🥳 Tubz 🛀 Unfiltered - Volume 50
Southwest Airlines' Torture Chamber; CFB + NFL Recap, Celtics HC Suspended; Subject of "Serial" Podcast Released
Happy Monday, y’all!
Tubz Unfiltered is 50 🥳 ! I hope y’all enjoy this newsletter as much as I enjoy writing it. I have no idea what the future will hold, but I hope to write another 50 volumes and then some.
🛁 EXTRA BUBBLES 🛁
Imagine boarding a way-too-long flight (5 hours and 50 minutes, to be exact), and you see everyone with ukuleles. I would immediately ask whether Southwest is offering a big ole voucher for a different flight. If that fails, I would put my noise cancelling headphones in/around my ears so fast that I might pull a muscle. If I somehow forgot them or they are dead, I would proceed to the exit row and take a nice stroll out of the door. I land where I land.
So what is next, Southwest? Are you going to provide everyone with a recorder on the way to hell (read: LaGuardia) and re-teach passengers how to play Hot Cross Buns? Crime against humanity like you read about.
🏆 SPORTZ 🏆
COLLEGE FOOTBALL RECAP
Kansas State 41 Oklahoma 34: Oklahoma, very well, might be the worst state in the country for reasons explained here, so I am quite delighted that the then-No.6 Sooners shit the bed against unranked Kansas State.
Former Nebraska QB Adrian Martinez threw for 234 yards and one score and also added 148 yards (!) on the ground with four (!!) touchdowns for the Wildcats, including a 15-yard touchdown scamper on third down with 8 minutes left along with a 55-yard rush on third-and-16 with 2:30 left that set up an eventual score to seal the victory.
Clemson 51 Wake Forest 45: Both secondaries got burnt like a sh*tty chimney by the respective quarterbacks. Fast forward to the fourth quarter: Wake settled for a field goal with the game tied at 35-35 on fourth-and-four from Clemson’s 11 yard line. Scared money don’t make money, especially in this economy. Clemson answered with a 52-yard FG to tie it and eventually won in double overtime.
After having a horrible season in 2021 and struggling somewhat early on this season, Clemson QB DJ Uiagalelei balled out in this one, throwing for 371 yards and five touchdowns with no interceptions.
Texas Tech 37 Texas 34: I absolutely love when a head coach is aggressive on fourth down. As wrote above, scared money don’t make money. Well, first year head coach Joey McGuire made some money in this one. The Red Raiders were 6-of-8 on fourth down, and their sixth conversion eventually led to a 45-yard field goal with 21 seconds left.
Texas answered with a 47-yard field goal as time expired, right down the dick. In the first possession of overtime, Texas running back Bijan Robinson coughed it up. Tech got the ball back and won it on a chip shot field goal, prompting the hillbillies students to rush the field.
Ohio State A LOT (52) Wisconsin DOUBLE DIGITS (21): This game was over at halftime, so I started reading, The Psychology of Money, by Morgan Housel. Great book. Highly recommend it.
NFL RECAP
Packers 14 Bucs 12: I knew this bad boy was going to be a slugfest, as I wrote here, but I did not expect it to give me a heart attack. Luckily, All-Pro linebacker De’Vondre Campbell made a helluva play on the two-point conversion with 14 seconds left to seal the dub. LOL that Tom Brady took a delay of game on the two-point try. Beyond that play by Campbell, the defense came to play and then some, forcing two turnovers and holding Tampa Bay to 2-of-11 on third down. Also, THE SPECIAL TEAMS WAS ACTUALLY COMPETENT. ONE MIGHT SAY MORE THAN COMPETENT.
Looking ahead … the Packers’ schedule lines up nicely for a potential 6-1 start: vs. New England (potentially without QB Mac Jones); vs. NYG in London; vs. the Jets; and at Washington.
Colts 20 Chiefs 17: It appeared that Father Time caught up with Matt Ryan through the first two games and most of this one, but then he completed 8-of-10 passes on the game-winning drive, including a nice ball to rookie tight end Jelani Woods (2 catches, 2 touchdowns) for six.
That pitch-and-catch was made possible by an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty assessed against Chiefs DT Chris Jones earlier in the drive after the Chiefs forced a fourth down, yielding a first down for Indy.
Was the penalty warranted? Probably not, but maybe Jones called Ryan a Ritz cracker and the ref did not think that was appropriate for the kids tuning in. Maybe viewer discretion was not advised. I do not know, just spit ballin’.
Dolphins 21 Bills 19: The Dolphins were up 21-17 before veteran punter Thomas Morstead punted it off of his personal protector’s butthole, which turned into a safety for the Bills. The Butt Punt.
He then redeemed himself by smoking the free kick 74 yards. Josh Allen (42/63, 400 yards, 2 TDs) connected with WR Isaiah McKenzie on a crossing route to get the Bills into field goal range, but they were unable to get one final snap off. This prompted offensive coordinator Ken Dorsey to get as mad as Ron Burgundy’s producer when someone accidentally inserted a question mark on the teleprompter after a declarative statement for Burgundy to read.
Eagles 24 Football Team* 8: The Eagles are legit. Very legit. Meanwhile, Washington QB Carson Wentz, after the starting the season pretty hot, returned to earth and performed as well as Frank Gore performed on the Wonderlic (hint: quite bad). The former Philly gunslinger was also sacked nine times. At one point in the game, the Eagles had 323 passing yards and the Football Team had -1 passing yards.
*I know Washington is not referred to as the Football Team anymore, but the new name stinks out loud so I will not use it.
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Celtics head coach Ime Udoka has been suspended for the entire 2022-23 season due to violations of team policies. Woj originally reported that having an improper consensual relationship with a female team staffer was the cause of the suspension, but the team confirmed in a statement thereafter that there were violations — emphasis on the plurality of that word.
Team officials learned during the summer “that there was a situation,” [the Celtics’ majority owner Wyc] Grousbeck said, which led them to retain a law firm to investigate Udoka’s conduct. The law firm relayed its findings to the team on Wednesday, Grousbeck said.
The female allegedly involved handled team-related travel, including Udoka’s travel and occasionally Udoka’s fiancee’s (Nia Long, if that rings a bell) travel. Yikes.
Altogether, there has to be more in the story, which is what former NBA hooper Matt Barnes hinted at in the below video.
I would be shocked if Udoka coaches the Celtics again because suspending him is the first step toward terminating his employment contract.
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Goodbye to the 🐐: Roger Federer played in his last professional match at the Laver Cup (think Ryder Cup, but for tennis) on Friday, teaming up with his pal Rafael Nadal in doubles. The duo lost, but that is not the story. The story is all about the illustrious career of Federer.
He was ranked No.1 in the world for a record 237 consecutive weeks. He won eight Wimbledon single titles, another record. He was the first tennis player to join the $1 billion club. He sits in second place with 103 men’s singles titles. He is third all-time among men in major titles. He is my 🐐, and I will miss watching him move so elegantly on the court.
🤓 BATH TIME READING 🤓
‘Serial’ case: Adnan Syed to be released, conviction tossed
Free at last, free at last, free at last! This dude sat in the clink for the last 22 years after being convicted for the murder of Hae Min Lee, his ex-girlfriend. He was serving a life sentence.
The “Serial” podcast cast serious light on the merits of the conviction and the state’s attorney last week was essentially like, “the prosecutors that handled the case were very bad at their jobs.”
In their motion last week, prosecutors questioned the integrity of his conviction and said new evidence suggested there are two suspects who may have been involved in the murder, including one who had told someone he would make Ms. Lee disappear. The suspects weren’t properly ruled out during the first investigation, prosecutors said.
Their motion also questioned cellphone records and data used as evidence in Mr. Syed’s original trial, as well as the reliability of a key witness.
The state has 30 days to decide whether they will re-try the case.
If you chuckled and/or enjoyed, make sure to forward to others and/or share on social. Any corrections, omissions, suggestions, etc., send 'em my way. Much love. -Tubz