🎃Tubz Unfiltered - Volume 145
Love is Blind Recap; Sportz; Halloween candy
Happy Thursday, y’all!
I bought Halloween candy to hand out to the tykes in the neighborhood. And by that I mean, I bought the Halloween for myself to devour because the diet starts Monday and the kid in me will never die.
🛁 EXTRA BUBBLES 🛁
LOVE IS BLIND SEASON 7 RECAP
SPOILER ALERT
I’m putting on my reality TV/female drama typing gloves and thinking cap for this one. This might go horribly bad.
Six couples got engaged, but only two ultimately met at the altar and said, “I do.” Those same couples are still married.
Taylor and Garrett appear to be actually in love. They have genuine affection for each other. They come from good families. And they’re both science nerds. Good for them.
Ashley and Tyler also appear to be great for each other, but their relationship wasn’t without controversy. To make a long story short, Tyler was a sperm donor to a friend of his, resulting in three little kiddos. He revealed to Ashley on camera that he did not have a relationship with the kids, but come to find out, he very much had a relationship with them, based on social media posts. Many made a big ole leap and concluded that Tyler was a lying scumbag who is not worthy of love. The gossip crack addicts were wrong (shocker) as Ashley revealed during the Reunion episode that the couple discussed everything behind closed doors.
“Who has better insight on what's going on? Social media or me? For people to imply that ‘she was blindsided, she didn't know,’ is insulting to my intelligence. For the record, this is something he never wanted to share on camera. I just didn't feel like it would be an authentic experience ... if we didn't [discuss this.]"
The elephant in the room: Will Tyler donate his sperm to Ashley? Who the hell knows, and who the hell cares.
Let’s close this out by discussing two couples who called things off before the wedding: Ramses and Marissa + Nick and Hannah.
Ramses, who finally ditched the rat tails on the side of his head but was donning an outfit during the Reunion episode that would have Craig Sager shaking in his grave (RIP), broke off the engagement because Marissa was too much. I don’t think that assessment was wholly inaccurate. She had a lot of energy, too much energy frankly from time to time. But where he did mess up was not telling her that earlier in the process. It feels like he led her on for too long. Can’t do that. He also hates the U.S. military. Don’t like that one bit. You always gotta support the troops. But he may have dodged a bullet altogether because Marissa’s mom is, um, one of a kind, to put it one way. She said at one point during the season that she would cut Ramses’ nuts off if he hurt Marissa and also revealed during the Reunion episode that she “wanted to punch him in the throat” after he walked away from the relationship. Let’s count to ten and calm down, tiger.
Hannah and Nick didn’t make it, either. Hannah repeatedly belittled little Nicky and claimed he wasn’t as intelligent or financially literate as she was. Who quit her job to be on the show? Hannah did. Savvy! She was a female dog from time to time, which she admitted during the Reunion episode, but she did apologize for how she treated him. Personal progress is always a plus! Nick, however, wasn’t as innocent as he appeared on camera. He allegedly did not take favor to Hannah’s appearance (the words “grenade” and “ugly” were allegedly uttered) and told as much to the other cast members behind the scenes, as revealed by those cast members during the Reunion episode. Nick did not own up to it. Accountability is a must, my brother.
Hannah also looked through Nick’s notebook at some point and in there was a note, dated two weeks before he left for the pods, acknowledging he had three goals for the next 90 days: (1) Sell two homes, (2) Get in the best shape of his life, and (3) Become the most famous person ever on Love is Blind. The first two, great goals. The last one, it might have been better to put something along the lines of, “find love.” Nick claimed during the Reunion episode he put pen to the paper “way before I knew I was gonna be on the show.” As of publication, he (nicholasdorka) has 83.5k followers on Instagram. So the third goal was a swing and miss for Dorka the Dork (workshopping).
Hannah further peeled back the curtain and revealed that Nick told some fellow passengers on the plane back from Mexico, where the engaged couples got to know each other more, that they were filming a TV show and that he “offered to fly a woman he was DM'ing with to Los Angeles for the reunion.”
And this concludes writing about reality TV forever. Until my girlfriend convinces me to write about it again, in which case I will oblige.
🏆 SPORTZ 🏆
CFB WEEK 9 RECAP
OHIO STATE 21 Nebraska 17: With Nebraska coming off a big ole ass kicking at the foot of the Indiana Hoosiers, one would think the Buckeyes would do the same to the Cornhuskers at the Horseshoe. That was not the case. Ohio State struggled to run the ball, as it averaged only 2.1 yards per carry with a banged up offensive line, and trailed 17-14 with under 11 minutes remaining in the fourth quarter. The Buckeyes arguably have the most talented roster in the sport, but what is missing is a strong offensive line with depth. You can upgrade skill positions via the portal, but it’s far more difficult to upgrade the offensive line in the portal. Nonetheless, a massive game this weekend — not only for the #narratives but also for playoff implications — against Penn State in Happy Valley, where something has to give: Per CBS Sports’ Tom Fornelli, OSU HC Ryan Day is 2-6 against top-5 opponents, and HC James Franklin is 1-8 against top-5 opponents.
PENN STATE 28 Wisconsin 13: This game was there for the taking for UW, handed to them on a silver platter after star QB Drew Allar did not play in the second half due to a knee injury. And Luke Fickell & Co. handled it as well as Kevin from The Office handled the pot of chili. RB Tawee Walker looked like he was driving in Los Angeles during rush hour because he couldn’t find any open lanes; QB Braedyn Locke had ants in his pants and sand in his eyes (the pick-six completely flipped the game); and PSU backup QB Beau Pribula looked like the 2016 Big Ten Championship version of Trace McSorley, with the same jersey number and punchable face. The Badgers seem close to breaking through, but it also feels like they have a ways to go. The loss dropped Fickell to 0-5 against ranked opponents since the start of the 2023 season.
NFL WEEK 8 RECAP
PATRIOTS 25 Jets 22: The free fall for the J-E-T-S JETS! JETS! JETS! continues. This is one they should have won 10/10 times. Per Football Perspective: “The Jets scored 20+ points, committed 0 turnovers, and held their opponent to under 250 yards of offense. From 1940 until yesterday, teams were 756-0 when they hit those three metrics.” So how did they lose? Mainly, they couldn’t get off the field on third down on the final drive. QB Jacoby Brissett, who took over for Drake Maye in the second quarter after Maye left the game with a concussion, picked up 14 yards on a 3rd-and-9 scramble, connected with Kayshon Boutte for 34 yards on another third down, and connected with Boutte again on third and goal that set the stage for a one-yard rushing touchdown by Rhamondre Stevenson. The Aaron Rodgers Experiment has failed miserably thus far, and I don’t see it getting any better.
COMMANDERS 18 Bears 15: Just when you think Chicago might be turning the corner as a winning, respectable franchise, mere seconds away from a 5-2 record, a laugh-out-loud ending against Washington brought them back to earth in record speed and reminded us all that the Bears are still the Bears. Before we get to that ending, it is worth pointing out they handed the ball off to an offensive lineman on 3rd & goal from the 1 in the fourth quarter, only for said offensive lineman to cough it up. Did Roschon Johnson, the team’s primary goal line back, break his legs and/or hands? Don’t think so. Chicago did score a touchdown on the next possession, but the defense fell asleep at the wheel with a bottle of booze in hand on the final possession. For starters, they allowed a way-too-easy completion to WR Terry McLaurin for a 13-yard gain to the 48, which set up a Hail Mary attempt for Offensive Rookie of the Year frontrunner Jayden Daniels. Without those 13 extra yards, the Bears likely come away victorious. But they didn’t!
To that end, Chicago made two critical mistakes on the successful Hail Mary attempt that sent the Washington fans and sideline into a frenzy. (1) Not enough pass rush. Daniels had way too much time back there to run around, you would have thought he was Forest Gump. (2) CB Tyrique Stevenson acted like the biggest dumb dumb in a very long time. He was chirping fans AFTER THE BALL WAS SNAPPED WHILE WASHINGTON RECEIVERS WERE RUNNING DOWN THE FIELD. Not to mention, he was the defender responsible for covering Noah Brown, who ultimately caught the game-winning score. To add insult to injury, as if the wound wasn’t gruesome enough, Chicago has the toughest remaining Strength of Schedule.
MLB PLAYOFFS
I wrote in my MLB Playoffs Preview that the Yankees were going to lose at some point in devastating fashion. The reason why was ultimately incorrect, but the overall premise was spot on. After exploding for 11 runs in Game 4, sparked by classic New York fans who tried and failed to assault Mookie Betts by attempting to rip the ball from his hands in the first inning that I saw in real time — they’re lucky Mookie Betts didn’t pull a Ron Artest because they would have likely been sipping through a straw for a bit — the Yankees had a nightmare of a fifth inning in Game 5 after sprinting to a 5-0 lead.
Aaron Judge, who had a .222 batting average with seven Ks in this year’s Fall Classic, dropped a routine line drive. Anthony Volpe threw an errant pass to third. And Gerrit Cole evidently forgot the Spring Training basics by failing to cover first base on a routine groundball to Anthony Rizzo with two outs. All Cole did was point to the base. “Rizzo, my Italian brother, it’s right there. You got it.” Rizzo did not get it. The Dodgers proceeded to score five runs after that blunder, all with two outs. The Yankees retook the lead in the 6th, only to give it up in the top of the 8th after two sacrifice flies.
Many will say those bone-headed plays are why the Yankees lost Game 5 and the World Series. They would be correct from a pure baseball perspective. But something to think about: maybe the real reason why they lost was because the two aforementioned fans were banned from attending Game 5. Bad juju move. Yes, those fans acted like wild animals, some would say, while others would say they exuded unrelenting passion for their team and provided a much-needed spark. Could they have stopped the onslaught of runs in the top of the fifth? The baseball world will never know.
While the World Series as a whole was somewhat underwhelming, Game 1 (walk-off Grand Slam by Freddie Freeman) and Game 5 were all-timers.
In closing, congrats to the Dodgers. Their 2020 title was of the Mickey Mouse variety from my vantage point, but this title is legitimate because the sport rewards teams who spend oodles amount of money.
🤓 BATH TIME PONDERING 🤓
If you chuckled and/or enjoyed it, make sure to forward it to others and/or share it on social. Any corrections, omissions, suggestions, etc., send 'em my way. Much love. -Tubz