👀 Tubz 🛀 Unfiltered - Volume 71
Michael B. Jordan's energy; Ja Morant + Dan Snyder = Dumb-Dumbs; Shoplifting
Happy Monday, y’all!
The Badgers’ NCAA Tournament hopes are still alive. Hanging on by a thread, but are alive nevertheless. ESPN’s bracketologist Joe Lunardi has UW has one of the last four teams in.
A win against Ohio State in the first round of the B1G Tourney is a must-win, and a win against Iowa is round two might be a must-win, too, but we shall see.
One of my college buddies put it perfectly this past weekend: Expect that the Badgers won’t make the NCAA Tournament. If they do make it, their bid is a nice surprise; and if they don’t make the tournament, it was expected.
🛁 EXTRA BUBBLES 🛁
Michael B. Jordan Spots Former Classmate Who Used to Tease Him on the Red Carpet
High school bullies usually turn out to be massive douchers as they grow up. Exhibit A shown below.
Hey, chica. Iris Apfel called from a landline. She wants her glasses back.
Anyway, the reporter said the following during a recent podcast episode.
We went to Chad Science [Academy] together in Newark, and to be honest with you, we teased him all the damn time because his name was Michael Jordan. Let's start there, and he was no Michael Jordan.
And he also would come to school with a headshot. We lived in Newark. That's the 'hood. We would make fun of him like, 'What you gonna do with your stupid headshot!?' And now look at him!
She told Jordan during their red carpet encounter that she was “misquoted.” Sure thing, and I am a 6-foot dude that is absolutely shredded. (Diet starts Monday, so the latter might be true in due time.)
🏆 SPORTZ 🏆
JA MORANT BACK IN THE NEWS
Tough few weeks for Memphis Grizzlies superstar Ja Morant. I wrote about a little dustup between his entourage and the Indiana Pacers in Volume 67.
Since then, the Washington Post reported last week that “in a string of incidents dating from last summer, Morant and people close to him have been accused of threatening and even violent behavior.”
One event entailed Morant threatening a Paul Blart mall security dude, and a member of Morant’s entourage then proceeded “shoved (him) in the head.”
The second event entailed Morant socking a 17-year-old KID in the head during a pick-up game at Morant’s crib that left the kid with a “‘large knot’ on the side of his head.” Mr. Tough Guy went into his house and came back outside “with a gun visible in the waistband of his pants and his hand on the weapon, according to police interviews obtained by The Post.” Morant claimed self-defense. I’m going to go out on a limb and acknowledge that he sits on a throne of lies.
The last “wait, he did what?!” event consisted of Morant flashing a gun while he was in the strip club in Colorado Saturday morning. How did such a foolish act get caught on camera? Oh, because Morant went live on Instagram.
The guard’s PR team Morant released a statement, which said in part: “I’m going to take some time away to get help and work on learning better methods of dealing with stress and my overall well-being.” That’s good because, even though I’m not a psychologist, punching a 17-year-old child in the head and then showing that kid that you have a gun in your waistband + being the only one at a strip club with your shirt off while you show off your gun on IG Live are not proper outlets to combat stress.
It could be worse, though — the Murray State product could be smoking crack to deal with life’s stresses. And in case you forgot, crack kills.
In closing, Morant needs to settle his kettle and take a lap. Actually, maybe he should take a couple of laps during his time away from the game.
The dude went to a private school in South Carolina and agreed to a 5-year deal last summer that could be worth more than $200 million. Yet, he thinks it’s cool to act like an utter moron and put his entire life/whole future in jeopardy. Since Morant clearly does not possess adult-level maturity, where is the adult in the room to tell Morant to clean it up?
Notwithstanding that, if Morant does flush everything down the drain, he will be inducted into the Tubz Unfiltered Dumb-Dumb Hall of Fame, set to debut this summer.
DAN SNYDER’S A CROOK?
Allegedly, of course, but things don’t look great for Mr. Sleeze Bag. This article by ESPN is longer than the line for the women’s bathroom on a Saturday night at the club, but the gist of it is that the Washington Football Team’s owner took out a $55 million loan “without the knowledge and required approval of Snyder's minority partners,” which violates the team’s shareholders agreement. Bank of America gave Snyder the line of credit.
The secret $55 million loan has become a primary focus of federal prosecutors in Virginia who are investigating allegations of financial misconduct by Snyder and the Washington
CommandersFootball Team.
The minority owners that owned 40% of the franchise submitted an arbitration petition with the league to get to the bottom of the shady loan. The league was like, “the hell you are,” so the parties went to mediation instead. The end result? The minority owners sold their shares.
“Three billionaires -- not a few whistleblowers -- alleged to the NFL arbitrator that their partner had possibly committed bank fraud," the source said. "This is jail time type of fraud. The NFL owes them as much of a fair shake as it owes Snyder. And the league had no interest in finding out what happened. They buried it and didn't investigate it and covered it up."
The documents obtained by ESPN show that minority partners Robert Rothman, Dwight Schar and Frederick W. Smith protested the loan after they discovered it in a financial report's fine print. They then started looking closely into the team's finances and found Snyder was using the team as his "personal piggy bank," including charging the team $4.5 million to put its logo on his private jet, they alleged in the arbitration petition filed with the NFL.
🤓 BATH TIME READING 🤓
Axios: Shoplifting deterrents drive down sales
Hopefully Ja Morant’s next oopsie does not involve stealing items from retailers.
Historically, retailers locked away only certain items. Now, given that retail theft is getting out of control (retailers lost $94.5 billion in 2021 from retail theft, up from $90.8 billion in 2020), retailers are forced to lock away more and more items.
Locked cases may stop thieves, but they are also deterring honest shoppers from making in-store purchases and can cause sales to drop 15% to 25%, Joe Budano, CEO of anti-theft technology company Indyme, told Axios.
The inconvenience of locked cases — and having to find an employee to open them — end up driving customers to shop online, GlobalData retail analyst Neil Saunders said.
If you chuckled and/or enjoyed it, make sure to forward it to others and/or share it on social. Any corrections, omissions, suggestions, etc., send 'em my way. Much love. -Tubz