👩🎤 Tubz 🛀 Unfiltered - Volume 70
Colorful hair patterns; Alabama basketball back in the news; Aaron Rodgers emerges from darkness; Cold shower benefits.
Happy Monday, y’all!
ALWAYS FOUL IN BASKETBALL WHEN YOU’RE UP BY THREE LATE IN THE GAME.
🛁 EXTRA BUBBLES 🛁
‘Hair painting’ is fashion’s latest wild, Y2K-inspired trend
Sadly, I do not think these people got enough love as children.
Vibrant hair art is the new, viral solution to achieving out-of-the-box style without necessarily committing to a permanent rainbow hue.
Colorful hair patterns — such as flowers, hearts and even tiger stripes — are the latest trend to overtake both the catwalk and TikTok. On the app, the topic search “hair painting” has garnered nearly 300 million views, where users show off their hand-painted hair dye finesse.
I am all for self-expression, but this is a step too far. Plus, I would imagine that the removal of said colorful hair patterns would be a big ole you-know-what.
You might be asking yourself right now: Mr. Tubz, are you against/jealous of this phenomenon because you can’t etch patterns and whatnot into your hair since you shave your head every ten days or so due to male pattern baldness?
Answer: I am not.
🏆 SPORTZ 🏆
ALABAMA BASKETBALL: TEAM FULL OF DUMB-DUMBS
In Volume 64, I wrote about the incident involving ~former~ University of Alabama hooper Darius Miles, who was charged with capital murder. And boy oh boy, do I have an update for you, which involves Alabama basketball star Brandon Miller.
On the night of the murder, according to police testimony and a published statement by Miller’s attorney, Miles “texted [Miller] and asked him to bring him his firearm.” Once Miller arrived, Miles and Michael “Buzz” Davis retrieved the firearm from Miller’s vehicle. Court records identified Davis as the man that pulled the trigger on an innocent 23-year-old female, Jamea Jonae Harris.
Miller, a potential lottery pick, “never touched the gun, was not involved in its exchange to Mr. Davis in any way, and never knew that illegal activity involving the gun would occur,” according to Miller’s attorney. Okie dokie. Why would someone want a gun after midnight? For show-and-tell?
Alabama head coach Nate Oats had the quote of the year (in the worst possible way) last week in relation to Miller’s alleged involvement in the incident.
“We knew about that. Can’t control everything everybody does outside of practice. Nobody knew that was going to happen. College kids are out, Brandon hasn’t been in any type of trouble nor is he in any type of trouble in this case. Wrong spot at the wrong time.”
Source: AL.com
Wrong spot at the wrong time should be used to describe a run-in with the po-po when they catch you peeing in the bushes or when they catch you stumblin’ and bumblin’ down the street after one too many drinks.
Wrong spot at the wrong time should not be used to describe your star player transporting a gun to another player on the team, even if your star player did not know “that illegal activity involving the gun would occur,” resulting in the shooting and killing of an innocent victim.
Asked by AL.com why Miller was not charged, Tuscaloosa chief deputy D.A. Paula Whitley said, “That’s not a question I can answer. There’s nothing we could charge him with,’' according to the law, she said.
Oats provided a follow-up statement after he pooped the bed, but the damage was already done. Things got a bit worse, though, if you can imagine that. Below are Miller and his teammate during pre-game introductions.
It is inconceivable how dumb of a move that was. Oats said the following after Saturday’s game against Arkansas.
I think that’s something that has been going on all year. I don’t really know. I don’t watch our introductions and am not involved with them. I’m drawing up plays during that time. Regardless, it is not appropriate, it has been addressed, and I can assure you it will definitely not happen again.
So Oats thinks that the choreographed move has been going on all year, but he also said he doesn’t watch the introductions. Those statements are contradictory. Pick a lane, buddy.
I checked the tape (read: one tape) and per this YouTube video, Miller’s teammate did pat him down during the team’s pregame introduction in their game against Ole Miss on January 3.
Maybe Miller should have started a new move before the Arkansas game after everything that went down this week? Just a thought.
Regardless, I would imagine Miller will be greeting his teammate with a handshake or a hug or something a bit less controversial starting with the team’s next pregame introduction. If not, Miller should be taken off NBA draft boards on account of massive stupidity.
As I stated in Volume 64, my thoughts and prayers continue to be with the victim’s loved ones.
AARON RODGERS EMERGES FROM MANHATTAN APARTMENT/HOBBIT LAND
OK, so the four-time MVP did not actually stay at a New York apartment for his darkness retreat, instead opting to go cray-cray at Sky Cave Retreats in southern Oregon. But per ESPN, the room was 300 square feet, “a partially underground structure devoid of light, with a queen bed, a bathroom and a meditation-like mat. It is fully powered, and the lights can be turned on from inside the room.” So yeah, sounds like he stayed in a New York apartment mixed with a Lord of the Rings dwelling.
Pictures from the website confirm that.
Some weirdos left actual reviews after staying at the Sky Cave Retreats and they are quite the doozy.
“Nothing like that in the whole universe.” -Eli. Says someone that has never hit a four-team parlay.
“The safest container I’ve ever experienced.” -Sarah. Not sure how a container could be dangerous unless you literally could not fit in it, but thanks for your feedback, Sarah.
“The one place you really can’t hide from yourself.” -Kevin. Definitely something that a person named Kevin would say.
“I don’t think I ever loved myself that way.” -Aymee. That’s cool, but spell your name the correct way, please.
“The sound of nothing actually has a sound.” -Zach. Yeah, it’s called hearing voices inside your head.
“After spending time alone with my thoughts and telling the masses about it beforehand because I love being the center of attention, I want to be traded away from the Green Bay Packers.” -Aaron. Fine by me.
🤓 BATH TIME READING 🤓
COLD SHOWER BENEFITS
Unlike the junk science that Aaron Rodgers does and touts, there appear to be actual health benefits to taking a cold shower.
The key, at least when you first start taking cold showers, is to begin your shower with hot water, wash your body and hair, and then once you stop being a scaredy cat, turn that baby to cold and let it wash away all of your problems in about 30 seconds to one minute of time. Once your body grows accustomed to cold temperatures, increase the time spent in cold water.
If you chuckled and/or enjoyed it, make sure to forward it to others and/or share it on social. Any corrections, omissions, suggestions, etc., send 'em my way. Much love. -Tubz