😬 Tubz Unfiltered - Volume 86
Weird Break-Up Announcement; Northwestern Hazing Saga; T-Swift Bigger Than the Beatles?
Happy Monday, y’all!
One perk of flying is the Biscoff cookies. No questions asked, miss me with any opinion to the contrary. There is just something about them that hits differently when you’re 30,000 feet up in the air.
I think this chick, on a flight departing Dallas, ate a different kind of Biscoff cookie before the flight. All-time meltdown. She ~might~ be crazier than the chick I told y’all about that put her dead cat in the dumpster.
🛁 EXTRA BUBBLES 🛁
Associated Press: Former New York Mayor de Blasio and wife announce separation, but not divorce
As someone who is more single than a dollar bill, I can’t necessarily judge how others navigate their love lives. Relationships are not easy. Sacrifices must be made. Effort must be put in. You can’t just wake up and go through the motions.
With that being said, this situation is bizarre. They essentially announced to the world IN A JOINT INTERVIEW, “Hey, we’re both open for business! Come on by!”
My opinion on the matter has nothing to do with politics. I don’t care if the at-issue subjects thought Obama was on the same level as Gandhi or believed that the Jan. 6 capital stormers were true American patriots and got a raw deal from prosecutors.
My opinion hinges on the fact that they had a joint interview to tell everyone they were separating yet will still live together. Weird stuff. Maybe have a publicist write a press release, announcing that the couple is separating and leave it at that.
Some questions to ponder: Are they swingers now? If one of them brings over a new romantic partner to — just spit ballin’ here — play bridge, will the other be lurking in the background? Will the other ask if the new romantic partner wants some tea? Do they treat their joint home like a timeshare? Do they have a shared calendar to give the other a heads-up about any future activities that may be going on at their dwelling?
At the end of the day, if they’re happy, good for them I guess.
🏆 SPORTZ 🏆
Northwestern Football HC Pat Fitzgerald Given Slap on Wrist for Heinous Acts Committed Under His Watch, Unaware Acts Took Place
In classic Friday News Dump fashion, Northwestern announced a two-week unpaid suspension, beginning last Friday, for head football coach Pat Fitzgerald after an investigation conducted by ArentFox Schiff LLP, a prominent law firm, revealed that hazing incidents took place within the football program over a certain period of time.
Other measures include no more off-campus practices in Kenosha, Wisconsin, where the team held preseason training for years, and the monitoring of the football locker room by someone who doesn't report to Fitzgerald or his staff.
There were not a lot of details in the executive summary released by the university, but the investigation, after interviewing more than 50 individuals associated with the program and reviewing thousands of documents, concluded that while Fitzgerald and other staffers were not directly aware of the conduct taking place, “there had been significant opportunities to discover and report the hazing conduct.” It also concluded that the whistleblower’s claims were “largely supported by evidence.”
The whistleblower made his claims public on Saturday in an anonymous interview with The Daily Northwestern, the university’s student newspaper. Another player confirmed those claims. And said claims were disturbing, eye-popping, and jaw-dropping.
The former player said he reported his experiences to the University in late November 2022. He alleges that much of the team’s hazing centered around a practice dubbed “running,” which was used to punish team members, primarily freshman, for mistakes made on the field and in practice.
If a player was selected for “running,” the player who spoke to The Daily said, they would be restrained by a group of 8-10 upperclassmen dressed in various “Purge-like” masks, who would then begin “dry-humping” the victim in a dark locker room.
The Daily obtained images of whiteboards labeled “Runsgiving” and “Shrek’s List,” containing a list of names indicating players that the player said needed to be “ran.”
According to the former player, team members allegedly identified players for “running” by clapping their hands above their heads around that player. The practice, the player said, was known within the team as “the Shrek clap.”
According to the player who spoke with The Daily, Fitzgerald repeatedly made the signal during practices when players, specifically freshmen, made a mistake.
The player believes some players interpreted Fitzgerald making these signals as knowingly “encouraging” the hazing to continue.
In addition to “running,” the whistleblower alleged that he witnessed the team participate in other hazing traditions in which freshmen were forced to strip naked and perform various acts, including bear crawling and slingshotting themselves across the floor with exercise bands.
In a once-a-year tradition dubbed “the carwash,” the first player said that some players would stand naked at the entrance to the showers and spin around, forcing those entering the showers to “basically (rub) up against a bare-naked man.” Upon entering the showers, the player alleged that players set up a hose they connected to the shower to spray people.
The player also alleged that he witnessed and was forced to participate in what he called a naked center-quarterback exchange, wherein a freshman quarterback was forced to take an under-center snap from a freshman center, while both players were naked.
After The Daily’s explosive, A+ journalistic report came out on Saturday, the ENTIRE football team released a letter, calling the allegations “exaggerated and twisted.” But even if the alleged incidents did take place, Fitzgerald did not know about them. Very interesting letter that was definitely written/signed by the ENTIRE football team and not anyone else. You can read the letter for yourself here.
Late Saturday night, Northwestern president Michael Schill released a statement that acknowledged he spoke with the anonymous whistleblower and “was moved by what I heard from his family and by the impact the hazing had on their son.” Due to that interaction and/or due to the immense public pressure/outcry, Schill announced that he’s going to “engage with the University leadership … and will keep you abreast of any developments as I assess future steps.” He also remarked that he may have “erred” by only suspending Fitzgerald for two weeks. Translation: F*ck, we might have to fire Fitzgerald.
Alright, those are the facts. Holy shit. No asterisk was used there and for good reason. First, there is no way in hell that Fitzgerald did not know about the hazing. D1 head football coaches, especially high-profile ones like Fitzgerald who is the most accomplished player and coach in school history, are control freaks and need to know every single thing going on within their program.
Further, after the investigation corroborated that whistleblower’s claim, the university still was like, “A two-week unpaid suspension during a time when nothing is happening in the sport should do the trick.” I think this shows how powerful of a figure Fitzgerald is at Northwestern. Regardless, how did the university — home to one of the best, if not the best, journalism schools in the country — think that the facts would not get out?
Speaking of boneheadedness by the university, Northwestern put itself in a challenging position by initially only suspending Fitzgerald, who has a 4-20 record (2-16 in conference play) the past two seasons.
Considering the findings of the investigation, while I don’t know the exact language in Fitzgerald’s contract because it is unavailable via public records request as the university is a private institution, I think it is quite likely that Northwestern could have initially fired Fitzgerald for cause — meaning they would not owe him any more money — and been confident that it would prevail in litigation potentially brought by Fitzgerald and his counsel in connection with the issue at hand.
Now, if they fire him for cause (to be determined, obviously), Fitzgerald will sue the university and argue that he is owed his full buyout amount, which is likely tens of millions of dollars given that Fitzgerald signed a 10-year contract extension in January 2021.1
Why? The chief reason, from my vantage point: after the university initially suspended him, what new information came to light that would necessitate a for-cause termination? Nothing — as of publication, of course.
The university has wealthy donors, and its endowment is over $14 billion as of last year, so the nerds should not be crying poor. Notwithstanding that, Northwestern’s initial reaction could prove to be an expensive one.
One final thought: athletic departments usually conduct exit interviews with outgoing players, including players that have exhausted their eligibility. I’m surprised, if the hazing was this rampant, that it was never brought up during said exit interviews. Or, at the very least, I’m surprised someone didn’t vaguely point out that team bonding/culture could have been better. That is not to suggest that I’m doubting the hazing occurred, I’m simply wondering off the top of the dome how it went undetected for as long as it did.
Let’s wrap this up with the following anecdote.
During an interview filmed at some point in the past (h/t Ryan Glasspiegel on Twitter), Fitzgerald said:
“One of the big things we’ve seen in college athletics, and across the country, is the hazing issues. Things we believe here at Northwestern, No. 1, there’s zero tolerance for hazing. There’s no reason to ever have it. I know there are a lot of initiations and traditions and things of that nature, and we had that here, frankly, when I was a player in some different ways.
“Instead, how about thinking about, in our context what we do, have a Big Brother program. Have an upperclassman or someone older within the team look after a younger player [and] teach them the values, teach them what it means to be part of your culture.”
I’ll take “Words that aged horribly for $500, Trebek (RIP).”
Victor Wembanyama’s Security Guard No Fan of Brittney
“Hit Me Baby One More Time” are lyrics that Brittney Spears sang back in the day. Victor Wembanyama’s security guard took those lyrics a bit too literally, as he struck Spears when she approached the first overall pick in this year’s NBA Draft in Las Vegas last week.
It is important to note that the act, which will not be criminally charged, was before Wembanyama’s summer league debut. During that game, Wembanyama got some plums in his face during an alley-oop and was 2/13 from the field, including 1/6 from deep. BUST. (In his second game, Wemby had 27 points, 12 rebounds, and three blocks in 27 minutes. Might not be a bust.)
If Spears had tried to approach the French man after his less-than-stellar performance Friday night, the security guard might have put her to sleep.
🤓 BATH TIME READING 🤓
CNBC: Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour is set to earn a record-breaking $1 billion in sales
Taylor Swift’s latest tour, “Eras Tour,” is like nothing we have ever seen in the music industry. Not only because the Swifties are healthy maniacs, but because it is ~estimated~ that the tour will rake in $1.4 billion in gross revenue, according to concert data tracker Pollstar.
The tour initially consisted of 52 tour dates, but has since expanded to at least 106 dates across planet f’en Earth. Is it crazy to ask whether Taylor Swift is bigger than the Beatles?
Below are the top-ten tours in terms of gross revenue.
Elton John — Farewell Yellow Brick Road Tour (2018-20, 22-present): $853 million
Ed Sheeran — The ÷ (Divide) Tour (2017-19): $776 million
U2 — U2 360° Tour (2009-11): $736 million
Guns N’ Roses — Not in This Lifetime... Tour (2016-19): $584 million
The Rolling Stones — A Bigger Bang Tour (2005-07): $558 million
The Rolling Stones — No Filter Tour (2017-19, 21): $547 million
Coldplay — A Head Full of Dreams Tour (2016-17): $524 million
Roger Waters — The Wall Live (2010-13): $459 million
AC/DC — Black Ice World Tour (2008-10): $442 million
Harry Styles — Love on Tour (2021-present): $418 million
If you chuckled and/or enjoyed it, make sure to forward it to others and/or share it on social. Any corrections, omissions, suggestions, etc., send 'em my way. Much love. -Tubz
According to USA Today, Fitzgerald’s total pay in 2022 was $5.37 million. Most, if not all, coaches’ salaries escalate year over year, so it is all but guaranteed that Fitzgerald’s yearly pay will substantially increase in the final year from where it was in 2022.
No, Taylor Swift is not bigger than the Beatles. She's overrated. Plain and simple.