🥳 Tubz Unfiltered - Volume 100
Tubz Unfiltered celebrates its 100th official Volume!
Happy Tuesday, y’all!
Today marks the 100th official Volume of Tubz Unfiltered. I started writing this newsletter roughly two years ago as a way to keep myself busy because I have undiagnosed ADHD and can’t sit still. It has certainly done just that, but I have loved every minute.
From covering former Finland prime minister, Sanna Marina a/k/a Ms. Nice On The Eyes (here, here, and here) to …
The Shreveport Cocaine Man (RIP “Viral Video of the Week”);
Telling a story about a female that I went on a date with who I found out threw her dead cat in the dumpster, which I then connected back to a random news story;
Using the phrase, “Kit’s Tits”, when describing something weird/bizarre (throwing your dead cat in the dumpster would qualify as the “Kit’s Tits”), while also workshopping “Kit(s) on the Tit(s)” in that same Volume;
Recapping countless sporting events and spending an ungodly amount of time on my couch to do so;
and everything in between.
All I have to say is: Thank you. Thank you for reading. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for reaching out to let me know about something funny to include in a particular Volume (keep this coming plz).
My ultimate goal when I launched was to make you laugh and inform you just a bit. I hope I have been able to do that.
Here’s to another 100 🍻.
🛁 EXTRA BUBBLES 🛁
I ranked Halloween candies last year (Volume 54). My taste buds have shifted ever so slightly.
Reese’s PB Cups
Sour Patch Kids
Swedish Fish
Twix
Starburst
Kit-Kat
Butterfinger
Snickers
Literal trash
Almond Joy/Candy Corn/Mounds
🏆 SPORTZ 🏆
CFB WEEK 9 RECAP
OHIO STATE 24 Wisconsin 10: I knew that the Badgers were not going to beat the Buckeyes. I’m not delusional. Instead, I came into Saturday’s performance with the mindset that if they would lose by less than the margin of last year’s matchup — UW lost, 52-21 — it would be a success. Is that loser mentality? Well, when your team is trash, you tend to engage in a bunch of mental gymnastics to make yourself feel better.
Loser mentality or not, I came away from Saturday night’s performance encouraged, considering the Badgers were without their QB1, RB1 (for the 2nd half), RB2, and WR1 (for the 2nd half) against the best defense in the country. The Buckeyes, at the end of the day, won the game and overcame three turnovers because their offensive studs — RB TreVeyon Henderson (24 carries for 162 yards and one touchdown) and WR Marvin Harrison Jr. (six catches for 123 yards and two touchdowns) — stepped up. Pretty simple.
Do you know who did not step up? The UW student section. I was at the game, and I was shocked and, frankly, appalled at how empty it was at kickoff. On Halloween weekend. At night. Against the No. 3 ranked team in the country. Yes, I realize this is big-time old-man-yells-at-clouds energy.
My buddy, who I went to the game with, asked one of the kids — yes, they are kids based on looks relative to my old ass — why there was such low attendance to start the game. The wise-ass said (I’m paraphrasing), “We’ll show up in the first half when the offense starts to show up in the first half.” No wonder life on college campuses across the country is in shambles; we have people like that dude who don’t respect their elders or their peers nor have any school pride.
FIRST CFP RANKINGS
Ohio State was No. 1 because they have two top-15 wins (No. 11 Penn State and No. 15 Notre Dame), but the Buckeyes are not the best team in the country. That honor belongs to either Georgia or Michigan, ranked No. 2 and No. 3 respectively. Florida State and Washington, the two other undefeated squads, rounded out the top five.
Speaking of Michigan, I wrote a Manifesto on the Wolverines’ sign-stealing scandal, which you can read here. There will be a guest post on the matter, scheduled for Thursday morning.
The CFP Committee, right now, believes that Oregon is the best one-loss team among the Power-5 programs, as the Ducks are No. 6 and ahead of (in order) Texas, Alabama, Oklahoma, Ole Miss, Penn State, Missouri, and Louisville.
Only two teams outside the top 10 of the initial CFP rankings have found themselves in the CFP since its inception — Ohio State in 2014 (No. 16) and Oklahoma in 2015 (No. 15). Can a team outside the top 10 make a run and make the four-team playoff in the last year of the format? No.
COLLEGE HOCKEY
It is early in the season, undoubtedly, but the Badger men’s hockey might just be back, ladies and gentlemen. They swept No. 1 Minnesota on the road on Thursday (5-2) and Friday (3-2). It was only the fifth time they swept the Gophers at Mariccui Arena, which opened in 1993, according to the WI State Journal.
If you want to be successful in college hockey, it all starts with the goaltender. Seems like the Badgers have a good one in Kyle McClellan.
The Badgers have allowed only 13 goals through eight games in getting off to a 7-1 start under first-year coach Mike Hastings. Only one season in 61 years of the team's modern era had fewer goals been allowed in the first eight contests — the 2005-06 team that won the NCAA championship.
NFL WEEK 8 RECAP
I was traveling on Sunday and I fell asleep at 9 p.m. CST on Monday, so the NFL recap this week is a bit light!
VIKINGS 24 Packers 10: Green Bay is a sad ball of sh*t at this point in the season. There is no other way of putting it. The offense is a colossal mess, failing to score a touchdown in the first half yet again on Sunday. In fact, Matt LaFleur’s squad has not scored a touchdown in the first half since Week 2. Yikes. The defense, meanwhile, loves to play soft coverage as much as insecure dudes love to pay for bottle service to entice females, who will use said dudes for free alcohol and then say after, “Yeah, I’ll text you.” Bro, she ain’t texting you.
The Packers are officially in full-on rebuild mode now, as GM Brian Gutekunst traded cornerback Rasul Douglas and a fifth-round pick to the Buffalo Bills for a third-round pick. That means we are one step closer to drafting Harrison Jr., a phenomenon that I wrote about here for Cheesehead TV.
WORLD SERIES
The Rangers, fresh off losing all three home games in the ALCS, were staring at another loss right in the eyes, down 4-2 in the ninth against the Diamondbacks in Game 1. And then Corey Seager walked to the plate. The former Dodger hit a piss-missile home run to right field to tie the game. Adolis Garcia, the hottest batter on planet Earth, smacked a ding-dong, his 8th of the postseason, to right field in the bottom of the 11th to send George W. Bush & Co. home happy. Dead ass, as the kids say, that might have been one of the best Game 1s in the history of the World Series. Yet, it “was the least-watched ever.” Sad!
I didn’t watch Games 2 or 3, but I wanted to let you know that the Diamondbacks won Game 2, while the Rangers won Game 3. Game 4 is going on as I type, but Texas will be without Garcia and starting pitcher Max Scherzer for that one — and the rest of the series — due to injuries.
If the Rangers win Game 4 — they’re up 5-0 after Seager hit yet another ding-dong — they will take a commanding 3-1 lead. If the Diamondbacks win, they will tie the series at two games apiece. That’s the hard-hitting analysis you won’t find anywhere else on the interwebs.
If Texas holds on and secures the dub in Game 4, things won’t be looking good for Arizona: only six teams have overcome a 3-1 deficit in a best-of-seven series in the World Series (the Pittsburgh Pirates in 1925, the New York Yankees in 1958, the Detroit Tigers in 1968, the Pittsburgh Pirates in 1979, the Kansas City Royals in 1985, and the Chicago Cubs in 2016).
🤓 BATH TIME READING 🤓
The Ladder of Inference
No. 100 is running a bit long, so before we part ways, I wanted to share with y’all an interesting article about jumping to wrong conclusions.
If you chuckled and/or enjoyed it, make sure to forward it to others and/or share it on social. Any corrections, omissions, suggestions, etc., send 'em my way. Much love. -Tubz
Fantastic article Rex! So glad you started this 2 yrs ago! Love reading it every week and this week topped the charts!