the ripe age of 32? Absolutely not. I currently live in an apartment that is roughly 800 sq. ft. and will be moving to a new residence this fall that is ~1,100 sq. ft. I like my space. I need my space. And I have finally graduated from the Hot-Pockets-in-the-microwave-but-don’t-call-me-Chef-Boyardee diet, meaning I need an actual kitchen.1
But back in my early to mid-20s? A single mattress on a balcony for $1k per month would be heaven. Of course, I would need access to a handful of electrical outlets and some storage where I could keep, for instance, knives to make peanut and butter sandwiches on repeat. So as long as I have that access, sign me up for a two-year lease.
POTENTIAL NEW CONTENT IDEAS
After consulting with part of the brain trust for Tubz Unfiltered, I am considering introducing two new sections. Note they will not be on a consistent basis.
The first is providing commentary on reality TV. Bravo, in particular, is like a drip of morphine for most of the ladies, as well as some fellas, so I am considering trying to bring my jokes to that space. Vote below plz.
The second is posting various recipes for your gameday experiences during football season. No chance in hell I’ll be cooking them, but I will be tasting them. Vote below plz.
🏆 SPORTZ 🏆
BASEBALL
We are currently in the dog days of summer in terms of sports content, so why not focus on America’s past time a/k/a the most regional-heavy sport among the four major North American professional sports, as we get ready for the All-Star break?
National League
The ultra small-market Milwaukee Brewers, a team many thought would be in rebuild mode in 2024 after trading their ace Corbin Burnes, losing pitcher Brandon Woodruff to a season-ending injury, seeing ace reliever Devin Williams sidelined due to a back injury for the entire first half of the season, and losing manager Judas Counsell to the Chicago Cubs, are in first place in the NL Central by 4.5 games (after Monday’s games), thanks to a resurgence from Christian Yelich and a breakout year from second baseman Brice Turang. The Cubs, meanwhile, are in last place and trail the Crew by 11 games.
The Philadelphia Phillies sit atop the NL East standings and own the best record in baseball at 58-32. They are third in the league in batting average (.258) and first in earned run average (3.26). Mind you, they were without superstar shortstop Trea Turner for a bit of time and recently reinstated sluggers Kyle Schwarber and Bryce Harper from the IL. It is their World Series title to lose at this point, which likely scares the sh*t out of Philly fans.
The Los Angeles Dodgers — surprise, surprise — lead the NL West over the San Diego Padres by 7.5 games. Los Angeles has won the division in 10 of the last 11 seasons, and Dave Roberts’ squad will likely make it 11 out of 12. Shohei Ohtani, who is definitely not a generate gambler, leads the NL in home runs with 28, to go along with a 1.036 OPS. He has not, and will not, pitch this season due to Tommy John surgery, so will a player who only bats (read: doesn’t play in the field) win the NL MVP? His primary position was designated hitter when he won his two prior MVPs, but he still was on the mound those seasons. The best MVP finish by a true DH in either league was second place, accomplished by David Ortiz in 2005.
The NL Wild Card race is not a sight to behold. Yes, the top three teams are above .500, led by the Atlanta Braves (50-39), but the Cardinals are second with a negative run differential (-33 🥶). The Arizona Diamondbacks, New York Mets, San Francisco Giants, and Pittsburgh Pirates (S/O rookie phenom Paul Skenes) are all below .500 but are well within striking distance of the third and final Wild Card spot.
American League
The Baltimore Orioles are numero uno in the AL and the AL East, as the young guns are performing up to expectations, led by AL MVP hopeful Gunnar Henderson (27 HRs, .988 OPS). Burnes, in a contract year, is doing his usual thang by making opposing hitters look silly; he is third in the entire MLB in ERA (2.32). Altogether, the team is sixth in batting average (.256) and fourth in ERA (3.57). They also mash baseballs, sitting in first in home runs with 146, 15 dingers ahead of the second-place team.
Led by first-year manager Stephen Vogt, the Cleveland Guardians of the Galaxy, after an abysmal 2023 season, are a half-game back of the Orioles for the best record in the AL and enjoy a five-game lead in the AL Central. First baseman Josh Naylor is a complete psychopath and was recently named an All-Star for the first time after hitting 21 bombs thus far. Third baseman Jose Ramirez leads the team with 23 homers, and left fielder Steven Kwan leads all MLB hitters in batting average (.358). I don’t see them relinquishing their division lead. All-times vibes team.
The Seattle Mariners hold a slight two-game lead in the AL West over the Houston Astros. Their pitching has been dynamite, owners of the third-best ERA in the MLB, but the squad has been as allergic to hitting the baseball as I am to cats (read: very allergic). They are dead last in batting average (.217), 26th in On Base Percentage, 28th in Slugging Percentage, and 28th in OPS (.660).
Unlike the NL Wild Card race, the AL Wild Card race should be a fun one to monitor down the stretch. The Yankees, Minnesota Twins, and the Red Sox hold the top three spots, while the Kansas City Royals and Astros are within 3.5 games of the final spot. The Red Sox were .500 for most of the first half of the season but are 16-7 over their last eight series and now a season-high nine games over .500. The Royals, who are seeking their first postseason appearance since winning it all in 2015, came out hot out of the gates but are 9-13 over their last 22 games. At least KC shortstop Bobby Witt has been appointment television. And the Astros are cheating losers. Always will be.
MICHAEL RUBIN’S WHITE PARTY
Michael Rubin, the founder of Fanatics, hosted his annual White Party at his home in the Hamptons, and it was a who’s who of partygoers. The presumed gift bags were likely mass-produced and extremely poor quality, just like this year’s MLB jerseys and practically everything else sold on that godforsaken, trash-ass Fanatics website.
If you chuckled and/or enjoyed it, make sure to forward it to others and/or share it on social. Any corrections, omissions, suggestions, etc., send 'em my way. Much love. -Tubz
If you know me, you know that statement is a bit of a stretch. But we carry on, nevertheless.