💰 Tubz Unfiltered - Volume 138
TikTok Trend Gone Wrong; Week 1 CFB Thoughts
Happy Tuesday, y’all!
I sold my couch Monday night, leaving me — yep, you guessed it — couch-less and only with a bean bag in my living room. Made me feel like a poor college student again, without the classic beer wall or loads of dirty dishes in the sink. Good times!
🛁 EXTRA BUBBLES 🛁
TikTokkers are trying to exploit a Chase Bank ‘glitch’ — and discovering it comes at a huge cost
Play stupid games (check fraud), win stupid prizes (serious consequences, including but not limited to negative balances and holds on bank accounts). The internet can be a wonderful place; without it, Tubz Unfiltered would likely seize to exist. The internet can also reveal how silly (read: stupid, but I’m trying to be nice) some people are.
To make a long story short, young whippersnappers got got by TikTok and thought they could trick Chase, a Big Bank, by “exploiting a bug where a user could deposit a large check and have funds available for withdrawal immediately.”
🏆 SPORTZ 🏆
COLLEGE FOOTBALL WEEK 1
I watched very little college football over the weekend as I had a special guest in town for one of my last weekends in Dallas, so no recaps for Volume 138, but I still have some thoughts I want to fire off.
Wisconsin drove me insane Friday night
The talk amongst the fanbase was that this team was going to be more talented than the 2023 squad, but the record would not be indicative of that because of the difficult schedule. I know it’s one game, but this team left me uninspired and worried for how the rest of the season will shake out after Game Numero Uno.
The defensive line was horrid and couldn’t stop the run if their lives depended on it. No idea how they can improve. As my friends in Mexico (and elsewhere) like to say, no bueno.
The wide receivers not named Will Pauling did next to nothing, although I like the long-term prospects of Trech Kekahuna.
And QB Tyler Van Dyke averaged 5.3 yards per attempt and should have thrown at least two INTs against a team that is projected to finish in the middle of the MAC.1 Was his YPA so low because he can’t throw the ball down the field, or because of OC Phil Longo’s vanilla playcalling? Call me Captain Obvious, but your offensive ceiling is severely capped if you can’t throw the ball downfield.
On the plus side, Van Dyke does have some certified wheels so at least his presumed large NIL payment is not entirely wasted; the running backs performed well; and the secondary was as good as advertised.
Alabama comes to town on Sept. 14. The likelihood that the Tide will violate the Badgers in unspeakable ways is sky-high, especially if Wisconsin does not dismantle South Dakota, an FCS team, this weekend.
My parting question for you: Will the Badgers fail to make a bowl game for the first time since 2001, when they went 5-7 (3-5 in conference play)?
Is this a different Penn State team?
Penn State HC James Franklin is 3-17 against top-10 teams, 12-26 against ranked teams, and 4-16 against Michigan and Ohio State over the last ten seasons. He’s 52-16 against the rest of the Big Ten. It’s been the same formula for the Nittany Lions for quite some time now: lose the big games, beat everyone else. So, is this the year they finally get over the hump and beat Ohio State and/or clinch a spot in the College Football Playoff?
It helps that the CFP has expanded to 12 teams. It also helps that Penn State’s schedule is favorable, with only two difficult opponents from my vantage point — (1) at USC on Oct. 12, and (2) versus Ohio State on Nov. 2. No Michigan or Oregon.
Franklin brought in Andy Kotelnicki as offensive coordinator from Kansas, and the offense razzled and dazzled in Week 1 against West Virginia, putting up over 450 yards of total offense and 32 points. QB Drew Allar was 11/17 for 216 yards (12.7 yards per attempt) and three touchdowns. Stating the obvious here, but if the offense can maintain that level of play, or at least come close to it consistently, the Nittany Lions will undoubtedly clinch a CFP spot and likely find themselves in the Big Ten Championship Game for the first time since 2016, the last time the program won the conference.
Miami (FL) Poised to Win the ACC?
The Hurricanes’ Week 1 opponent, the Florida Gators, is hot garbage, but that should not take away from Miami’s convincing 41-17 victory in Ganesville. Washington State QB transfer Cam Ward played like one of the best QBs in the country, passing for 385 yards and three touchdowns (one interception) while adding 33 yards on the ground.
Miami has never won the ACC, but the times may be a changin’ because the conference race is wide open, thanks to Clemson HC Dabo Swinney’s stubbornness to utilize the transfer portal.
One of the major reasons why Miami has the roster they have, and is in the driver’s seat to represent the conference in the CFP, is because of its investment in NIL funding, the lifeblood of any successful college football program nowadays.
“You can't bring in talent unless you have a solid NIL program,” Zach Burr, the co-founder of The U’s collective, told CBS Sports.
Miami reportedly paid Ward at least $1 million, according to CBS Sports. Money well spent.
One final note on NIL I found interesting from that same CBS story.
The average top 25 highest earning quarterbacks are bringing home $819,020 in annual compensation.
-Opendorse founder Blake Lawrence, whose company evaluates NIL player valuation
Picking a New England college football team
The New England region does not give one flying iota about college football, which makes sense given the lack of major programs in the area. But I still need a college football team from my new home region to root for because I’m a degenerate.
The candidates:
UConn went to the Fiesta Bowl in 2010, but they have only made it to two bowl games since then (2005 and 2022) and got walloped in Week 1 by Maryland after going 3-9 in 2023.
My girlfriend’s alma mater, UMass-Amherst, has not won at least six games since the 2010 season. Not to mention, the Minutemen are 16-72 since becoming an FBS independent team in 2016.
Enter the Boston College Eagles. Led by first-year head coach Bill O’Brien, BC pulled off the upset Monday night over No. 10 Florida State on the road. It was no fluke. Wicked cool. Jumping on the bandwagon before it is out of room.
Coward Florida State Fan
An FSU fan (@ 321 Nole) promised on Twitter last week that if the Seminoles lost to Boston College, “I will eat dog sh*t out of a red solo cup with a spoon and post a video of me doing it.” Well, Florida State crapped the bed against BC, courtesy of atrocious quarterback play by DJ Uiagalelei, but Mr. Nole did not eat dog sh*t out of a red solo cup with a spoon nor did he post a video of him doing it. Instead, it appears he deleted his Twitter account. Weak sauce.
Twittersphere to Mr. Nole:
Look, at the end of the day, it is simple: if you can’t do the time (eat dog sh*t out of a red solo cup with a spoon), then don’t do the crime (promise you will eat dog sh*t out of a red solo cup with a spoon if FSU loses to BC).
TOM BRADY’S NEW ROLE OFF TO ROCKY START?
Tom Brady is set to take over as the color analyst on FOX’s “A” NFL announcing team, replacing Greg Olsen, who was excellent in the role. Reports are, though, that Brady, who chose football over his family during the final season of his playing career and will reportedly make $37.5 million per year as an announcer, will be handcuffed in his announcing role if/when he “is approved as a partial owner of the Las Vegas Raiders,” according to ESPN.
[H]e will be forced to abide by unique and severe restrictions in his dual role as a Fox broadcaster, according to a presentation given to team owners at Tuesday's NFL meetings in Minneapolis.
The league confirmed to ESPN that among the restrictions, Brady would not be permitted to be in another team's facility, would not be permitted to witness practice and would not be permitted to attend broadcast production meetings, either in person or virtually. The lack of access to coaches and players before games could be the most severe restriction; those meetings, at which a broadcast crew meets with the matchup's head coaches and key players, are often a lifeblood of insight for the telecast.
TRAGIC DEATHS
Columbus Blue Jackets superstar Johnny Gaudreau and his younger brother, Matthew, were tragically killed last Thursday by a drunk driver while riding bikes. The brothers were in New Jersey for their sister’s wedding, one in which they were going to serve as groomsmen. Johnny leaves behind a wife and two young children.
[Johnny] netted 243 regular-season goals and recorded 500 assists across 11 NHL seasons with the Calgary Flames and the Columbus Blue Jackets. He previously won a national championship and the Hobey Baker Award at Boston College.
Johnny played the game with great joy which was felt by everyone that saw him on the ice. … The impact he had on our organization and our sport was profound, but pales in comparison to the indelible impression he made on everyone who knew him.
Two lessons: (1) life is fragile, and (2) do not drink and drive under any circumstances.
If you chuckled and/or enjoyed it, make sure to forward it to others and/or share it on social. Any corrections, omissions, suggestions, etc., send 'em my way. Much love. -Tubz
For the sake of comparison, Jack Coan’s YPA was 8.0 in 2019. Graham Mertz’s YPA was 6.4, 6.9, and 7.5 in 2020, 2021, and 2022, respectively. Tanner Mordecai’s YPA was 6.6 in 2023 after posting an 8.0 YPA in each of the previous two seasons.