π» Tubz Unfiltered - Volume 134
RFK; Olympics Update; The Chicago White Sox STINK!
Happy Tuesday, yβall!
Iβm not going to pound the table and scream until Iβm blue in the face that Will Ferrell is an underrated actor, because I believe the universal opinion is β or at least should be β that he is a well-received comedic actor. One of the πs, actually. I will point out, though, that his run from 2003 until 2012 might be the greatest in cinematic history.
Old School (2003)
Elf (2003)
Anchorman (2004)
Kicking & Screaming (2005)
Talladega Nights (2006)
Blades of Glory (2007)
Semi-Pro (2008)
Step Brothers (2008)
The Other Guys (2010)
The Campaign (2012)
πΒ EXTRA BUBBLES π
RFK Jr. Not Acting Very Presidential
I shy away from politics for the most part, but I feel like it is my comedic duty to point out how unhinged and a neanderthal Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. is, the Independent presidential candidate.
I think it is very unlikely that RFK Jr. tickles his fancy by engaging in beastality, but the man nevertheless has a weird fascination with animals, or at least has odd stories involving them. I will highlight two.
β β β
He recently revealed in an interview that he βleft a dead baby bear in Central Park a decade ago.β He was on a road trip in New York, and a woman in front of him allegedly hit the cub with her car, resulting in the cubβs death. Same result as the Chicago Cubsβ 2024 season. Instead of driving past the dead animal like a normal human being, he put it in the back of his van because βI was going to skin the bear and it was very good condition and I was going to put the meat in my refrigerator.β
He was on his way back home and realized he needed to go to a restaurant for a planned dinner. During that trek, he realized he needed to go to the airport β trying to follow his story was like trying to solve a Rubikβs cube high on drugs, difficulty level: high, according to most β so instead of keeping it, he yeeted (my word, not his) the cub in Central Park, placing a bike next to the animal to make it seem like someone hit the cub with a bike. Very plausible and believable!
Another interaction that the wannabe member of the Beastie Boys had with an animal is the below picture. It shows him with a βskeletal animal carcass, which [Vanity Fair] suggested was in Korea,β according to the New York Post. βVanity Fair quoted a veterinarian who said it sure looked like a dog.β
Again, totally normal, presidential behavior. Maybe heβs trying to appeal to the hunters. Maybe heβs trying to appeal to the complete and utter nut jobs we have in this country. Iβm not sure, but what I do know is that Iβm going to go against the grain and state for the record I will not cast my vote for him at my local polling station in November. Maybe, just maybe, Iβll eat chicken, or even a hot dog, for dinner that night as an ode for a well-fought battle.
π SPORTZ π
OLYMPICS
Have I been watching a lot of the Olympics? Canβt say I have been, but I do know the greatest country on Planet Earth (up for debate, if you frequent social media daily) leads this yearβs Summer Olympics in total medals by a substantial amount, 86 to second place Chinaβs 59 (as of Tuesday night), and in gold medals, with 24.
The U.S. Womenβs Soccer team outlasted Japan, 1-0, in the quarterfinals, thanks to a beauty of a kick from Dennis Rodmanβs estranged daughter, Trinity Rodman. Her dad did some business in Asia with North Korea, so it came full circle that she did some damage to another Asian country. They also snuck by Germany, 1-0, to set up a Gold Medal matchup with Brazil, scheduled for Saturday at 10:00 am CST.
The U.S. Menβs Basketball squad continues to dismantle its opponents, as they proved that America has the better democratic system by whooping Brazilβs ass, 122-87. Kevin Durant chipped in 11 points, and in the process, became the all-time leading scorer in USA Basketball Olympic history. The victory sets up a semifinal matchup with Serbia, led by Nikola JokiΔ.
With Tuesday's 35-point win, Team USA has won each of its first four games by at least 15 points, marking the first time a U.S. men's team has done that since the 2008 Redeem Team, according to ESPN Stats & Information research.
Finally, there was a controversial finish to the Menβs 100-meter dash, but it ended with the correct decision because Iβm a 20/20-seeinβ American. Pictures showed that Jamaicaβs Kishane Thompson finished first as one of his shoes crossed the finish line before others. NBC announcer Leigh Diffey emphatically declared Thompson as the gold medal winner. Diffey is a dual Australia-United States citizen, so I think itβs time that the requisite governmental officials revoke that American citizenship because USAβs Noah Lyles actually won the race after review.
According to Olympic rules, a runner is considered to have finished a race when part of their body from the clavicle down crosses the finish line β something always considered to be the fairest measurement because of the different strides and leg lengths of runners.
So what separated Lyles and Thompson was the Americanβs torso lunge to the line, while Thompsonβs dip was just slightly concave.
WHITE SOX LOSING STREAK
The Chicago White Sox started the season hot, not on the field by any stretch of the imagination of course, but rather off the field as they introduced their very own βCampfire Milkshake.β Diabetes central, but it looked delicious. The publicity and good vibes were short-lived.
Chicagoβs South Side team, owners of a 27-88 record, have lost 21 games in a row, two losses shy of tying the record for most consecutive losses in MLB history (1961 Philadelphia Phillies), pending Tuesdayβs night outcome against the Oakland Athletics. The Athletics are -220 to win the game, according to one sportsbook (no free ads). Oakland is another team barely above Triple-A, with a record of 47-67. Thatβs how bad the White Sox are.
They have not won a single game in the second half of the season (0-17) and have struggled mightily against their division foes the entire season. Chicago is 8-34 against the other AL Central teams, which includes a 5-5 record versus the Cleveland Guardians. To make matters worse β¦
My favorite White Sox futility stat... If you eliminate the 14-game losing streak AND the 20-game losing streak, their record would be 27-53. That Win Pct (.338) would STILL be lowest in the majors. It's beyond belief.
The elephant in the room: can these sacks of π© finish the season with a respectable record? Possibly, but probably not! The worst winning percentage in the modern era of the MLB (1901βPresent) is .235, achieved by the Philadelphia Athletics in 1916 (36-117). Before tonightβs game, the White Soxβs winning percentage is .235. Of note, Chicagoβs remaining strength of schedule is smack dab in the middle of the league (15th).
To any of my readers who are White Sox fans (I know of one) β¦
PITBULL, MR. 305
While the stock market was singing, βItβs going down, Iβm yelling timber,β on Monday, Pitbull1 was busy shelling over money to Florida International University.
The musical artist bought the naming rights to FIUβs football stadium, which will now be known as Pitbull Stadium. This is not a drill or a joke. Pitbull will pay FIU, a university that must be in utter financial distress, $1.2 million per year for five years, according to ESPNβs Pete Thamel. βThe Miami-based university becomes the first to have a college athletics building named after a musician.β Uhh, ya think???
I wonder if the University of Iowa would consider naming their stadium after Kanye West. Once a proud name, but increasingly tough to watch nowadays.
In a 5-year, $6M deal, Pitbull is getting:
β’Β Naming rights to FIU Stadium
β’Β Voli 305 Vodka sold at games
β’Β Two suites for up to 40 people
β’ Use of the venue for 10 days/year
β’Β The title "Official Entrepreneur of FIU Athletics"
If you chuckled and/or enjoyed it, make sure to forward it to others and/or share it on social. Any corrections, omissions, suggestions, etc., send 'em my way. Much love. -Tubz
After I shaved my head for the first time, someone told me I looked like Pitbull. I took it as a compliment because I didnβt know how else to react.