💒 Tubz Unfiltered - Volume 174
Scam Marriage; NBA Finals, Men's College World Series, NFL Arbitration Decision; Walmart Evolving
Happy Tuesday, y’all!
Today (Tuesday) is my first day without copious amounts of caffeine in a very long time. The desire to attack the day with enthusiasm unknown to mankind (S/O Jim Harbaugh) is low, barely existent.
Scheduling Note: Unrelatedly, there will be no Volume next week.
🛁 EXTRA BUBBLES 🛁
Texas Woman Accused of Marrying Ex Without His Knowledge in Bizarre Case
Bullet dodged.
A Texas couple was slated to get married and received a marriage license on June 2, but the soon-to-be groom called things off thereafter, before the actual wedding. They reportedly got in an argument, pushing the man to end the relationship. (It’s never just one thing.)
That did not stop Kristin Spearman, of Waco, TX, from going Coo-Coo for Cocoa Puffs after the breakup.
She went ahead and had a reverent officiate the couple’s wedding, but one small detail was missing: the groom was not there. Yes, you read that correctly. Spearman, according to Beverly Hills, TX, police, “talked a reverent into officiating the marriage ‘without the knowledge of the victim and his required presence.’”
She still wanted the full wedding experience, so Mrs., now Ms., DeluDelu proceeded to send a wedding care package to her make-believe husband that included items from Bath & Body Works, with a note that read: “Congrats, maybe call your wife.” Words to the wise.
The package also included “a photo of Spearman ‘holding what appears to be a marriage license showing them married and officiated by a local reverend,’ as well as a ‘copy of the marriage certificate filed with the county clerk’s office,’” according to the San Antonio Express-News.
She was charged with third-degree felony stalking.
Some might say she knew what kind of love she had with this man and was willing to fight for it, even going to great lengths to do so. Others might say …
Her next man will tell himself, “I can fix her.”
🏆 SPORTZ 🏆
NBA PLAYOFFS
The hate watch is over, but it didn’t need to go down this way. In the first Game 7 in the NBA Finals since 2016, after the Indiana Pacers dismantled the Oklahoma City Thunder in Game 6, Tyrese Haliburton was wetter than the Nile from deep until … he popped his Achilles with roughly five minutes remaining in the first quarter. I did mention that possibility in Volume 173 — “If Haliburton does play, a torn Achilles is waiting to happen” — but it was still gut-wrenching to watch. Haliburton knew what happened right away, too. It was the 8th torn Achilles of the season, including the third this postseason; the previous high was five, set during the 2014-15 season.
Despite Haliburton’s absence, the Pacers led by one at halftime and tried their best to right the ship in the second half as T.J. McConnell went on a personal 12-0 run in the third quarter. However, the Thunder’s defense was too much to overcome. OKC outscored Indiana by 14 points in the third quarter and forced seven turnovers (23 for the game) to blow the game wide open en route to a dominant season-long run. Cason Wallace and Lu Dort each finished with three steals in the 103-91 victory, while Chet Holmgren registered five blocks.
To put into perspective just how good the Thunder were at forcing turnovers and limiting their own, they finished with the highest turnover differential in NBA playoff history (+131), blowing past the second-place 2019 Toronto Raptors (+79).
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander tallied 29 points, 12 assists, and 5 rebounds in Game 7 and averaged 30.3 points, 5.6 assists, and 4.6 rebounds per game for the series, earning him Finals MVP honors. I wonder if then-Los Angeles Clippers head coach Doc Rivers would have wished he played SGA more in his rookie year and/or whether the Clippers’ front office wished they had made him untouchable in the Paul George trade. Shoulda, woulda, coulda.
At any rate, SGA’s Finals MVP put him in rarified air. He became the fourth player to win the scoring title, regular season MVP, and Finals MVP in the same season, joining Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Michael Jordan, and Shaq. He also became the second-youngest player to win the scoring title, regular-season MVP, and Finals MVP in a career, accomplishing the feat at the age of 26. (Kareem accomplished it by age 23.)
Looking ahead, the Thunder are at the center of the “dynasty” talk, and it is hard to dispute that on paper, given the below.
-Picks at #15, #24, and #44 this week
-Every player is under contract next year
-Up to four firsts next year (Sixers if 5-30, Jazz if 9-30, two most favorable of OKC, HOU, and LAC)
-Shai Gilgeous-Alexander will be only 27. Jalen Williams only 24. Chet Holmgren only 23.
Further, the Thunder own the Denver Nuggets’ first-round pick in 2027 (protected 1-5) and have the right to swap picks with the Clippers.
The new CBA makes it difficult for teams to sustain long-term, high-level success, so we’ll see how it all shakes out. Luckily, the Thunder have the best GM in the game, Sam Presti, to navigate the treacherous waters.
As to the Pacers, I know the team and their fans are gutted with how Game 7 went down. A silver lining: They can say, until they are blue in the face, that they would have won the game if Haliburton hadn’t left the game due to injury so early in the contest. “He scored 9 points in 7 minutes, he would have had 40+ points!” Hard to argue against that!
A footnote from Sunday: Every NBA sports media conversation before tip-off should have been centered on the game itself. Former commissioner David Stern (RIP) would have gone through hell and high water to ensure it. Different world nowadays, though, as the trade of Kevin Durant to the Houston Rockets from the Phoenix Suns broke Sunday morning.
The Suns received Jalen Green, Dillon Brooks, the No. 10 selection in Wednesday’s draft, and five second-round picks.
Solid deal for Houston, especially because Durant can still hoop at his old-ass age (26.6 PTS per game on 52.7% FG/43% 3PT/83.9% FT shooting in his age-36 season), but the looming question is whether Durant can stay healthy. Since tearing his Achilles in the 2019 NBA Finals, the future Hall of Famer has only logged one season with at least 75 games played (2023-24).
MEN’S COLLEGE WORLD SERIES
Referees and umpires rarely are the reason why a team wins or loses, but they can still unnecessarily inject themselves in the mix and throw off the vibe. That’s exactly what happened in Game 2 of the Men’s College World Series between LSU and Coastal Carolina.
Coastal Carolina head coach Kevin Schnall, in the first inning, was barking at the home plate umpire, Angel Campos, about balls and strikes. Campos issued a warning, but Schnall continued and came out of the dugout, telling Campos, “You missed three pitches.” He probably did miss three pitches. After all, Campos was let go as an MLB umpire “after the 2014 season amid performance issues” and also wrongly ejected a Clemson baseball player, Cam Canarella, in the 13th inning of a 2023 NCAA regional game between the Tigers and Tennessee “for words from Canarella to a Tennessee player on his way to the dugout.”
Schnall and first base coach Matt Schilling were ejected.
Schnall kept chirping at Campos, so one of the umpires tried to get in front of Schnall to de-escalate the situation, only for that umpire to trip over his own feet and look as athletic as the fat kid in elementary school trying to do the Presidential Challenge. (Hint: it does not end well.)
On one hand, Schnall has to keep his cool, but I also understand that emotions are riding at an all-time high. Thus, Campos has to level with him and, simply put, not eject him, short of Schnall pulling a Jackie Moon and telling Campos to “s his c” and that he’s going to murder his family. You just can’t eject a manager that early in the game, especially in a deciding World Series game, for getting fired up about balls and strikes.
Let’s get back to the play on the field. LSU scored four runs in the top of the fourth inning to break the 1-1 tie, thanks to two 2-RBI base knocks, and held off Coastal Carolina, 5-3, to win its second title in three years, the eighth CWS title in program history and fourth this century.
NFL ARBITRATION DECISION
This came across the Tubz Unfiltered News Desk early Tuesday morning, so I felt it was my duty to educate you all on an eye-popping arbitration decision.
The NFL Players Association filed a grievance against the NFL, alleging collusion “regarding guarantees in the contract of certain veteran players,” as reported by Pro Football Talk. (Pablo Torres first unearthed the 61-page ruling.)
Days after the Cleveland Browns awarded Massage Boy (read: Deshaun Watson) with a five-year, $230-million deal in 2022, which was fully guaranteed, the NFL Management Council gathered at the annual owners’ meeting, pitchforks and tiki torches in hand, and functionally said, “Ain’t no way in hell we should give veterans fully-guaranteed contracts any longer.”
The arbitrator, Christopher Droney, wrote in his decision (I’m paraphrasing), “Yes, those conversations did transpire, but how do we know NFL teams actually listened to and followed that advice?”
As Droney wrote at pages 55 and 56 of the January 14, 2025 ruling, “There is little question that the NFL Management Council, with the blessing of the Commissioner, encouraged the 32 NFL Clubs to reduce guarantees in veterans’ contracts at the March 2022 annual owners’ meeting.”
…
The league ultimately won because Droney found that the evidence introduced at the 2024 hearing did not prove, by a “clear preponderance” of the evidence, that the teams accepted and acted on the encouragement of the NFL Management Council.
…
Indeed, even though the NFL won, it was caught with its hand in the collusion cookie jar. The league was saved only by the fact that Droney believed no cookies were consumed.
Despite the pervasive crumbs.
🤓 BATH TIME READING 🤓
The New York Times: Walmart Tries to Shed a Stodgy Vibe to Battle Digital-Native Rivals
Archived here.
Walmart has always been price-conscious, as its stores are littered with everyday low prices. They cater to a certain demographic, to put it politely. The company is aiming to change that narrative.
For starters, they completely revamped its Bentonville, Arkansas, HQ, as it now features “a hotel, a food hall, an amphitheater, and massive fitness and child care centers. There are electric bikes to get around. Robots cut the grass and clean the windows. … The idyllic grounds, with more 750,000 native plants, would not be out of place among those of the biggest tech companies in the world.”
One of the chief reasons for the remodel is to attract top-end tech talent because I reckon the brightest, most ambitious tech employees are not salivating at the thought of moving to Arkansas when they could live in Silicon Valley or New York City, although Calling the Hogs does sound pretty neat.
They also rolled out a new ad campaign, “Who Knew?”
“Who knew Walmart could deliver in under an hour?” John Furner, the chief executive of Walmart U.S., called out to a crowd of thousands of associates, during a program that was part pep rally, part arena concert and part big tent revival.
“WE KNEW!” they responded, very amped up in the early morning.
“Who knew Walmart sells more than half a billion items?” he asked. “WE KNEW!” they shouted.
And finally, they are now targeting those with luxury taste, “selling items like $6,000 Louis Vuitton handbags” on Walmart.com. Four words to further boost the bottom line and expand the clientele: Buy Now Pay Later.
The best companies evolve and adapt with the times. Count Walmart as one of those companies. (I own my fair share of Walmart stock.)
If you chuckled and/or enjoyed it, make sure to forward it to others and/or share it on social. Any corrections, omissions, suggestions, etc., send 'em my way. Much love. -Tubz