👴 Tubz 🛀 Unfiltered - Volume 40 👴
New movie out on a legal de facto Ponzi scheme; Warriors win NBA Finals + more Sportz.
Happy Monday, y’all!
Tubz Unfiltered is officially Over the Hill. So, I am going to give y’all some sage advice to kick off your week: either you walk the dog, or the dog walks you.
🛁 EXTRA BUBBLES 🛁
‘Jerry and Marge Go Large’: Retirees made town rich gaming the lottery
Jerry and Marge Selbee. What a couple, not only because of their name but also because they pulled off a legal de facto Ponzi scheme and reportedly raked in close to $7.75 million by going full rain man. Seems like Jerry Bear, a math whiz, was doing the equivalent of counting cards during retirement with the lottery game Winfall in Michigan and Massachusetts. Both states have since discontinued the game. Back in the day, the NBA changed its rules due to the dominance of Wilt Chamberlain. Michigan and Massachusetts appeared to scrap Winfall due to the dominance of Jerry. Thus, Wilt and Jerry are one in the same in my eyes.
Actually, maybe Jerry has a leg up because Hollywood never made a movie based on Wilt’s dominance. Hollywood has now made a movie based on Jerry’s dominance: “Jerry and Marge Go Large,” streaming on Paramount+ with Bryan Cranston as Jerry. To be fair to Wilt, though, high school health classes are surely showing educational videos on Wilt’s then-unhealthy habits off the court as a way to show the youth of America how to Netflix and Chill on a reasonable level.
Anyway,,,
In Michigan, the game’s jackpot would “roll down” each week if no one won, expanding the prize winnings. This happened until it capped out at $5 million. At that point, if no one hit all six numbers on their ticket, the prize would be allocated to a handful of lesser winners, who matched a majority of the winning digits.
This was where Jerry saw an opening. In 2003, he was able to figure out that, by the law of averages, roll-down weeks were a guaranteed victory if you bought enough tickets. In their case, they bought thousands at a time.
The couple had so much success, and wanted some “extra legal protection,” that they started a corporation, GS Investment Strategies, where they recruited friends and family to buy shares in order to increase the scheme’s monetary resources. They then divvied up the payouts accordingly. So, Jerry was a savant and also Santa Claus. Legend.
Each share of the corporation was $500. I had some people that would play 100 shares, I had some people that played 80 shares, some people played, like my grandchildren, one or two shares. Maybe three.
This is what Bernie Madoff should have done, but he was a scumbag and decided to rob people blind instead. (I hope he is not resting in peace.)
Read later on in the article about how some Boston-area scrooges ruined the Selbee’s dynasty.
Speaking of dynasty …
🏆 SPORTZ 🏆
The Golden State Dynasty Reigns Supreme: Steph Curry & Co. went on a 21-0 run — the longest scoring run in the last 50 NBA Finals — and forced Boston into 23 turnovers in Game 6 to clinch its fourth NBA title under Steve Kerr. With the series victory, the Warriors improved to 22-2 in playoff series under Kerr. Holy sheet. Steph was unanimously named Finals MVP, averaging 31.2 points, 6 rebounds, and 5 assists per game.
With that stat line, the Davidson product became the first player in NBA Finals history to average at least 30 points, 5 rebounds, 5 assists, and 5 made three pointers per game and also became the fourth player in NBA history — 🐐 Michael Jordan 🐐, LeBum James, and ~alleged~ hot head Jerry West being the others — to average at least 30-5-5 per game in multiple Finals. He also became the seventh player in NBA history to win four or more NBA titles and two or more MVPs, joining Bill Russell (11 titles, 5 MVPs), Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (6 titles, 6 MVPs), Jordan (6 titles, 5 MVPs), Magic Johnson (5 titles, 3 MVPs), Tim Duncan (5 titles, 2 MVPs), and LeBum (4 titles — with an asterisk because 2020 was a Mickey Mouse title in the Bubble — 4 MVPs).
Andrew Wiggins deserves his flowers, too. Mr. Maple Syrup was the second best player in the Finals and showcased his two-way prowess that a lot of people envision when he was drafted number one overall in 2014.
Tough series for Jayson Tatum. While he averaged 21.5 points, 6.8 rebounds, and 7 assists per game in the Finals, he turned the ball a bit too much (3.8 turnovers per game) — plus, no one ever turned the ball over 100 times in an entire NBA postseason until he did — and shot a measly 36.7% from the field.
Warriors in 6.
Avalanche up 2-0 in Stanley Cup Finals: After winning in overtime in Game 1, the Avs committed a felony by pistol-whipping the Lightning in Game 2, 7-0. They are now -600 to win the Cup ($10 bet wins you $1.67), while Tampa Bay is +450 ($10 bet wins you $45).
Game 3 is on Monday (7pm CST); Game 4 is on Wednesday (7pm CST); and Game 5 and Game 6 are on Friday and Sunday, respectively, if necessary (both games at 7pm CST).
Some England Bro Wins U.S. Open: There are a handful of things that grind my gears, in no particular order: (1) People — specifically, dudes — that shave their head when there is no need to; (2) Getting in the Christmas spirit prior to Dec. 1 (i.e. listening to Christmas music and putting up decorations); (3) Fake nails that are at least the length of a jolly rancher; and, among other items, (4) Non-Americans, specifically those hailing from England, winning the U.S. Open.
The fourth item simply does not sit right. I know it is 2022 and we are supposed to be more inclusive, which I am wholeheartedly for, but I have to draw the line somewhere and that is where I draw the line. I am a pure blooded American.1 Hand up. If that is a problem, apologies in advance.
Let’s stay on topic … nine years after winning the U.S. Amateur Championship at The Country Club in Brookline, MA, Matt Fitzpatrick won his first major championship at the same course, surviving a shot into the bunker en route to a par on Hole No. 72 to beat Happy Gilmore’s caddy, Will Zalatoris, and Scottie Scheffler by a stroke. Fitzpatrick will take home $3.15 million (minus some taxes; no taxation w/o representation, eh? Idk). Good for Fitzpatrick.
🤓 BATH TIME READING 🤓
Allow me to share a column that I wrote on Father’s Day in 2013 during my days as a columnist for The Daily Cardinal, one of the student newspapers at UW-Madison.
Column: It's a Father-Son Thing
If you chuckled, make sure to forward to others and/or share on social. Any corrections, omissions, suggestions, etc., send 'em my way. Much love. -Tubz
I am not a patriot, though. There is a difference between pure blooded Americans and patriots. The chief difference? Patriots are morons that invade an iconic U.S. building and get arrested for doing so.