🔥 Tubz 🛀 Unfiltered - Volume 51
Former Apple VP "fondles big-breasted women;" UW Football + NFL Recap.
Happy Monday, y’all!
Let’s break bread.
🛁 EXTRA BUBBLES 🛁
9To5Mac: Apple’s VP of procurement loses job (and dental plan) over crass remarks in viral TikTok
If someone asked what you do for a living, you would simply say what you actually do. “I’m a nurse.” “I’m a sales rep.” “I’m a doctor.” “I’m an engineer.” “I’m a lawyer.” Etc. Etc. That is not what (former) Apple’s Vice President of procurement Tony Blevins, who joined the company in 2000 and reported directly to CEO Tim Cook, did when asked by famous TikToker Daniel Mac at a car show in August. (The post was shared on social media in early September, per the NY Post.)
“I have race cars, play golf and fondle big-breasted women, but I take weekends and major holidays off.”
One would think that a man is a sophisticated pimp, or a big ole rich creep. Nope, he is now an unemployed individual, leaving plenty of time to play golf and fondle big-breasted women.
As it turns out, Blevins’ remarks were similar to a line from a 1981 movie, “Arthur.” The main character said: “I race cars, play tennis and fondle women, but I have weekends off and I am my own boss.”
First, I have never heard of the movie. Strike 1.
Second, he botched the quote and replaced “women” with “big-breasted women,” so he might actually be a creep. Strike 2.
Third, Blevin is wearing an England flag shirt in the video. Strike 3.
No wonder why he lost his job.
New font and new colorways because I felt like spicing things up. Let’s see what you think. Beyond voting below, additional feedback is welcome as always.
🏆 SPORTZ 🏆
COLLEGE FOOTBALL RECAP
ILLINOIS 34 Wisconsin 10: Bret Bielema whipped Paul Chryst’s ass so bad that Chryst is no longer employed by the University of Wisconsin. A shocking development all around. Let’s start with the game first.
What an embarrassment. In reading up on Illinois prior to the game, I thought the Illini were better than what the public thought of them, generally speaking. Before Saturday’s beatdown, the defense ranked first in the country in pass efficiency defense, second in red-zone defense, fourth in scoring defense, and fifth in total defense. And it showed.
The defensive line dominated UW’s offensive line, both in the run game and the pass game. They held the Badgers to -2 rush yards (including yards lost due to sacks) and made Mertz piss his pants on several occasions. Plus, RB Chase Brown led the country in rushing yards coming into the game and still does after rushing for 129 yards.
I wrote after the Washington State game that Chryst’s seat was hot, but I doubted offline, even after Saturday’s loss, that he would be fired after the season. AD Chris McIntosh has shown a lot of patience (maybe too much patience) with men’s hockey head coach Tony Granato, who has had a subpar tenure, so I thought he would have that same patience with Chryst.
He did not and sent Chryst packing on Sunday. Chryst’s contract calls for a $19 million buyout, per Milwaukee Journal Sentinel’s Jeff Potrykus. McIntosh said on Sunday that he negotiated an amount significantly less than that with Chryst. S/O Paul for doing that, a class act through and through.
I am going to guess the final figure is between $10 and $12 million, which is quite a bit of money for UW standards. In fact, it has paid less than $2 million in football-related severance payments since 2004. (That is almost exclusively because it has never had to fire a sitting head coach, but still ... )
In the grand scheme of things, the buyout is chump change because the athletic department is on the verge of earning a yacht full of money due to the Big Ten’s $7-billion media rights deal with FOX, CBS, and NBC that is slated to begin next summer.
Altogether, McIntosh put his cajones on the table and made it clear that he is not here to mess around, though the move is not without substantial risk.
Is the timing a surprise? Not necessarily. It gives McIntosh time to evaluate defensive coordinator Jim Leonhard and see how the former UW All-American and 10-year NFL vet fares over the next seven games, of which none are against ranked teams as of this writing. So by firing Chryst when he did, I believe McIntosh wants to give Leonhard every opportunity to get the job. But if Leonhard goes, say, 2-5, then things will get interesting.
Chryst was 6-1 in bowl games and 67-26 overall in 7.5 seasons, including 43-18 in conference play, to go along with three B1G West titles (0-3 in championship games). He won at least 10 games in four of his first five seasons at the helm and finished no worst than 11th in the final AP poll three times (2016, 2017, and 2019). He finishes third all-time in wins in program history — one W behind Bielema 😬.
None of that matters though. The program was on the brink of going backwards and becoming irrelevant on the national stage, if they were not there already.
NFL RECAP
I bought RedZone on Sunday. Better than crack. Also more dangerous than crack because it is highly unlikely that I will leave my apartment on Sundays until after the regular season concludes. Thankfully we do not have Bill Clinton in office to institute a mandatory minimum for possession of RedZone.
JETS 24 Steelers 20: J-E-T-S! JETS! JETS! JETS! QB Zach Wilson made his season debut and played worse than the current economy, completing only 12 of 30 passes for 190 yards and one score (+ 2 INTs) before going 6-of-6 for 62 yards on the game-winning touchdown drive. Breece Hall punched it in from the 2-yard line with under 30 seconds left to give New York its second win of the season.
Not only are the Steelers 1-3, but they have a potential quandary at quarterback. Rookie Kenny Pickett replaced Mitch Trubisky (7/13, 84 yards, 1 INT, 41.8 passer rating) in the first series after halftime, and Pickett’s first NFL pass was an interception (65.1 passer rating for the game).
On the plus side, he completed all 13 of his passes — if you do not count the three interceptions — and scored two touchdowns on the ground, the team’s only scores. (FYI, the second INT was partly on the wide receiver and the third INT was a hail mary at the end of the game.) Apropos of nothing, which is a lie because he is on my fantasy team, Najee Harris is a pile of garbage.
EAGLES 29 Jaguars 21: Duuuuuval sprinted out to a 14-0 lead in the first quarter, thanks to a Trevor Lawrence passing touchdown and a pick-six, but then looked like they were coached by Urban Meyer the rest of the way because the Eagles scored 29 unanswered points en route to the dub. Lawrence fumbled the ball four times and is the first player this century to lose four fumbles. Not the kind of history you want to make.
Eagles RB Miles Sanders, very much an afterthought heading into the season, turned in a solid performance — 29 touches, 156 yards, and 2 TDs — and made you forget that he went to the same university that Jerry Sandusky coached at. Philly is the only remaining undefeated team in the league.
PACKERS 27 Patriots 24 (OT): There was a viral video that circulated on the internet last week (RIP Tubz’s Viral Video of the Week) and the main takeaway was that the more you f*ck around, the more you find out. This did not come to fruition for the Packers, but they came awfully close.
New England started a back-up quarterback and then had to turn to its third-string gunslinger after Brian Hoyer exited the game in the first quarter with a concussion. The Packers should have smoked ‘em like Texas BBQ.
Luckily, the Pats played with clenched butt cheeks on their first drive of overtime, which started at midfield, and refused to turn rookie Bailey Zappe loose. A win is a win, and the Packers are 3-1.
If you chuckled and/or enjoyed, make sure to forward to others and/or share on social. Any corrections, omissions, suggestions, etc., send 'em my way. Much love. -Tubz