🍖 Tubz Unfiltered - Volume 144
McRib is back; CFB, NFL + MLB Recaps; Chicago Parking
Happy Tuesday, y’all!
Two weeks until random “wait, how did they get my contact information” numbers stop texting me about the various elections taking place.
🛁 EXTRA BUBBLES 🛁
McRib comeback in 2024? It's already confirmed for some US stores.
If you’re a Golden Arches enthusiast, you’re in luck because McD’s is bringing back one of its iconic menu items. Eventually. The McRib is already on the menu at select UK locations, but it reportedly won’t return to the United States until November, which is puzzling. We didn’t kick their asses in 1776 to have that region of the world be able to indulge in the savory goodness that the McRib brings.
At any rate, the McRib comeback is a full-circle moment for Tubz Unfiltered.
From Volume 5 (!!), published on Oct. 4, 2021:
The fact that McDonald’s is only bringing it back for a limited time should be against the law.
I always do my due diligence when it comes to this newsletter, so I checked to determine whether there is a law on the books to address this violation of human decency, an act that defies common sense beyond belief. There is not. Thus, our lawmakers could actually do something good for once for the people of America and get the ball rolling to introduce legislation.
Regardless, not making the McRib a permanent item on the menu is as psycho/dumb as the drivers that only drive 5 MPH over the speed limit in the left lane.
Altogether, you’re offering lucrative signing bonuses (of course, it’s all relative) to entice new workers, McDonald’s. Cool, good for you. What about this for a wild idea — entice customers by selling the McRib every single gotdamn day of the year. Much better ROI.
🏆 SPORTZ 🏆
CFB WEEK 8 RECAP
GEORGIA 30 Texas 15: Georgia must have read last week’s Volume because it punched the Longhorns in the mouth with brass knuckles. In fact, the Bulldogs punched ‘em in the mouth so hard that HC Steve Sarkisian replaced QB Quinn Ewers with Arch Manning in the first half, only to go back to Ewers later on (a bit of a head-scratching move to pull him in the first place). Nevertheless, the fans were sick of the assault, so they took matters into their own hands. With roughly ~3 minutes left in the third quarter and Georgia clinging to a 23-8 lead, Carson Beck tossed an interception that was returned deep into Georgia territory. It was initially negated due to defensive pass interference. There was contact initiated by both players at the top of the route. And the educated people of Austin thought so, too, so they expressed their displeasure by throwing beer cans and water bottles onto the field. The refs changed the call and announced there was no pass interference. College teaches lessons to all, and the lesson here is that peer pressure, with a hint of aggression, works.
INDIANA 56 Nebraska 7: Every time I flipped to this game, the Hoosiers seemed to score another touchdown. They scored touchdowns on eight of their ten offensive possessions en route to a dominating victory. Point blank, they’re an offensive juggernaut (tied for third in the nation in points per game) and, at present, a playoff team, an inconceivable thought considering they have been perennial losers practically from the time they started the football program. The bad news: QB Kurtis Rourke, who is second in the country in QBR and Expected Points Added among QBs, broke his thumb against the Huskers. There’s “optimism that he could be back for Indiana's game at Michigan State on Nov. 2,” according to ESPN’s Pete Thamel. The Hoosiers host Michigan on Nov. 9 before traveling to Ohio State on Nov. 23.
NFL WEEK 7 RECAP
PACKERS 24 Texans 22: Special teams giveth, and special teams taketh away. Luckily for Green Bay, it giveth when it mattered most as Brandon McNamus, fresh off the streets, nailed a 45-yard field goal (S/O to Daniel Whelan for successfully handling the awful snap and for a helluva game with his foot) to improve the Packers to 5-2 in a game in which they shot themselves in the foot more times than not and had no business winning. In fact, according to Theo Ash, entering Sunday, the win rate for teams with a -3 turnover differential was 9.8% (82-753-2) since 2000. Good teams find ways to win when they aren’t at their best.
But Green Bay’s defense, a unit that has allowed 22 total points in the second half over the last five games, was at its best and pulled a John Wilkes Booth.1 Defensive coordinator Jeff Hafley, who was rewarded with a game ball, terrorized QB C.J. Stroud with a sophisticated game plan that included a whole bunch of stunts and pressures. Stroud finished with a passer rating of 58.8. Underrated player of the game? LB Eric Wilson, who finished with four tackles for loss, two sacks (both came on third downs), and one pass deflection.
LIONS 31 Vikings 29: Detroit is the best team in the NFC at this point in the season. No question about it. Might even be the best team in the NFL. When running back David Montgomery coughed it up, which was recovered by Minnesota for a touchdown with under six minutes left to take a one-point lead, I thought Detroit was Toasty McGhosty, especially after they went three-and-out on the ensuing possession. (They led 28-17 late in the third quarter.) But the team has a habit of staying the course, the result of an A+ culture instilled by head coach Dan Campbell. On the team’s final offensive drive, RB Jahmyr Gibbs (160 total yards, 2 TDs) broke some tackles en route to a 14-yard run; QB Jared Goff found Gibbs out of the backfield for a 16-yard gain to the Minnesota 36; and Goff connected with Amon-Ra St. Brown for a 14-yard completion (while he got sandwiched by two defenders) on the next play, setting up the eventual game-winning field goal.
Goff is on an absolute heater; he now has produced three straight games with a passer rating of at least 140 and has an 83.5 completion percentage over his last four games. More people need to put some respect on his name — he’s a legitimate MVP candidate through the first seven weeks.
CHIEFS 28 49ers 18: What was thought to be a QB duel turned out to be an interception fest, as the two quarterbacks — Patrick Mahomes and Brock Purdy — combined for five interceptions. Purdy, in particular, did not look good. I’ll let the late Bill Walton summarize Purdy’s second INT: “That may be the worst pass in the history of western civilization.” And while Mahomes now has more interceptions (8) than touchdowns (6) on the season after throwing passes to the other team on Sunday, you’re on glue if you believe this is the start of Mahomes’ demise. I’m confident that Mahomes will round into form. Until then, the team will continue to rely on the backbone of their 6-0 start: their lights-out defense.
The 49ers are more banged up than a trailer park Chevy. RB Christian McCaffery is still banged up. WR Brandon Aiyuk is done for the season after tearing his ACL on Sunday. And WR Deebo Samuel, who played for a second against the Chiefs, went to the hospital earlier this week after dealing with pneumonia and water in his lungs.
MLB PLAYOFFS
And then there were two teams. The New York Yankees dropped a heartbreaker in Game 3 after allowing a game-tying two-run home run in the bottom of the ninth and a game-winning two-run home run in the bottom of the 10th, but they rebounded by winning the final two games. Juan Soto, who should demand approximately one billion dollars during the 2025 free agency period, socked a two-out, three-run home run in the top of the 10th in Game 5 to clinch the franchise’s first World Series appearance since 2009.
The Dodgers took care of the Mets in six games. Each win for both teams was a blowout.
This year’s edition of the Fall Classic has the makings of an all-timer. Both offenses are electric. Big bombers and names on both sides. Two best teams in the league. Any time the title is on the line between the two best teams is great for the sport. But this matchup puts MLB’s worst attribute on display — you can only win in the postseason if you spend an absurd amount of money. At the start of the season, the Yankees and Dodgers were second (~$303 million) and third (~$250 million), respectively, in team payroll, according to USA Today.
UVA’s TONY BENNETT RETIRING
The first coach to lose to a 16 seed in the NCAA Tournament, only to win the national title the following season, Tony Bennett is calling it quits, mere weeks before the start of the 2024-25 season due to the ever-changing landscape of college basketball. He exits the game with a .719 winning percentage, six ACC regular season titles, and two conference tournament titles.
Here’s what he told CBS Sports’ Matt Norlander:
Until there's parameters, I know I can't do it, and that's the whole deal here. I think sometimes you almost talk yourself into things as you're doing it. Like, I can do this. I am equipped. We can adjust. And you kind of tell yourself certain stuff and you start believing. Yep, I can. But when you kind of step back and look. Can I be as effective as I need to be? Am I fully aligned with how it has to be for this university, for these young men? Can I give everything, can we build a program in this way, or is it, is my way more designed for the old model?
There was speculation that Bennett, who signed a contract extension in June, walked away when he did, rather than hanging up the whistle immediately after the 2023-24 season, because he wanted to force the university’s hand to name his top assistant coach, Ron Sanchez, as the head coach (success) — similar to moves pulled by former Wisconsin HC Dick Bennett, Tony’s father, and former UNC head coach Dean Smith.
The timing is sketch, but it doesn’t matter in the long run, really, because the sport lost a helluva coach.
🤓 BATH TIME READING 🤓
Former Chicago mayor Richard Daley did not read the Art of the Deal, evidently. Saddled with a big ole budget deficit, he incorporated some outside-of-the-box thinking, or so he thought, and sold the 36,000 city-owned parking meters to Chicago Parking Meters LLC for $1.15 billion in Dec. 2008. The term of the deal was a whopping 75 years.
The deal has been a massive financial windfall for all of the CPM investors. They are literally printing money. “As of 2023, the investors in CPM LLC have recouped their investment plus $500 million,” as reported by the Chicago Sun-Times. More specifically, a recent audit showed CPM made “$150.9 million in parking meter revenues last year, up from $140.4 million in 2022.”
And Chicago residents got royally screwed in the process. Prior to Dec. 2008, most street parking in the city cost 25 cents per hour. The rates skyrocketed to $1 per hour in 2009 “and have only increased since then.” The Seventh Circuit affirmed a lower court decision in April 2023 “that the deal is perfectly legal.”
But wait, it gets worse. Then-Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot and her administration were likely sick and tired of paying CPM for meters taken out of service, so they cooked up a plan during the pandemic “for the city to reclaim 4,007 parking spaces at a time when the stay-at-home shutdown had dramatically reduced the value of those spaces, then give 2,646 of those spaces back to CPM two months later — but retain 1,361 parking spaces for the city,” according to the Sun-Times. The move would have taken money out of CPM’s pockets and put money back into the City’s pockets.
In an arbitration between the two parties, CPM’s expert estimated that the company lost $321.5 million due to the sliminess while the City’s expert thought it was $120.7 million, which the arbitrators found “more reliable.” Still a significant chunk of change!
From Aug. 2024:
Chicago Parking Meters, the private company with a monopoly on the city’s paid street parking, filed a lawsuit in April asking the court to enforce an arbitration panel’s ruling that determined the city twice shorted the company under former Mayor Lori Lightfoot.
Experts hired by the city and CPM agree the cost of one of the rulings, over an alleged scheme by the city to take advantage of parking space value fluctuations, could be more than $100 million, according to court records.
Mayor Brandon Johnson’s administration “is vigorously defending itself in this matter” as it awaits an independent appraisal of the cost ordered by the arbitrators, Chicago Chief Financial Officer Jill Jaworski said in a statement Friday.
The city may be able to cover the potential cost by giving CPM control of more parking spaces, she said. The city gets the bulk of the revenue from what are designated as reserve spaces, while the company takes all of the revenue from concession spaces.
The original inspiration for the breakdown can be found here.
If you chuckled and/or enjoyed it, make sure to forward it to others and/or share it on social. Any corrections, omissions, suggestions, etc., send 'em my way. Much love. -Tubz
And by that, I mean: they didn’t shoot themselves in the foot and, instead, shot the opposition, metaphorically of course.